The Royal Apples

by Radical Gopher

Chapter 12

“Okay,” said Shadow Starlight. “Let’s try this one more time. Take a deep breath and repeat after me. To the Honor and Glory of Equestria... To the Princesses of the Sun and Moon... I pledge my Loyalty, my Strength and my Valor, defending this Land, this People, and this Nation.”

Big Mac closed his eyes and concentrated. “Ta the Honor and Glory o’ Equestria... Ta the Princesses o’ the Sun and Moon... Ah pledge ma Loyalty, ma Strength and ma Valor, defendin’ this Land, this People, and this Nation.”

The unicorn tiredly shook her head. “Well, you have the words memorized well enough, but that accent has to go... at least for the oath.”

“What’s wrong with ma accent?”

“First...it’s to, not ta. Second it’s of, not o’, third it’s I, not Ah, forth it’s my, not ma and finally you have to stop dropping your G’s at the end of words.”

Macintosh snorted in frustration. “Ah don’t see how Ah’m goin’ ta change so much about how Ah speak in such a short time.”

“Well... let’s try a different approach. How many ears do I have?”

“Come again?”

“Humor me... How many ears?”

“Uh... two.”

"What’s the opposite of on?”

“Off.”

She reached a hoof up to her face. “What am I covering?”

“Yer eye.”

“Alright... and what do you use with a pen?”

“Ink?”

“And finally, what am I pointing to?”

“Ma eye.”

“Good, said Shadow. Now let’s try a few creative substitutions.” Five minutes of effort later, Big Mac’s oath began sounding something like this.

“Two the Honor and Glory off Equestria... Two the Princesses off the Sun and Moon... Eye pledge m’eye Loyalty, m’eye Strength and m’eye Valor, two defendink this Land, this People, and this Nation.”

“Better. I’m going to go over your entire oath and make a whole bunch of phonetic changes, though we will still have to work on the g’s and the off’s.”

There was a gentle knock on the door and it opened to reveal Twilight’s dragon assistant, Spike. Shadow Starlight smiled. “What time is it?”

“It’s only about two-thirty,”

“Good. That gives us about another hour before you have to be back over at Rarity’s.” she said, looking at Big Mac. “You up for a few more tries at the ending?”

Having made some progress, the stallion was eager to see what else he could accomplish before his date with Luna. “Eeeyup,” he replied.

“Is there anything I can get for you?” dragon asked.

“Well, maybe another half pot of this delicious tea.”

“Coming right up,” Spike replied, grabbing the tea cart and rolling it back to the kitchen. He always liked it when his culinary efforts were appreciated, even with something as simple as tea. He refilled the kettle and plopped it onto the stove, lighting the pilot with a small huff of his own dragon’s breath. He then grabbed a step-stool and clambered up to the counter. He rinsed out the tea strainer and quickly repacked it with a fresh scoop of tea leaves. This he placed into the teapot to await the hot water. A small gust of wind caught him by surprise and he noticed the window above the sink was open, though he didn’t remember having opened it himself. Clambering into the sink, he reached over and closed it, latching it firmly.

A few minutes later the kettle began to whistle. He reached over and scooped it up barehanded. (Being a dragon, he had no reason to wear oven mitts.) He filled the teapot about half-way, and while it steeped, he went to the icebox and brought out a small carton of cookies left over from a recent Pinky Pie party. He dropped about a dozen of them on a plate, put it and the teapot on the tea cart and rolled it back into the library.

Behind the small dragon a shadowy figure watched from a dark corner. Evil green eyes flashed with the desire for escape and as soon as the kitchen door closed, the black form seemed to flow up the counter and over to the closed window. It struggled for a moment to re-open the latch. As it did, the creature slipped, knocking over several canisters including the ones for sugar, tea, coffee and salt. The noise, while not loud, startled it and in a panic it raced out of the tree and hid in some nearby shadows. It waited there several hours until the sun began to sink in the sky. From its hiding place it watched as the unicorn mare and the stallion left. It continued to watch when a sky-chariot, guided by a quartet of white pegasi guard ponies, landed on the village green and picked up the stallion, who was now dressed in more formal attire. As the chariot disappeared into the night the creature smiled. He must report back to his mistress. She would be pleased to know he had accomplished his mission. His form shifted and with a buzzing sound he vaulted into the night sky.

Back inside the kitchen, Spike discovered the counter-top mess and the opened window. The sight of small, rodent-like footprints in the sugar convinced him that at least one of the squirrels living in the upper branches of the library tree must be the guilty party. He would have to ask Twilight to see if Fluttershy could come by and talk them out of using their home as a pantry.

