Ponyloid-ism

by Syringed

Part 1-2: This is Miku, and WELCOME TO JACKASS (Edited)

Ponyloid-ism

By: Syringed

---

To anyone who just happened to be walking by Sweet Apple Acres, they may have seen the rather odd sight of a small struggling yellow filly dragging a bawling white unicorn by the tail.

Meanwhile, Applebloom was starting to really get irritated at the strange unicorn’s high pitched sobbing. With an agitated sigh, she dropped her long teal tail and looked towards the farmhouse. Judging from the fact that the farmhouse looked about the size of her hoof, it looked about two acres away.

Two bucking acres away. God dammit.

Applebloom groaned, and stared back at the sniffling pony. Said pony was now curled into the fetal position, rocking back and forth.

Applebloom could now actually take a good look at the unicorn without her thrashing about like a dumb drunkard. She was white, as white as cocaine. Atop her head was a blanket of teal hair, tied into two ankle-long pigtails by a pair of square shaped hair bands. Oddly enough, the hairbands looked at though they did not even touch the mare's mane.

Applebloom wondered how the hairbands could hold the hair in place, without even touching the hair itself. Maybe they were made out of metal, and there were magnets in her hair. Or maybe it was some whack-ass magical thing that the Amaricans invented.

Back to the sniffling unicorn, she had strange black sleeves with one giant rectangle screen installed on each one. As of now, they were blank, but Applebloom made a few guesses on what these screens were used for.

“Maybe Ah can watch movies on them! Ah could go around giving people a show for a small fee!” Applebloom gushed as she was completely oblivious to the obvious innuendo that had just left her mouth.

Lastly, on the unicorn’s flank, was two numbers: 0 and 1, sitting side by side. The two numbers meant absolutely nothing to Applebloom, then again, it wasn’t her cutie mark, and one couldn’t really understand what another’s cutie mark meant without them telling.

After a full examination of the unicorn, Applebloom deducted that this unicorn was not from around these parts.

---

Meanwhile, high above the clouds, Black Jesus was watching the amusing scene playing before him on his 110” plasma TV. The obviousness of Applebloom’s statement made him want to palm his face.

“No really!? The fact that she was speaking in another language didn’t give it away you dumb bitch!?” He yelled, throwing his holy popcorn into the holy air.

---

Ahem.

Anywho, Applebloom noticed that the unicorn had stopped sniffling. She looked closer, and noticed that the unicorn’s sobbing heaves stopped and was replaced with a slow steady breathing. Her eyes were closed, and there was a rather adorable look of peacefulness on her face.

Miku had fallen asleep, completely spent from throwing a tantrum.

“At least she won’t be thrashing about this time…”

---

The final two acres to the Apples’ house was the longest two acres Applebloom ever traveled, thanks to the unicorn currently sleeping on the floor of the kitchen.

Whoever she was, she was pretty heavy for someone her size. Perhaps she was one of those body builders who spent all their time taking drugs and downing revolting protein drinks. Or maybe she was just fat and didn’t show it.

Here's another valid idea. Applebloom does not lift.

When Applebloom brought the sleeping unicorn into the house, reactions to Miku by the Apples were mixed.

Applebloom's older sister, Applejack didn’t exactly react well to the newcomer. She kept ranting on about bringing complete strangers into her house and stomped upstairs yelling about how they’ll drink all her ‘special apple jack’.

On the other hoof, her big brother, Big Mac was a lot more accommodating for their guest. In fact, he moved his entire breakfast, containing hay waffles, hay pancakes, several bananas and half a gallon of apple juice, to the living room for Miku to sleep on. On the downside he had to endure the senile Granny Smith watching him like a hawk.

Or it was because he found Miku really hot, and as a single and rather horny stallion, was desperate for female companionship.

Whatever it was, Applebloom did have a feeling that it was the latter, because as they were lifting Miku onto the dining table, Big Mac had a glazed look on his face, and a drop of drool fell from his mouth.

Meanwhile…

---

“Ship it! Ship it! Ship it!” Black Jesus chanted as he made another batch of holy popcorn.

---

Currently, Applebloom was sitting at the dining table, watching and waiting for Miku to wake up, eager to find out who this strange pony was.

Not creepy at all.

She sat there.

And sat there.

Applebloom leaned on the table, holding her head up with her right hoof.

A sudden dry feeling passed through her mouth. She stood up, and walked to the sink.

She came back with her thirst quenched and sat back down.

“Oh c’mon!!” She yelled out, her short patience finally running out. Alas, she was unaware that she was sitting right next to the sleeping unicorn’s ear.

“YAHHHHHHHH!!” Miku screamed as she felt her right eardrum being shattered by the yells of the child. She rolled over, grabbing her ear in pain. She kept rolling, like a barrel, and hit the edge of the table.

She stopped there, still unaware that she was teetering on the edge.

She reached her hoof out, and brought it down to vent her pain. Instead of hitting a surface, it passed through the area where Miku had anticipated the tabletop to be.

The movement upset the delicate balance between Miku and a painful fall to the gound.

With a yelp, she went over the edge.

