The next morning, Derpy got up, ate breakfast, and started her daily rounds. After she finished, she stopped by Carrot Top's house. "Good morning Derpy!" Carrot Top said, opening the door, "How are you?"
"I have something to discuss with you." Derpy said sternly.
"Alright, as long as you loosen up about it." Carrot Top said.
"OK, but I need to talk to somepony about it." Derpy said.
"You can always talk to me Derpy, come on in!" Derpy walked into Carrot's house and sat down.
"I've decided to do a sonic rainboom." She said, after much hesitation.
"No pony but Rainbow Dash has ever done that!" Carrot exclaimed.
"I know, that's why I'm gonna do one. I'm gonna show Rainbow who's boss! She can't go around acting like she's better than the rest of us! We are people, too!"
"I am getting tired of Rainbow, too. I like your plan. I just hope you don't hurt yourself." Carrot said, concerned for Derpy.
"Well, bye!"
"Bye Derpy!" Derpy left, anxious to train. When she got home, she threw off her saddle bag and went right outside. She began doing push-ups with her wings and other exercises. She trained vigorously for hours on end, until she finally felt stronger. She went to Twilight Sparkle's house to see if she could measure her wing power. When Derpy knocked, Twilight opened the door, "Well, hel-"
"Can I use your machine to measure my wing power?" Derpy cut Twilight off.
"OK, just slow down a bit," Twilight said, going into her closet to get her machine.
"Being slow won't help me go faster silly."
"Why do you need to go faster, to deliver mail better?"
"No, I'm gonna do a sonic rain boom!"
Clang! The machine made a startling sound as it hit the floor. Twilight stared open mouthed at Derpy. "H-how are you going to do that?" She stuttered.
"I'm gonna train hard!"
"Well I respect your perseverance Derpy, but that is far to dangerous and the only reason Rainbow Dash could was that her friend's life was on the line."
"I don't care! I'm tired of her bragging! I'm gonna join the wonder bolts too!"
"Big words, Derpy. Now back to what you came here for. Your wing power."
"Alright!" They went outside and Twilight set up. Derpy went back far and got ready.
"Ready when you are!" Called Twilight. Here it is, Derpy thought, The moment of truth. Derpy zoomed by the machine.
"Wow! you got a..." To be continued.
YAY!!! You made a story about ME!!!:
A bit bland of a story, your first chapters don't leave the best impression.
One BIG thing you should fix is grammar errors in your short and long descriptions, this will stop a lot of people from even viewing your story. The troll face in the second chapter is irrelevant to the story and should be removed, it's a cliffhanger not a troll move there, so its appearance isn't justified.
Also, as I'm doing here, space out your paragraphs, your amount of space isn't confined like it would be in the pages of a book and that will make it easier to read.
Onto the story, it's... meh. I'd like to see conflict beyond what's been presented because it's looking quite straightforward so far. It's only beginning and under 2k words so I can't say too much.
As for your tags, it's not too funny beyond its concept, a story can be light and humorous but that doesn't make it a Comedy. The Random tag is when your events make little logical sense, sort of like things Discord might do, here things sort of make sense so far, albeit the characters seem off to me but everypony writes them in their own way . Adventure may yet happen, but know that it'll mean Derpy's quest will have to affect more than just a few ponies and possibly be saving lives. So far we've got a lighthearted Slice of Life going on.
I could be wrong about a few things but it seemed like you wanted some feedback and that's all I found in the moment, I do like to help and hope your writing improves I just hope I wasn't too long-winded here.
Awwww I was liking it :(
3260291get a pic of derpy then you can talk like that
Just a quick note. In your synopsis you have a grammatical error:
"Word spreads to many pony's ears, including rainbow dash's."
Change that to:
"Word spreads to many ponies' ears, including Rainbow Dash's."
we are ponies you mean people implies human
also if you want advice remember that pacing and transition comment I made last chapter........
I don't like this ending....