He began cleaning up the mess, but then paused when he noticed that there were some kind of black granules mixed in with the tea. Curious, he licked his finger, dabbed it in the black powder and put a pinch of it on his tongue to see if it was some kind of herb. It dissolved instantly, but the slight bitterness made him wonder if there was something wrong with the tea. Oddly, it tasted more like a gemstone than an herb. Neither Shadow Starlight nor Big Mac had complained, but then they hadn’t consumed nearly as much of the second pot of tea as they had the first. Spike finished with the countertop and resealed the canister of tea, putting it aside so he could take it back to the grocer and ask about it.

**********

Standing on her balcony in the tallest tower of the castle, Princess Celestia looked out upon Equestria and watched as the last rays of her sun slowly vanished over the horizon. Turning to the east she focused her magics and felt the soft glow of a crescent moon climb into the sky, veiled by a cloud of stars that spread out into a predetermined pattern of constellations. This was still Princess Luna’s arrangement. All Celestia had done was give her sister the evening off.
From her perch high in the castle, the Sun Princess watched as Sir Macintosh arrived in the sky chariot and trotted, happily to judge by his gait, into the gardens to await his lady fair. About ten minutes later Luna stepped out into the garden and joined him. She was wearing a silver and gold gown that shimmered gently in the nightlights. They exchanged a gentle, if somewhat protracted kiss, then the farmer presented the alicorn with a small corsage which he gallantly wrapped around her left leg. Celestia had the feeling that either Twilight or Rarity was behind the gesture. The two left, side by side and climbed into a royal carriage for their trip to the theatre. The Sun Princess recognized it as the same one Princess Cadence and Shining Armor had used following their wedding. She wondered if that was by design or fate.

Turning, she strolled back into the castle, humming a tune she remembered once hearing Pinky Pie sing during the Grand Galloping Gala. It was rather funny and offbeat, but it seemed to fit her mood perfectly.

“And lo, the young lovers amble forth into the world, hearts entwined and hooves apace with each other.”

Celestia looked around, then saw a brown furred unicorn leaning casually against a nearby column, poised as if holding the castle up. She put on her best regal smile and turned to face him. “Pleasant evening, Discord. What brings you about?”

“Oh, nothing much. I just wanted to see how you were doing, now that your so recently rescued sister is flying from the nest.”

“She’s hardly ‘flying’ from the nest. She’s simply going out on a date with her special somepony to see a musical play.”

“Yes, I know. Something called Sweeny Trot,” he chuckled. “It will be her first ‘official’ appearance in public with the great and powerful Macintosh Apple. Defender of princesses, harvester of produce and brave bucking bronco of Bohemian bores.”

“I assume that last is a reference to you?”

“None other,” Discord replied, whirling around and lifting his tail for the alicorn to see. “I even have the hoof prints to prove it...”

“I happen to know for a fact that Big Mac booted you in the chin. You’re just trying to get me to look at your ass.”

“Aww... and such a lovely derriere it is too. You’re really missing something Princess.”

“I’ve seen better,” she countered.

“You’re no fun,” the Draconequus pouted. He suddenly brightened. “Say, I have an idea. Why don’t the two of us disguise ourselves and tag along with the lovers to the theatre?”

Celestia shook her head firmly. “No, Discord.” This is Luna’s big night and I’m not going to ruin it for her, or for that matter allow you to ruin it.”

“And what makes this night any different from any of the other secret dates she and Sir Apple have been on? I mean, she’s not proposing or anything... right.” When there was no immediate comeback from the alicorn Discord looked at her. The expression on her face was unmistakable. “No... You’re kidding, right? Luna’s not actually going to... to... propose to that big lug... is she?”

“And what if she is?”

To Celestia’s amazement the Draconequus started chuckling, then laughing, then guffawing until his pony form melted away and he was restored to his normal serpentine one. Even then the laughing didn’t stop as he curled up on himself to the point he looked like a flemished rope on the deck of a ship. By this time tears were coming to his eyes.

The princess looked on, a sense of dread growing within her. “What did you do?”

“Do?” Discord gasped between bouts of laughter. “Do? Why nothing... nothing at all. It’s just... just!” He burst out laughing again. “Your sister is going to propose marriage after taking her beloved out to see the opening night of a musical about... about CANNIBALISM!”

“WHAT?”

“As Professor Pony I was asked to sit in on this afternoon’s dress rehearsal so I could write a review for the college paper.”

“And you didn’t think to tell Luna?”

“Why would I? As a Gala Premier date, the idea was funny enough that I just couldn’t bring myself to spoil the adventure of discovery. But now... now the idea that she’s proposing is HYSTERICAL!” His laughter grew, filling the hall.

