Part 5
*outside the sim*
Discord stood with his arms crossed, tapping his goat leg on the ground. He glanced at the wrist of his eagle claw, utterly ignoring the watch on his lion’s paw, before looking skyward with a annoyed look on his face.
This continued until a sound attracted his attention. Glancing down the path towards Ponyville he spotted Andrew and several other ponies returning. Laden down with picnic blankets, snacks, and in Andrew’s case pulling a wagon filled with a variety of recording devices.
Discord quickly teleported over to Andrew, floating beside him as they reached the simulators viewing area. Once there he voiced his annoyance.
“Well FINALLY! It took you long enough. Was it really necessary to pause the show so long for you to get all this? I'm a busy spirit of chaos you know.”
Andrew smirked as he quickly busied himself helping Vinyl and Octavia set up several of the recording devices. In the background the rest of the girls were busy spreading out the snacks and blankets. He paused and glanced over his shoulder towards Discord.
“Me fighting you Bugs Bunny style? Oh, Yes it was necessary. This sort of show practically demands snackage and needs to be recorded. Preferably in a medium spelled to be discord tamper proof. Just to ensure its around for posterity. Or at least future blackmail opportunities.”
Discord rolled his eyes. Then spent several seconds chasing them around the meadow, before returning to Andrew as he was checking the wires on the sound system. His snout in the air as he arrogantly replied with a snort.
“Oh Really Shepherd. Like you have any chance against moi in a head to head clash. You’re a human and I’m the spirit of chaos. I don't see why you think imitating some insectoid rabbit will change things in that equation. “
Andrew let out an amused chuckle.
“You kidding? Remember when I tricked you into being Dr. Fate during that DC hero sim? THIS is going to be much, much more epically amusing.”
Discord waved his paw disbelievingly. Then glanced around as he noticed every other pony had finished setting things up.
“Fine, fine... Keep your monkey boy delusions. As long as we can continue with the show. Just don’t come crying to me when your simulated self’s plan fails utterly before my magnificence.”
Andrew shook his head bemused. settling down with a small tub of popcorn between Twilight and Fluttershy, who quickly took advantage to cuddle up against his sides. After a quick check to see that the rest of the girls and other ponies were comfortable, he waved his hand towards the simulator screen.
“You’ll see Discord… You’ll see. But for now on with the show!”
Discord nodded and the simulator started up again. The image focusing on downtown Ponyville and Discord, who stood before two familiar ponies.
*Inside the sim*
Discord tsked as he adjusted the beret on his head and spoke into a directors megaphone.
“No no no! Not enough energy! Where is the pizazz? You two are really not getting into this. Look I gave you the costumes and everything., So lets try this performance from the top, this time with FEELING.”
He snapped his fingers and a spotlight shone down out of the clear blue sky to highlight the two ponies he was talking to. Namely Octavia and Vinyl Scratch, both looking highly disgruntled in the high school cheerleader outfits they were dressed up in. Discord waved his hands again, as the duo glared pure murder at him.
“And a one... and a two... a one, two, three...!”
Suddenly a peppy tune on a piano begins to play, with several other instruments joining in shortly. Octavia and Vinyl start dancing to the beat, their bodies moving jerkily as they follow the music against their will. Then the true horror begins as they both open their mouths and unwillingly begin to sing. Octavia taking the first line, followed by Vinyl on the next.
“Oh baby, baby...”
“How was I supposed to know...”
----------------------------------------
*Outside the sim*
Everyone turned their heads from the simulated scene of Octavia and Vinyl performing 'hit me baby one more time', as twin screeches of outrage echoed across the field. The Real Octavia and Vinyl stood stood on their feet, trying to destroy Discord with the pure fury of rage in their glares.
“Brittany Shears? BRITTANY SHEARS!!!!”
“YOU ... HAD US... PERFORM.... BRITTANY SHEARS!”
Discord blinked in surprise at the heat from the anger the two mares were emitting. Even as they continued ranting.
“THAT... THAT.... No Good....”
“Lip-synching...
“Tone deaf...”
“Rhythm impaired...”
“Screeching...”
“Caterwauling...”
With each accusation Discord took a nervous step backwards…. Until he was bowled over by the combined shout of their last descriptive of the artist in question.
“ HACK!”
Weakly Discord raised one paw, as he tried to defend his actions.
“It seemed funny at the time?”
This was obviously the wrong thing to say. As a low whistling sound could be heard coming from Octavia’s ears while she gritted her teeth. The grass beneath her hooves smoldering as if in proximity to a great heat source. Vinyl on the other hand just threw her hoofs up into the air and yelled in frustration.
