Buttons mom's alarm goes off, she hits the snooze button and looks at the clock. 6:30 am. Time to get Button up for his first day of school. She tiredly gets out of bed and walks down the hall. As she approaches Buttons room she can hear noises that sound like some sort of sound effects from a game or TV show.
"Did he leave his TV on last night," she wondered "his father won't be happy when he gets the electrical bill if he did," she thought to her self. She pushes her son's door open
"Button it's time to get up for schoo-" Button is in front of his TV playing a video game it's obvious he didn't go to sleep at all the night before. "BUTTON" she yelled in angry suppries, even though she really shouldn't have been suppriesd when has that colt ever gone to bed on time. Button reacted with suppries as he was jerked out of his partially conscious video game induced trance
"GAAAA" his hands shot up as if he where surrendering the controller was launched in the air and came crashing down back on his head bringing him the rest of the way out of his video game induced half awake trance.
"Wa...wa..what's going on," Button frantically asked confused by his sudden reenterence into the physical world
"BUTTON ITS THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL DID YOU SLEEP AT ALL LAST NIGHT?" His mom asked still enraged by her son's irresponsible behavior
"uuhh....well...define sleep" Button answered tiredly. Button's mom face hoofed
"uuugghh Just get ready for school dear" Button groaned in protest but a stiff look from his mother silenced him.
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Button sits in his seat in class waiting for class to start. he is playing a game on his joy boy and is quite engrossed in it. But he suddenly has his attention jerked away from saveing the village of gombi from the cohorts by a fillly's voice. He looks up at the entrance to the class room and notices three filllys walk through the door. He knows who they are. They are Scootaloo, Apple bloom, and Sweetie Belle, they go around town doing various activities in the hopes that doing so will get them their cutie marks and call them selves the cutie mark crusaders. But today he notices something different about Sweetie Belle. she looks the same as she always has. She is exactly as she was last year in pretty much every way but something is different about her something that he both noticed but was unable to single out as an answer.
"Okay my little ponys. Every pony find your seats" Ms.Cheerily's voice rang out braking Buttons concentration, he suddenly noticed that the room was now full of filllys and colts. All of whom now made there way to the desk nearest to them, which for Sweetie Belle was right next to Button.
Sweetie Belle sat down in her seat and decided to see who would be sitting next to her. She looked to her left and saw Scootaloo and beyond her Apple Bloom, she looked to her right and stopped. She saw Button Mash sitting in his seat directly next to her and for reasons she could not explain her heart began to race.
"Sweetie Belle... Hey Sweetie Belle. PSST Sweetie Belle" Scootaloo elbows Sweetie Belle back into reality
"huh..what?" Sweetie Belle askes supprised by the sudden jolt of reality that all at once came over her like a title wave as a result of her friends actions.
"What are you looking at?" Scootaloo asked
"ummm nothing. uh the window." She answered in a jumpie uncertain manor.
"What window?" Scootaloo asked compleatly perplexed by her friends impossible answer. Sweetie Belle looked at the wall beyond Buttons perfectly shaped head and amazing looking Bacon mane and noticed there was no window only a poster that read "math is fun"
"umm I meant uh...just forget about it" she stammered, sounding rather annoyed at her friend's constant questioning. Scootaloo was about to press the issue but was cut off
"GIRLS DO I NEED TO SEPARATE YOU?" Ms Cheerily asked annoyed at Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle's over all lack of attentiveness
"no mam," the pair responded
"good, then pay attention" Ms Cheeralie said and continued her lesson. Sweetie Belle's mind again returned to thoughts about Button and his perfect boyish looks. Scootaloo and Apple Bloom looked at each other and shrugged.
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He still wouldn't get the "OC" label here because he's now a background pony. Lucky is an example of such.
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a quick glance from an editor or another person would certainly do this chapter really good in terms of grammar and other errors..
the pacing is ok i think, but you should do something to seperate scenes visibly (like a bigger paragraph or some lines between scenes)
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^ like this
and practically every instance of their is spelled there, their refers to a belonging (their pencils), whereas there refers to a Location (over there is a statue)..
1.bp.blogspot.com/-Rs_JNgxwD1g/USzglHTBwKI/AAAAAAAADRw/_sC_oF3SYwM/s320/there-their-homophones.JPG
this is usually a reason for me to stop reading a story on the spot!
i'm willing to give this story a try and, if you so desire, could offer my help as a proofreader (though I have to admit I may not be the best for the job, but letting someone at all read the story before posting it will probably improve it in terms of readability)
Math isnt fun!!! Its a form of sadistic mental torture!!! Slowly driving one insane by taking away nights of sleep from the stress of wanting a better future!!! Or atleast thats how I experienced it.
I like the concept, but I would highly suggest getting an editor.
Sweetie Belle seems to be something of a retconned pony. From what I got in the series, she lives with her parents, wherever they live and is only ever in Ponyville when they foist her off on Rarity when they're off doing something for themselves. Somewhere along the line, she's become a permanent resident. Maybe Rarity finally snapped and sued for custody on the grounds of abandonment?
COMAS!!! For Luna's sake, USE COMMAS!!!!!!! If you need an editor, I'll do it for free just so that this isn't such a PAIN to READ!!!!!!!!
GRAMMAR ES BAAD MAANS AEND DAH SPELIYING UIS BYAD TUU!
Get an editor or I will a breaka yo face.
Sorry bud, as much as I LOVE this ship, you need commas, apostrophes, and character and ship development. He just notices something different with no explanation? If you want this story to be liked, then get an editor and re-write a section of this chapter. Good day, and the best of luck!
4121127 Excuse me! I mean, the writer does have some hitches (though it's very good), you don't have the right to tell her that her grammar and spelling is bad because look at your own comment. Next time, please proof-read your comments.
I absolutely love this