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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Hope she get's what's coming to her. Good fic so far.
3052125
Thanks! I'm glad you like the idea of it!
I found a ninja typo.
I lifted the can to my horn, closing my eyes and concentrating hard on condensing the fire spell in knew into the bottom of it. After a few moments, the beans started to boil and I released the spell. A soft whump was all the preceded the towel I had forgotten was on my head catching fire, making me quickly hoof it to the floor and stomp it out.
I think there is a rogue 'n' there.
"No, you misunderstand." He shook his head lightly. "There is no physical copy. She has the information memorized and under no circumstances can you kill allow her to die."
She has the information memorized and under no circumstances can you kill or allow her to die. That sounds better.
I sat in my room and read over the contract. This one was going to be a whole hell of alot tougher than any other I've had to do. I can't skimp out on any details before heading out, meaning I need to know her name, her friends and family, why she flead, and where she was likely to go. Pretty much everything I hate to pay attention to on a normal job.
First, alot is bad. A lot isn't. It's a grammar thing. There is the word allot, but you didn't mean that. And, I profess I have used alot in writing. It's insidious to be sure.
Second, flead isn't right. You mean fled.
I do apologize for nitpicking. But, it is to help to make your writing better.
Honestly, it is an awesome start.
3061481
Thank you for pointing those out! I've fixed them all, and I hope you will continue reading when I put out the second chapter!
3118217
I'm glad you like her as I didn't want to write another Merchants of Hope. As per why I set it in it's current time frame, I don't want to put a fic in that section of the wasteland until PH and Heroes finish their fics, as I draw a lot from those as if they were canon to Fo:E. It would just screw with my own creative process if I had to write around a way I didn't accept as my own headcanon.
And the whole meeting LP and trying to stop her exists already: Fo:E - Anywhere but Here. If you haven't read it already, it's a fun story!
And lastly, on the sticking you in the notes: You and Deathpony are the only reliable feedback I've got so far, So I have to thank you two somehow! Not to mention, it's going to be winter soon! How else am I supposed to find you in the mountains and snow without some color to your cheeks?!
One of the best beginnings of an FoE I've read in a while.
Also the first FoE I've read in a while.
*reads first chapter* hmm, a ruthless, no-nonsense protagonist? Having been reading Heroes, I'm rather interested. I also appreciate the introduction with the back story of the War. It feels more like its own story that way.
Oh yeah:
'Laying' should be 'lying'. Laying in that sentence's context would mean the ponies are putting something down other than themselves. Lying in that same context would mean they're laying themselves down.
Hey Gamma! I just finished The Long Winter and now I'm starting this! Looks good but Percussion Cap, why did you become so ruthless? She was so happy as a filly at the end of TLW. What happened?
Also,
DAMMIT PRESTON!!!