“GRAAAH! THAT'S IT!”
Everyone else looked on in confusion as the white DJ pony turned around and begin to Storm off towards Ponyville. It was Rainbow Dash who asked the question that was on everyone's mind.
“Vinyl! Where are you going?”
“ TO GET MY BASS CANNON!!!”
Octavia, with fire still in her eyes quickly turned and galloped to catch up to Vinyl.
“ WAIT UP I'LL HELP!”
Discord stared nonplussed as he watched the two storm off towards Ponyville. Getting to his feet he turned a bewildered gaze towards Andrew.
“ Should I...?”
Andrew not even glancing at Discord as he returned his attention back to the simulator screen absently replied.
“Yes... Yes, you should be VERY concerned and afraid.”
Discord scratched his chin as he considered the problem.
“ ...Maybe if I offer them a special extra spicy shipping sim with you it will get me off the hook.”
This did catch Andrews attention, as his head turned sharply towards the draconequus. His Eyes narrowed as he hissed in irritation.
“Is pimping me out your answer to ALL of your problems?”
Discord smiled as he clasped his hands together and shot back in a faux innocent tone.
“But it solves so MANY of them!”
Before the verbal sparring could go any further Pinkie’s head popped up and glared at the two of them.
“ SHH! Will you two be quiet! Andrew is just entering!”
Giving Discord a glare to indicate that the discussion was not over, Andrew turned his attention back to the show.
*inside the Sim*
Discord chortles as he has the two musical mares move onto other songs. Just as they begin to perform the opening lines of ‘Stronger’, a loud crunching sound interrupts things. Frowning Discord turns around and quickly spots the disturbance. Namely Andrew leaning against one of the Ponyville houses as he idly munches loudly on a carrot.
“Ehhh... Whats up, Discord?”
Discord blinked and tilted his head sideways in confusion at the greetings. Then shrugs and floated over.
“Oh look! The evolved monkey is back. Did the widdle simian get tired of mean ol' Fluttershy? So much for determination... But I’m sure I can think of other fun games to play!”
Discord Laughed nastily. Andrew stood up straight and frowned. He stepped forward as his hands made as if her were rolling up his sleeves, while moving confidently towards the Draconequess of chaos.
“Oh yeah? Well I decided that for what you did to her Discord. You’re going to pay.”
As he speaks Andrew idly takes off one of the white gloves he is wearing. Discord leans forward a highly Amused look on his face at this actions. He scoffed as Andrew seemed to get angrier and stuck out his chin mockingly.
“Oh? Are you challenging me ? With a glove as your weapon of choice? Against ME??? You really are a silly specimen aren't you. Do you want a free hit for fairness?”
“As a matter of fact I do! I challenge you sir! For you have offended my honor!”
With that Andrew whipped the glove in his hand back. Than With a twist of his wrist he snapped it forward to slap directly on Discord's out thrust chin.
*CLANG!*
Octavia and Vinyl blink in unison as a loud metallic thud rang loudly as the glove connected with Discords chin. And then watched in glee as the spirit of chaos was sent flying into the air, his whole body twisting violently directly into a nearby fruit vendor cart. Discord lay there senselessly, covered in lumber with one claw sticking out into the air and twitching.
Andrew blinked in surprise and pulled his glove up to his face to examine it suspiciously. He gave it a few tentative shakes, listening to it rattle. Then frowning turned the glove wrist side down, and held the bottom open wide while he proceeded to vigorously shake it as if trying to dislodge something
.
A loud clunk rang across the sidewalk. Quickly followed by three more, as four metal horseshoes cascaded out onto the ground from the inside of the small glove. Andrew didn’t even spare them a glance however as his frown deepened. He started giving his glove several stronger shakes as if trying to dislodge something incredibly stubborn. Until finally Octavia and Vinyl’s eyes widened in shock as with a mighty thud Dr. Whooves body somehow slid out of the still normal hand sized glove unto the ground.
This apparently surprised Andrew as well. As he stared incredulously while the good Doctor got back up onto his hooves and brushed himself off. Then he turned to face Andrew.
“Ooh.... thank you Alexander. That chaotic pest caught me without my screwdriver and you would not BELIEVE the bizarre timeloop he then stuck me in. Or that strange green haired mare who kept chasing me through it over and over while trying to bludgeon me with a key shaped staff.... You know she never did explain that staff to me, I may have to visit it again to find out…”
“ Doctor… Focus. I’m Happy to have been of service... And by the way it's Andrew.”
“Oh quite right…. I do apologize but timeloops and spatial physics distortion exits are quite disorienting you know?”
