Alternate ending to "Mistress Do Well." Her dream crushed and spirit broken, Rainbow Dash disappears from Ponyville without a trace, leaving Twilight and the others behind with the unspeakable atrocities they put her through.
This is such an in-depth follow through for an alternate ending. I really enjoy the amazing detail and thought you are putting into it and just want to say that I hope for your continuous success in the story.
I do not see a derpy pony. I see Derpy, a pony. one day I will figure out how to put a sig on fimfiction,
So Dash wants to hold a funeral for Rarity with her friends in atendance, or atleast thats my guess. If so then my greatest wish from this story will be comeing to be, I have been hopeing for this ever scince you responded to my coment on chapter five. I am digging out a feels bunker, this will be intence.
quote]Why? Spitfire, they broke me down there. They broke me, and then their plan fell apart. I ran away a frightened, angry, broken mare; alone, and with no one to help me put the pieces back together. The mare you sent that acceptance letter to... That cocky, arrogant stunt flier... She died in Rarity's basement. I'm sorry, but, that's just the way it is."
If I'm reading this right does this mean that rarity's plan worked?
"What's the matter? Can't you explain why you let four rapists walk free? Why you couldn't go and find some friends that actually care about you?"
Its nice to see someone who thinks rationally actually call-out Dash for her thought possess on this whole thing.
"
But thank you. You've made me feel even better about my decision. I'd rather their fates be in the hooves of an unstable torture victim like me, instead of in the hooves of a merciless, cold-hearted suit like you. You like punishing bad ponies? Locking them up hoping it'll make them learn to behave? Well who knows? If your judicial career goes under you could always convert your office into a sex dungeon, since you certainly seem to have the right mindset."
Yes because the guy whose job it is to actually punish ponys who break the law is totally evil and in the wrong for wanting to protect the citizens of Equestria from four kidnapping,torturing,rapists.
"Just like you couldn't bring yourself to forgive Luna?"
Where Does Rainbow get off telling everyone how wrong they are for not forgiving twilight and the others for what they've done? Just because they would rather punish them under the law instead of with rainbows hug and love rehabilitation this makes them as bad as rarity
“Rainbow, Rarity's magic wasn't the sole reason. In order for a spell like that to work, to blur their moral line, she needed their trust, and their belief that what they were doing was going to work, as well as knowing them so well that she knew how to exploit their weaknesses. She had all three of those things. She had slowly and subtly broken Fluttershy into such a submissive state of mind that she no longer had free will. She took advantage of Applejack's anger over you breaking promises and commitments to others.
Pinkie really hadn't experienced any suffering. Her whole life has been making ponies happy. You were making other ponies suffer. She doesn't know how to fix that. She could cheer the ponies up, but you'd just keep letting them down again. The only way was to fix you. But you were happy with the state things were in. You were happy, so she couldn't make you happy to make the others happy. She had to make you unhappy, then build you back up.
As for Twilight... Rarity made it purely analytic for her. Recording it, framing it as an experiment, taking notes... So that she viewed you as a test subject and not a friend. She made her see it like she sees everything: something to be observed, studied, broken down, and quantified. Every problem has an answer. A lesson to be learned. She wanted to help "fix" you, find the answer to a problem. Your ego was your problem, a formula, and she needed to take notes and figure out the solution. She wasn't thinking about you as a friend, she was too focused on studying and fixing the problem. But as time went on, she couldn't keep focusing, couldn't keep ignoring you. She began to realize that you were more than your ego. She saw you break, she saw you scared out of your mind, no ego to speak of, a vulnerable, suffering pony; all these things that weren't part of the formula she was trying to solve. So she put an end to it. She remembered that you were her friend."
Finally someone actually brings this up. As much as I have enjoyed reading this story one thing kept bugging me was the fact that this entire thing was made Rarity's fault and that Dash acts like Twilight,applejack,and pinkie went out of town for the weekend and had no clue what rarity was doing to Dash in her basement. Yes I know that it was Rarity's plan and everything but it doesn't absolve the others of their roles in the crime and it was good of Celestia to make that point.