The impact wasn’t the most subtle, as it sent Applejack running down the stairs, yelling “What happened?!” and “Are you alright Applebloom?!” and expecting to find a pained Applebloom.

Instead, she came greeted with the sight of Miku laying on the ground, whimpering, and Applebloom standing nearby, rubbing the back of her mane.

“I…tai….” Miku whimpered, tears forming at the corner of her tightly shut eyes.

---

The language barrier is a bitch.

That was the conclusion that Applebloom and Applejack came to after attempting to communicate with the blabbering unicorn.

“Nan domo kuri kaeshi onajiko to woitt! Naze rikai suruko tohade kima senka?!” Miku yelled, agitated by the fact that these ponies obviously did not understand what she was saying.

“Ah’m sorry, but Ah can’t speak with yah if Ah can’t understand what in Equestria ya are sayin’!” Applejack yelled right back, agitated by the fact that this unicorn would not shut up.

The two went back and forth, yelling louder and louder each rebound.

Soon, their yelling escalated to the point where could be heard by residents of outer Ponyville.

Applebloom had long since taken shelter in her room. She had shoved earplugs into her ears and burrowed herself into her bed sheets, pillows, and blankets.

Downstairs, the vocal war continued.

“Shatto da un shite sudeni anata no oroka na amerika no inaka de hanashi taito omoi masu!”

“Quit yah oriental crap and shut up before Ah throw you out yah bitch!”

Meanwhile, old senile Granny Smith sat in front of the TV, completely oblivious to the vocal war going on one room over. Big Mac, on the other hand, was peeking into the kitchen, hoof on his little dicklet.

It escalated to the point where Applejack was this close to throttling Miku, and Miku was ready to give the other mare a good beating with her leeks. Before all hell could break loose however, there was a energetic sounding knock on the door.

Applejack looked away for a brief moment, staring at the back door. She then turned back to the unicorn who was ready to spew out another flurry of Japanese insults.

“We will finish this later.” She snarled darkly.

“Anata no mesuinu…” Miku spat. She curling her hoof in and attempted to raise her middle finger. Nothing happened.

She looked at her hoof, and could not find the middle finger that she very desperately needed.

Blasted equine appendages.

Applejack put her hoof on the door, and twisted the door knob. The instance the door was unlatched, the door swung open with the velocity of Babe Ruth swinging his baseball bat.

The door hit the wall with a loud smash. Several hundred ponies came pouring into the Apple’s dining room, the group being led by a pink pony hopping around like she was high on crack.

Watch out guys, Pinkie Pie is here.

The group surrounded the confused Miku, an excited looks plastered on each of the ponies' faces. From the middle of the crown, Pinkie Pie jumped out and broke into song.

“Welcome, welcome, welcome!” The retarded pink horse sang. “A fine welcome to you!”

As Pinkie danced around the confused white unicorn singing improvised crap, Applejack pushed the door out of her face, ever so slowly. She then pushed herself out of the pony-sized dent in the wall and fell to the floor in a heap, her brown Stetson floating down and landing on her head.

“A-Ah’m okay…” whimpered Applejack. She was unaware that everyone else was too busy throwing a screaming Miku into the air to notice her pain.

Forever alone.

“…welcome to Ponyville today!!” Pinkie Pie let the last note fade out, before throwing her top hat and cane into the air. Where did she get those anyways?

Somehow, the top hat just so happened to land on Miku’s head on its way down.

Down on the ground, Pinkie Pie bowed, and subtly clicked a small button in her right hoof.

Several microwaves and pipes rose out of the crowd. A ding sounded, and cake shot out of the pipes and fireworks flew out of the microwaves.

As cake rained down from the heavens and fireworks flew around, pelting ponies and jabbing a few in the eye, the group scattered, letting Miku fall face-first onto the floor from the ceiling. It was complete and utter chaos, so chaotic that even Discord was jealous of the chaotic nature of the event.

While the ponies ran around trying to find cover, the freaked out and slightly pained Miku took this moment to bolt out of the house, fueled by pure adrenaline and self-induced GTFO.

She sprinted, running out of the open back door, and out into the bright sunlight.

Of course, she wasn't exactly accustomed to running on four legs. She stumbled every so often, but barely recovering every time.

She tripped over her own hooves after about 30 seconds of running and face-planted into the soft dirt, Pinkie’s top hat landing a few inches from her.

She lay there, sobbing quietly at her own pathetic performance. She had a few moments of peace, just to think about the situation she had so pitifully gotten herself in. Then she felt the ground rumbling beneath her.

With a confused look on her face, she turned around. She was met with the horrifying sight of the group that had welcomed/scared the living crap out of her galloping straight towards her, each screaming about getting the flip outta dodge.

A tear fell out of Miku's left eye, and she braced herself for a world of pain.

Author's Note:

Feedback plox.

Comments

[Syringed]

I have the first three chapters pre-written. I shall be posting them once a day until I run out of pre-written chapters.

[solarchaser0728]

i love this. i have no words on how great it is

[Smokey Majenta]

Freaking funny as....I don't know. Something funny.
....

[onsholo]

Poor Miku :P