Andrew sighed and then paused as he glanced at the twitching remnants of the destroyed fruit cart.
“I’ll take your word for it Doctor. Still, you'd better get out of here. Laughing boy over there seems to be getting up. I think the Crusaders said they saw Derpy trying to keep Dinky safe with the other foals at the Ponyville School.”
Doctor Whooves smiled and patted Andrew on the shoulder.
“Right-o I do need to check that they are alright. If I can find my screwdriver I'll be back to help!”
Andrew shook his head in bemusement as he watched the Doctor dash off. He continued scanning the changes in the Ponyville street corner that Discord had done. All while pointedly ignoring the sound of Discord emerging from the fruit cart wreckage. At least until the Draconequess gave out an annoyed cough. With a smile on his face Andrew finally turned to face Discord.
“Yessssss?”
The Spirit of Chaos gave him a curious and slightly annoyed look.
“... Alright... I'll admit I am a bit curious as to how you pulled that off, simian....”
Andrew smirked and reached up to condescendingly pat Discord on the shoulder before nonchalantly stepping away as he answered.
“Oh its quite simple my dear boy. See, I've figured you out.”
Discord grew even more bemused, while clearly planning on how he would get some payback.
“Oh you have?”
Andrew nodded and spread his arms wide, before pointing directly at Discord.
“Indeed I have. You're Daffy Duck.”
Discord blinked in astonishment. His planning knocked off kilter by this non-sequitur. His voice raising in disbelief.
“I'm... Daffy Duck? I'm a Daffy Duck????”
Discord proceed to move his claws in a gesture that highlighted his Draco-Equines body.
“I’M A DUCK???!”
Andrew just looks on in amused boredom, until he heard the magic phrase. Then from nowhere he pulled out a small wooden sign. A sign with just two simple words on it.
DUCK SEASON.
Discord had only time to blink once when suddenly a hunting horn blew a call in the background. Then numerous random ponies popped up over every ridge, building, and other obscuring obstacle in the surrounding area. Each and every one of them wielding Smokestack brand firearms, which they proceeded to use to bombard Discord with. The barrage of firepower lasted for several seconds.
Then as quickly as they appeared every pony ducked back down again and vanished from sight, leaving only Andrew, Vinyl, and Octavia behind to stare at Discord. A very blackened Discord who stood alone in the center of a small crater, his antler and goat horn blown sheer off his forehead from the mass shooting. The Draconequess growled as he leant down to pick up his deer antler and goat horn from the ground. His irritation clearly growing as he quickly screwed them back onto his forehead before turning back towards Andrew.
“Grrr... WHY YOU-!”
Discord let a Snort of rage out as he stomped forward to grab Andrew. Who in response just smiled and waggled his eyebrows while musing.
“Hmm... Exit stage left I think.”
With that, Andrew dramatically lifted his left leg and assumed a position of running for a second. Than with a whoosh all that seemed to remain where he had been standing was a giant dust cloud connected to a blur that seemed to head off towards the distance. Discord blinked and then gritted his teeth.
“HEY!!! GET BACK HERE!!!”
With that Discord took off in pursuit, creating his own dust cloud next to Andrews. Leaving behind a very confused Octavia and Vinyl who blankly watch as the dust clouds at the starting point started to fade away. The two mares became even more perplexed as the clearing dust revealed Andrew calmly standing in place while he watched Discords dust cloud fade to miniscule size as it ran across several hills into the distance.
“You know for a spirit of chaos, he's kind of slow on the uptake. Huh. Oh well, better get to work.”
Humming a small tune, Andrew trotted into a small nearby workshop. After a few moments he reappeared dragging back into the street a pile of wood, tools, and miscellaneous items. Spending a moment examining his bounty, Andrew nodded and dragged several planks off screen. Shortly thereafter the sounds of sawing, hammering, and drilling ring out into the air. Finally the din faded away and Andrew reappeared one last time walking backwards, his attention focused on mopping a trail of liquid onto the ground. The identity of the liquid becomes apparent as Andrew finishes up and leans against a large barrel labeled ‘Axel Grease’ and glances back towards Discords distant form.
As he watched the small silhouette of Discord heading over the horizon suddenly stopped. Then the distant form suddenly leapt up as if it had just come to an angered realization. The dot seemed to turn around and rapidly began to return back to its starting point. Andrew calmly peeled a banana as he watched the distant dot slowly start to become more discernible as the chaotic Draconequss approaching at speed.