At first, the Sun Princess was annoyed with Discord, but on reflection, she could see he didn’t have anything to do with the situation, and she had to admit it was quite funny. That, and the Draconequus’ laughter was so infectious she found herself chuckling alongside.

“Oh... Poor Lulu!”

“I wouldn’t worry about her,” Discord said. “Love has made a better pony, and stronger ruler of her than anything you or I could devise. She’ll triumph in the end and you’ll have yet another wedding to officiate over.”

“Yes, I will won’t I?”

“You know, I’m going to have to give them an engagement present. Something practical, yet wickedly clever.”

“Perhaps you can turn the Canterlot Gardens into an apple orchard.”

Discord looked at her thoughtfully. “That’s right, isn’t it? If he becomes a Prince Consort, he’ll have to leave behind a life-style he loves. That’s not good.”

“I’ve already spoken to him about it. He understands the sacrifice he’d be making and still wants to be with Luna.”

“True... he is a very level headed pony. Too bad he can’t have his apple cake and eat it too.” The chimera tapped a claw against his tooth thinking for a moment. “Wait a moment. He can!”

“What do you mean?” asked Celestia.

“His cake!” the Draconequus said. “Look, you remember that portal mirror you had moved up to the Crystal Empire a few months ago?”

“Yes... It’s an ancient magic which no pony truly understands.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t exactly say no pony,” Discord replied with a grin.

“YOU?”

“Yes... one of my better spells. I can create another pair of matched mirrors that would allow either Macintosh or your sister to step through and be instantly transported to Sweet Apple Acres. It’s easy because it wouldn’t have to cross dimensional boundaries and the two portals would be relatively close to each other, all they’d have to do is step through and voila. He could work the farm to his heart’s content and be instantly available here should the need arise.”

“Instantly?”

“Well, almost instantly. At least as long as it would take a pony to be summoned from one end of the castle to the other.” The Draconequus started to get excited as he thought of the possibilities. “I could even add a grooming element to the mirror so when Sir Macintosh stepped through he’d look like a Prince, no matter how much mud or sweat he’d accumulated.”

Celestia smiled. “You know... that does sound like a truly practical, and wickedly clever gift.”

“No time to lose,” he shouted. “I must get started on this project while the muse is with me!” There was a sudden pop of air and Discord once more took on the shape of Professor Pony. “Quickly Igor... to the secret lab!” Celestia watched as the brown furred unicorn dashed out of the room and down the hall. A small end table with a potted plant atop it came to life and galloped in pursuit. The Sun Princess quietly wondered what in Equestria he wanted with the table, or for that matter, the plant.

**********

“Well...” Luna observed as the curtain came down, the applause slowly faded and the house lights came up. “That was certainly... uh... interesting.”

“Eeeyup,” Big Mac replied, blinking as his eyes adjusted once more to the normal glow of the overhead chandelier.

“The songs were good...”

“Eeeyup.”

“And I think the acting was quite respectable, if a little off beat.”

“Eeeyup.”

“And you could say the stage décor was... appropriate.”

“Eeeyup.”

“Overall, the director did a suitable job, don’t you think?”

“Eeeyup.”

“Is that all you have to say about the entire play?” Luna asked.

The stallion looked over at her. “Did it have ta be pies?” he asked. The expression on his face was such that the princess burst out laughing even as Macintosh grinned mischievously at her.

“Eeeyup,” she replied.

The curtains at the back of the private booth opened and one of Luna’s Night guard presented himself. “We are ready whenever you are, your majesty.” With that, the alicorn and the earth pony both rose from their seats and made their way to the front lobby. A crowd had gathered, and there was polite applause for the couple. The lead actor and actress stepped forward, the former giving both Luna and Big Mac copies of the playbill signed by every member of the cast. The actress, a rather handsome, middle-aged mare smiled and presented Luna with a dozen roses. The Princess thanked her, then removed one of the roses from the bunch, broke its stem, and tucked the flower through a button hole in Macintosh’s lapel. There was another round of friendly applause and the couple strode out onto the street to be greeted by a dozen or so flashbulbs going off in their face.

Ignoring the questions being thrown at them, the two ponies, protected by a royal honor guard, stepped up into their carriage. The door closed, the guards moved back, and the vehicle advanced out into the street.

“Ah can see why you and Celestia spend so much time in your castle. Just walking down the street can be a chore,” the stallion observed.

“Oh, it’s not so bad. We do it a lot more often than most ponies realize.”

“In disguise?”