3844800 I didn't think of her rebuttal to the prosecutor as being literally true, but it explains why she wouldn't be attracted to his idea of justice. She's kind of soured on punishment and imprisonment.
Done with chapter 13. How do you do it? The details. The personalities / psychological stuff. The awe-inspiring notions and arguments. The side stories. The... everything.
Only got one question. What is she doing with Rarity's urn? I saw in the comments of the last chapter, someone said something about digging up rarity. Does this have anything to do with that? I'm sure whatever you do, you'll make it work, but that'd be really weird, i'm not gonna lie. But god, rainbow's argument to Luna was flawless. As was her argument to celestia. RD is really becoming quite the 'beacon of insight'. Perhaps due to the internal struggle? Who would be better at evaluation, than someone who has been broken, and is forced to constantly second guess (re-evaluate) everything they do? Seeing as evaluations are a necessary step to the formation of conclusions, it would seem to make sense that those with the least fixed ideas... those who engage in the most critical reflection, would be the ones with the greatest potential for thinking up unconventional solutions, as would be required in a situation such as this.
Just my $0.02.
3846563 And you do very well in implementing it. The chapters feel very cinematic, as your other stories have.
I like this. It basically says that everyone should get a chance to be forgiven if he/she truly regrets his/her mistakes and wants to fix them. I can live with that. Grudges never lead to anything good.
Reading about Rainbow being so savagely, venomously angry at people in this chapter seemed a little jarring. I suppose it's been a while in the story since I've seen her like that, so it was a bit of a jolt to see it. I suppose, when I think about it, I can understand her being so angry, to the extent that it seems a bit over-the-top! After what she's been through, and what's happened, I suppose it makes sense.
It seems a bit unfair for Rainbow to be so abusive to Swiften Just. I mean, he was just doing his job, and I can understand why he'd want kidnappers and rapists to be punished. But, at the same time, I still think Rainbow's way of dealing with it is better. She made quite a good point about how locking people up is unlikely to make them behave better. Plus, Rainbow explained, in this story's original final chapter, that she is punishing her friends, in a way! She said that them having to face her, and be reminded of what they did, was going to be 'their punishment and their salvation'.
Some might say that it's unrealistic for Rainbow to be so angry and personal (some might call it 'insolent') with the princesses - especially with Luna. It did seem a little strange. Then again, Celestia has been shown, in the show, to quite like to treat her subjects like her equals as far as she can - or at least to try and interact with them on the same level as them. She has shown signs that she's not that fussed about pomp and protocol and that she wishes people wouldn't take her so seriously, so I suppose it works. And Luna has seemed to want to actually connect with her subjects and not just lord it over them (remember the episode 'Luna Eclipsed'?).
Either way, it's so great to read all the discussions in this chapter! First Rainbow vs. Swiften, then Rainbow vs. Luna, and finally Rainbow vs. Celestia. Two ponies arguing their side, each giving reasonable, debatable points in their favour. It's a very mature, interesting thing to read! Plus, the discussions still get laced with emotions appropriate to the situation and to the characters, so it's not just dry words. Some people might complain that having the characters talk for a long time is boring, and that you should show, not tell. I disagree! Sometimes, if the things that the characters are talking about are fascinating enough (and if the dialogue is written well enough), then a lot of talking is fine, and can even be one of the best parts of a story! And I like these discussions. They really go deep into the characters and the ideas in this story, and they're nice and thought-provoking. In any case, how could any author talk about the issues in these discussions by showing something? Having the characters talk about them is much easier, and feels more natural.
And...that means what now? That Celestia is a fucking idiot in this universe? Or was she playing them all for fools and fully intended to give Twilight everything back? Because that damn tree has shown that Twilight is very important to whatever the tree wants. Something about her destiny.
"But- becoming a Wonderbolt... That's your dream! I've never seen anypony as passionate as you, why wouldn't you want to do something you've spent your whole life yearning for?"
Because Spitfire, her so called friends broke her of mind body and spirit! Do you honestly believe that the Rainbow Dash you knew would still be there after what she was put through. I sure wouldn't!
