Ehh, I don't like the tired cliche of Lyra being a human fanatic, but besides that, this chapter was decent. This is where it gets hard, and where you start to prove whether or not this will be a bad or good HiE.
Good then. Like I said, this is when it starts getting hard. It's going to be interesting if you have a fresh, original plot, and you don't use too many cliches. That's what will separate this from bad HiE. That, and just good writing, in general.
“The princess said that she might have found a new sentient species, but she’s having trouble communicating with it. Also, she says there’s quite a few bits in it for me if I succeed.”
Should be sapient. Sentient means that it can perceive or feel things. Sapient means that it is wise. That's why we are Homo Sapian, meaning Wise Man.
3152778 *clapclap* So few know this! I actually got into an argument with someone over Skype over this. He went to go look them both up to 'school' me in the error of my ways. ...he sat dead silent for 20 minutes trying to rectify what the dictionary said with what he 'knew'. XD
Hey buddy, little issue here. You might want to change the nurses in the scene where Gaius freaks out to security guards. I used to work in my city's EMS system, and I never saw a nurse approach a combative patient. They injected sedatives once the patient was subdued and restrained by security. It was the only thing that stood out to me this chapter, and it's so minor as to be inconsequential, but I thought I'd mention it.
3158317 No offense, but I think I'm just gonna keep it the way it is. The reason being is I already have to overhaul chapter one at some point and I need to start working on chapter three as well. I suppose one could surmise that ponies do have security guards, since they had one in Read it and Weep. But, like I said I probably won't change it.
“That’s fine dear. Equestrian medical care is paid for through taxes.
Having lived there her entire life, wouldn't AB already know this? Well, okay, maybe she thinks it's free, but my point still stands - why would she think she needed to pay for it?
Thing I've noticed through several HiE stories is that most writers agree that Equestria has a nationalized healthcare, not overly important, I just find it funny.
Ehh, I don't like the tired cliche of Lyra being a human fanatic, but besides that, this chapter was decent. This is where it gets hard, and where you start to prove whether or not this will be a bad or good HiE.
3152696 I'm pegging her to be more of a fan of mythical creatures, rather than just humans specifically.
Little did little Lyra know, it was indeed a human awaiting her.
3152712
Good then. Like I said, this is when it starts getting hard. It's going to be interesting if you have a fresh, original plot, and you don't use too many cliches. That's what will separate this from bad HiE. That, and just good writing, in general.
Should be sapient. Sentient means that it can perceive or feel things. Sapient means that it is wise. That's why we are Homo Sapian, meaning Wise Man.
3152778 Ah ok, I'll fix that thanks![:twilightsmile:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/twilightsmile.png)
You, do more now. Or I cut you.
3152778 *clapclap* So few know this! I actually got into an argument with someone over Skype over this. He went to go look them both up to 'school' me in the error of my ways. ...he sat dead silent for 20 minutes trying to rectify what the dictionary said with what he 'knew'. XD
3154102
Some people.
3156211 Eeyup. He's doing much better now, though. :D
3156365
That's always a good thing. I must go now, Deadpool a waits!
Hey buddy, little issue here. You might want to change the nurses in the scene where Gaius freaks out to security guards. I used to work in my city's EMS system, and I never saw a nurse approach a combative patient. They injected sedatives once the patient was subdued and restrained by security. It was the only thing that stood out to me this chapter, and it's so minor as to be inconsequential, but I thought I'd mention it.
3158317 No offense, but I think I'm just gonna keep it the way it is. The reason being is I already have to overhaul chapter one at some point and I need to start working on chapter three as well. I suppose one could surmise that ponies do have security guards, since they had one in Read it and Weep. But, like I said I probably won't change it.
I finally have a good use for my Latin dictionary! HOORAY!![:yay:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/yay.png)
Congrats with using the older forms of things in this. Also, I knew Lyra was going to get involved. You are definitely not a Graecas.
SPQR: Senātus Populusque Rōmānus or "The Senate and People of Rome"
A guy with a sword and Roman era armor, just like the royal guards, who had the nerve to ride a timberwolf. Yea, not violent at all.
Not bad. One minor issue, however -
Having lived there her entire life, wouldn't AB already know this? Well, okay, maybe she thinks it's free, but my point still stands - why would she think she needed to pay for it?
Thing I've noticed through several HiE stories is that most writers agree that Equestria has a nationalized healthcare, not overly important, I just find it funny.