“That’s part of the fun of it,” giggled Luna. She sat quietly for a moment, trying to settle the butterflies bouncing around in her stomach the closer they got to their destination. Arriving at the restaurant there was a short repeat of what had happened outside the theatre. Thankfully, there were fewer paparazzi, though these seemed a little more aggressive than the ones at the theatre. Big Mac thought he recognized one or two of them from this morning.

It did not take long for the maître d to seat them in a secluded corner and to ensure they were promptly served. The stallion told Luna about his encounter with the press.

“You really should take care how you treat them,” the princess cautioned with a smile. “It is within their power to influence public opinion. They can make other ponies like you or hate you, based on how you well you respect them.”

“Maybe,” the farmer said, “but they were still wrong. The saplings they pulled up were supposed ta be part of another whole new orchard. Applejack had just signed the paperwork ta buy thirty acres o’ land from the next farm over. No pony likes ta see their hard work tossed down the cistern.”

“I can most assuredly understand,” Luna replied. “Given similar circumstances, Tia and I would probably have chastised them in a like manner... then thrown their muddy flanks into the dungeon.”

Big Mac grinned. “Y’all know what they say about great minds.”

“Eeeyup.”

It wasn’t long before the food arrived and the two lovers were occupied with playfully feeding each other and joking about friends and family. Appetizers of dandelion soup and endive salad were followed by plates brimming with walnut and spinach pasta, hayseed cakes, carrot soufflé and a bottle of champaign. Much of the food was fancier, and a touch richer, than the stallion was used to, but the flavors were so amazing he couldn’t resist at least sampling a bit of everything. By the time dessert arrived, he was tempted to turn it down, that is until he discovered it was a zap-apple torte from Sweet Apple Acres preserves. Luna, who’d never had anything made from zap-apples before was amazed at the flavor.
They finished their meal and Luna delicately used her napkin to dab a bit of pastry off the farmer’s mouth. “Uh... Mac, Darling?” she started nervously.

The stallion paused and looked at her, sensing something important was happening. The princess had never called him ‘Darling’ before. The intensity of his gaze threw the alicorn off slightly. “Okay Luna,” she thought to herself, “Get a grip. You know what you want to say... just put one word in front of the other and get it out. Oh, I’m so nervous!”

“Sir Macintosh...?”

“Eeeyup?”

“You can do this... You can do this... Why is everyone looking at me?”

“Mac? Uh... Dearest? I... Uh... I mean we... No, I... I wanted to ask you...”

“Eeeyup?” the stallion asked.

“Oh Tia... where are you when I need you? NO! I don’t need Tia for this. This is something I can do... have to do... WANT TO DO!”

“Would... would you... would you like... to... to...” Luna’s mind froze for an instant as she looked into the eyes of the pony she loved. “The heck with it...”

“LET’S GET MARRIED!”

The words exploded from the princess’ mouth like one of Pinky’s party cannons going off. All conversation around them came to a sudden, and somewhat jarring stop and one nearby waiter dropped a tray of dishes. Luna closed her eyes and face-hoofed.

Before she knew what was happening she felt a pair of warm, gentle lips press against hers. She opened her eyes and found Big Mac kissing her. He broke off the caress and leaned back, looking at her, a broad, gentle smile on his face.

“Yes!” he whispered, grazing his cheek against hers.

Around them arose a gentle, polite applause as other ponies, smiling, brought their hooves together in approval. When they left the restaurant a few minutes later word was already racing ahead of them like wildfire. There was going to be a new Prince in Canterlot.

Neither the princess nor her stallion noticed the small drop of crimson staining her napkin.

Comments

[Gustauve]

Hurray! Now he just has to survive this latest attempt on his life and everything will be wonderful.

[Radical Gopher]

3464675
I only just discovered it when I wrote this story. Welcome to the club. LOL.

[Radical Gopher]

3464331
Yes, all he has to do is deal with an insane, queen of the changelings and a scheming unicorn stallion while simultaneously fighting off something a bit more invasive than the common cold. This could be fun.

[SFaccountant]

And then Mac contracted magic crystal cancer.
Oh, the equinity!

[way_2_spooky_4_u]

Neither the princess nor her stallion noticed the small drop of crimson staining her napkin.

If that stain was blood, one of them would have tasted it. Also, Spike noticed that Macintosh and Starlight drank more from the first pot of tea than the second, the latter of which I assumed to be the only poisoned pot, so I wonder if that is a red herring. Also, since both Macintosh and Starlight drank the tea, wouldn't both of them spontaneously developing 'cancer' at the same time be super suspicious. Also, I know that Spike only had like, a grain of the crystal, but wouldn't he still develop a faux tumor as a result?

[Radical Gopher]

9178563
As you read on you'll find certain parties will be upset by this development.