After a few moments of watching Andrew finally stepped away from the barrel he had been leaning on and negligently tossed the banana peel in his hand onto the ground. The rapidly approaching Discord saw this act and in reply just rolled his eyes and then leapt over the peel. He turned his head in mid jump to stick his tongue out at a bemused Andrew, causing caused him to completely miss the large trail of grease his jump aimed him toward. Andrew’s grin widened as he watched Discord land directly on top of the grease trail and proceed to slide along it at alarming speeds completely out of control with his arms wailing.
Andrew waved as he watched discord slide up the recently built wooden ramp and let out a small laugh as the spirit of chaos was launched into the air belly down. Nearby, Octavia and Vinyl clapped politely at the show.
Midair Discord blinked in confusion as he noted his trajectory was bringing him directly over a paint brush dripping with a substance. It was only as said brush painted a liberal splatter across his belly that he identified it as a glue of some sorts. He grew even more confused as the next prop he flew over was an loosely held piece of sandpaper. Which upon passing over slipped off its holder and was now glued firmly to his stomach.
Discord finally figured out what the sand paper was for, just as it struck a match positioned just high enough to brush his belly. A match which proceeded to light a long fuse that hissed merrily along his current flight path. Discord followed the burning fuse as it raced past him, only for his eyes to widen comically as he saw it heading for a very large barrel with the label TNT on the side.
“Oh.... Poopie.”
*KABOOM!!!*
Octavia and Vinyl smiled at the beautiful sight of their tormenter being exploded. Then suddenly found themselves compelled by their outfits to break out into a cheer. They glanced at each other and shrugged, before they started belting out excitedly at the top of their lungs in unison.
“Rick em Rack em Shepherds great!
Stick that Bomb to Discord's Flank!”
Andrew smiled himself and took a exaggerated bow towards the duo of cheering musical Mares. When he straightened up he snatched a rose that appeared to fly out of nowhere from the air, and took a long sniff.
“Ah... me public!”
As he enjoyed the cheer routine, neither Andrew nor Octavia or Vinyl three noticed Discord popping up behind him with a large sack in his claws. Without any verbal warning he quickly swooped the sack over Andrews body. Than yanked it back up and shut its opening tight trapping him inside. Discord paused to Look proudly at the struggling container for a moment. Then he turned a glare at Octavia and Vinyl, who had been wrapping up another pro-Andrew cheer, and hissed .
“YOU TWO STAY OUT THIS!”
Octavia and Vinyl blinked and both shrunk back. They immediately Pulled out two miniscule pennants that barely had enough space for a miniature D on it. Then responded in a unenthusiastic bored tone.
“Discord, Discord
He's a trollish spirit of chaos mate..
If he can't do it.....
GREAT!!!!!!!”
Discords glare grew more annoyed.
“As soon as I deal with the monkey you two are next...”
As the two mares shrank back and Discord turned back to gloat at the sack in his hands, neither of the three noticed as a nearby cottage door opened. Out of which popped Andrew, stroking his chin with a thoughtful look on his face as he murmured.
“I wonder if that is what it feels like to be Pinkie?”
Andrew shrugged and then strolled up to stand behind Discord who was chuckling evilly as he described various fiendish plans to the bag in his hand. With a twitch of his wrist Andrew produced a new carrot that he began nibbling on. Then tapped Discord on the shoulder and ask between bites.
“ Eh... What’s in the bag mac?”
Discord replied to the question in a distracted tone, not even turning his head ot see who was talking to him.
“An over evolved simian of great annoyance. I'm going to have such FUN teaching him proper manners. Oh yes….”
“Yeah? That a fact? Mind if I take I peek at him?”
Discord absently opened the bag a bit to allow Andrew to glance inside. All while he continued muttering about what he was going to do to the human in the bag.
“OH yes.. and after you finish shoveling the heffalump manure…. I think perhaps some candy cane skin would suit you nicely monkey…..”
Andrew finished his peek, and gave a ‘you’re crazy’ glance at Discords mutterings. Then scratched the top of his head with the partially eaten carrot.
“Yeah that Sounds fine and all Mac... but there's one small problem.”
“Eh? What kind of problem?”
At this Discord finally glanced back to look at Andrew, but clearly not quite registering who was standing before him. Andrew gave a sheepish shrug.
“No human.”
Discord blinked in disbelief for a second. Than just to verify he stuck his head into the sack himself. A few more moments passed, before he let the sack drop to the ground, revealing in his paw a large stick of dynamite with a lit fuse. He shot a droll glance at Andrew.
“Oh hardy... Har har.”