"Why? Spitfire, they broke me down there. They broke me, and then their plan fell apart. I ran away a frightened, angry, broken mare; alone, and with no one to help me put the pieces back together. The mare you sent that acceptance letter to... That cocky, arrogant stunt flier... She died in Rarity's basement. I'm sorry, but, that's just the way it is."
Truer words have never been spoken.
"Well," Spitfire began, giving Rainbow a look of disappointment, but understanding, "if she ever comes back, that invitation is still open. I'll let you enjoy your lunch."
Thanks for the generous offer Spitfire, but I highly doubt that she's going to accept it after all that's happened.
I mean, nightmare didnt really do that much. luna was only actually nightmare for like, 5 minutes before being sent to the moon. and even than, she only brought the moon up and blasted celestia once
9223936 There are still ambiguous parts. True; the outright fight only lasted a matter of minutes, but how long was the moon in the sky before Celestia realized something needed to be done, now.
Actually we've all seen in an alternate universe plants grow fine I'm the night. The only negative would be the anti Celestia. And the rebellion. Nothing I couldn't handle or have a problem with.
This is such an in-depth follow through for an alternate ending. I really enjoy the amazing detail and thought you are putting into it and just want to say that I hope for your continuous success in the story.
I do not see a derpy pony.
I see Derpy, a pony.
one day I will figure out how to put a sig on fimfiction,
This is a fine pickle.
3843511 I'll go find my pickle barrel.
There is one too many spaces between these words.
Full stop followed by a lowercase letter.
I. Was. CLOSE! Missed it by /)(\ that much.
I know that this is supposed to be a somber story, but I cannot stop smiling. KBO.
3843565 Thanks. I'd like to hear more about what you think of the story, and less of what you think of grammar errors.
Last I checked, I didn't email an EqD prereader, so it's not like I'm looking for things like this.
So Dash wants to hold a funeral for Rarity with her friends in atendance, or atleast thats my guess. If so then my greatest wish from this story will be comeing to be, I have been hopeing for this ever scince you responded to my coment on chapter five. I am digging out a feels bunker, this will be intence.
Dayum, Dash has her speech skill at lvl100
3843586 Thank you, finally. Was wondering when I would get a reaction to her rebuttal to Celestia.
How are you so amazing at writing these kind of stories? How?
3844187
derpicdn.net/img/2014/1/19/528287/large.png
[
If I'm reading this right does this mean that rarity's plan worked?
Its nice to see someone who thinks rationally actually call-out Dash for her thought possess on this whole thing.
"
Yes because the guy whose job it is to actually punish ponys who break the law is totally evil and in the wrong for wanting to protect the citizens of Equestria from four kidnapping,torturing,rapists.
Where Does Rainbow get off telling everyone how wrong they are for not forgiving twilight and the others for what they've done?
Just because they would rather punish them under the law instead of with rainbows hug and love rehabilitation this makes them as bad as rarity
Finally someone actually brings this up.
As much as I have enjoyed reading this story one thing kept bugging me was the fact that this entire thing was made Rarity's fault and that Dash acts like Twilight,applejack,and pinkie went out of town for the weekend and had no clue what rarity was doing to Dash in her basement.
Yes I know that it was Rarity's plan and everything but it doesn't absolve the others of their roles in the crime and it was good of Celestia to make that point.
3844800 I didn't think of her rebuttal to the prosecutor as being literally true, but it explains why she wouldn't be attracted to his idea of justice. She's kind of soured on punishment and imprisonment.
3845145
True
3846550 I do try to write in a cinematic style most of the time.
Done with chapter 13.
How do you do it? The details. The personalities / psychological stuff. The awe-inspiring notions and arguments. The side stories. The... everything.
Only got one question. What is she doing with Rarity's urn? I saw in the comments of the last chapter, someone said something about digging up rarity. Does this have anything to do with that? I'm sure whatever you do, you'll make it work, but that'd be really weird, i'm not gonna lie. But god, rainbow's argument to Luna was flawless. As was her argument to celestia. RD is really becoming quite the 'beacon of insight'. Perhaps due to the internal struggle? Who would be better at evaluation, than someone who has been broken, and is forced to constantly second guess (re-evaluate) everything they do? Seeing as evaluations are a necessary step to the formation of conclusions, it would seem to make sense that those with the least fixed ideas... those who engage in the most critical reflection, would be the ones with the greatest potential for thinking up unconventional solutions, as would be required in a situation such as this.
Just my $0.02.
3846563 And you do very well in implementing it. The chapters feel very cinematic, as your other stories have.
I like this. It basically says that everyone should get a chance to be forgiven if he/she truly regrets his/her mistakes and wants to fix them. I can live with that. Grudges never lead to anything good.
Reading about Rainbow being so savagely, venomously angry at people in this chapter seemed a little jarring. I suppose it's been a while in the story since I've seen her like that, so it was a bit of a jolt to see it. I suppose, when I think about it, I can understand her being so angry, to the extent that it seems a bit over-the-top! After what she's been through, and what's happened, I suppose it makes sense.
It seems a bit unfair for Rainbow to be so abusive to Swiften Just. I mean, he was just doing his job, and I can understand why he'd want kidnappers and rapists to be punished. But, at the same time, I still think Rainbow's way of dealing with it is better. She made quite a good point about how locking people up is unlikely to make them behave better. Plus, Rainbow explained, in this story's original final chapter, that she is punishing her friends, in a way! She said that them having to face her, and be reminded of what they did, was going to be 'their punishment and their salvation'.
Some might say that it's unrealistic for Rainbow to be so angry and personal (some might call it 'insolent') with the princesses - especially with Luna. It did seem a little strange. Then again, Celestia has been shown, in the show, to quite like to treat her subjects like her equals as far as she can - or at least to try and interact with them on the same level as them. She has shown signs that she's not that fussed about pomp and protocol and that she wishes people wouldn't take her so seriously, so I suppose it works. And Luna has seemed to want to actually connect with her subjects and not just lord it over them (remember the episode 'Luna Eclipsed'?).
Either way, it's so great to read all the discussions in this chapter! First Rainbow vs. Swiften, then Rainbow vs. Luna, and finally Rainbow vs. Celestia. Two ponies arguing their side, each giving reasonable, debatable points in their favour. It's a very mature, interesting thing to read! Plus, the discussions still get laced with emotions appropriate to the situation and to the characters, so it's not just dry words.
Some people might complain that having the characters talk for a long time is boring, and that you should show, not tell. I disagree! Sometimes, if the things that the characters are talking about are fascinating enough (and if the dialogue is written well enough), then a lot of talking is fine, and can even be one of the best parts of a story! And I like these discussions. They really go deep into the characters and the ideas in this story, and they're nice and thought-provoking. In any case, how could any author talk about the issues in these discussions by showing something? Having the characters talk about them is much easier, and feels more natural.
I'm really looking forward to the next chapter!
3862848 The more you know...
Wow. Just...wow. Rainbow had something for everypony in this chapter.
So the tree does exist in this story.
And...that means what now? That Celestia is a fucking idiot in this universe? Or was she playing them all for fools and fully intended to give Twilight everything back? Because that damn tree has shown that Twilight is very important to whatever the tree wants. Something about her destiny.
I shouldn't like this, and yet I do. Maybe it's because the prequel was so bad that I love what you did to it.
Because Spitfire, her so called friends broke her of mind body and spirit! Do you honestly believe that the Rainbow Dash you knew would still be there after what she was put through. I sure wouldn't!
Truer words have never been spoken.
Thanks for the generous offer Spitfire, but I highly doubt that she's going to accept it after all that's happened.
I mean, nightmare didnt really do that much. luna was only actually nightmare for like, 5 minutes before being sent to the moon. and even than, she only brought the moon up and blasted celestia once
9223936
There are still ambiguous parts. True; the outright fight only lasted a matter of minutes, but how long was the moon in the sky before Celestia realized something needed to be done, now.
Actually we've all seen in an alternate universe plants grow fine I'm the night. The only negative would be the anti Celestia. And the rebellion. Nothing I couldn't handle or have a problem with.