Discord licked the talons on his eagle claw and gently puts out the lit fuse. Than without even a blink of concern he flipped the stick over and extinguishes the second lit fuse. Whose existence only became apparent as he doused it. He then waved a chiding claw at Andrew.
“Really... Did you truly think that would wor... wait…. Why do I still hear hissing?”
Discord’s face shot back to the Dynamite stick that he flipped over again. To reveal a THIRD lit fuse where the first one had been originally. A fuse that quickly burned down into the stick body before he could react.
“Now how did yo....
All of Ponyville shook as the stick exploded with a loud KABOOM!!! That quickly obscured the surrounding area with a large dust cloud.
Andrew stepped out of the smoke cloud, his hands dusting off debris from his clothing. He glanced at the shocked Octavia and Vinyl while chuckling nastily.
“Nye-heh-heh... What a tool. What a ultra-Maroon. What a schmuck... what a nincom-“
Andrew slowly trailed off as he felt hot breath on his collar. Turning around he came face to snout with a heavily breathing livid Discord standing behind him. Clouds of smokey rages shot out of his nose with each huff of breath as he glowered down at the human.
“-poop….. Crap...”
Andrew let his face fall into a huge smile and raised his hand to give a small wave.
“BY~EEEE!”
With that Andrew’s formed vanished into a cloud of dust. A moment later Discord mirrored the act once again creating two large dustclouds where they both had been standing. This time it was Discord’s cloud that dispersed first, revealing that the draconequess hadn’t moved an inch from his starting point. His entire body was poised and ready to pounce just as soon as the other cloud of dust faded away. A second passed and then Andrews dust cloud blew away to reveal standing there... absolutely nothing. Discord blinked in shock and then glanced upwards to quickly spot Andrew form running for the hills at top speed. Discord clenched his claws and gritted his teeth as he hopped up and down in angry frustration.
“OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!”
After one last hop Discord took off after the fleeing Andrew, making sure to put on an extra burst of speed in an attempt to catch up. Hearing the sound of pursuit, Andrew glanced behind him. He spotted Discord easily, noting how quickly the spirit of Chaos was gaining on him. For a second Andrew considered rapidly sticking out his tongue and blowing a raspberry at Discord. Then he shook his head with a smile. No, changing characterization was to risky a gamble, besides he was more than accomplishing his goals as it was. Pondering his next gag, Andrew turned to face forward to watch where he was racing. AS he did so his smile quickly turned into a frown as he noted the landscape around him
“Uh-oh.”
With that Utterance Andrew suddenly leapt up and stuck his legs out in front of him. His feet screeched against the ground, acting as brakes that quickly halted his momentum. As he finished moving, his body vibrated in place for a second trying to reconcile with the sudden change in momentum. As he finished steadying himself, Andrew could only watch in bemusement as Discord shot past him. The Draconequess greater speed causing his own screeching halt to end several feet away from Andrew position.
As he finished screeching to his own halt, Discord turned an angry glare upon Andrew. Whom only smiled and cupped his hands around his mouth before calling out
“Hey baggy-eyes!”
“WHAT?”
At the angry response Andrew only smiled and raised a single finger. He then used that finger to point downwards; Discords gaze followed in the direction indicated. He quickly noted Andrew had stopped a few feet before the edge of a sudden sharp cliff, an edge that Discord himself had overshot by a large margin. Which meant he was now standing on nothing but thin air.
“Oh *$#^$&%^*&$#%^&%$@!”
Andrew blinked and then turned his head aside as he addressed thin air.
“ I don't know what's being censored and I'm kind of happy about that...”
With that Andrew turned his attention back upon Discord, who finally seemed to feel the pull of gravity. Most of Discord shot downwards at great speed, while his neck elongated so his head remained aloft long enough to give Andrew a death glare. Then it to vanished below Andrews line of sight, leaving only a faint whistling sound echoing across the area. Curiously Andrew peered over the edge of the cliff observing Discords rapidly receding form.
“I wonder if that silly spirit will remember he can fly?”
Andrew found himself flung back from the edge as the entire cliff and nearby scenery vibrated with the loud THUD of Discords landing. He quickly stood up and gave a philosophical shrug.
“Huh... guess not.”
Shaking his head Andrew turned towards a pathway down from the cliff side. He quickly descended downwards, pulling a large sombrero out from behind while he traveled. Upon arriving at the base of the cliff he spotted the large clearly outlined hole Discord had made into the ground. Andrew put the Sombrero onto his head and then began to hum a catchy tune as he sauntered towards his target, intent on unleashing more shenanigans
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Excellent woik, it captures the style beeeutifully!
Glad to see this still lives. Keep it up!