Twilight had a younger brother that went missing 17 years ago after she moved in with Celestia. Now 7 years after she met her friends and brought back Princess Luna she's gonna get one big surprise.
1. "Glad Ihr Zuhause." You wouldn't say that in german. "Willkommen zurück." (Wellcome back.) Sounds better. 2. Lightning Dust would call Pinkie Süße. Never heard anyone call his girl/woman "Scharfe". (More like: Die Frau ist scharf! - That woman is hot!) 3. Dark Star would be called a Hengst (male horse).
But apart from those little missteps I realy like this story.
"Im here on orders Dash! Next time think before you attack a pony." Lightning Dust said as she removed the dagger from Rainbows throat and got off her glaring at her.'
O.K. bub, several issues here. First off, you give absolutely no description of what's happening in this scene. Lightning pulls a dagger on Dash, Dash attacks Lightning for no apparent reason (before later saying that the Wonderbolts hate it when their trainees start fights, which is EXACTLY what Dash did), then on top of that, instead of using words to try to persuade Octavia, he hauls off and slaps her with magic? SERIOUSLY? Domestic violence is WAY too dominant to be anything but personal experience here, seek some major mental help, and for GOD'S sake learn some grammar and learn how to spell!
4724179 I can't speak for the scene between Dash and Dust, but Octavia went way out of line with nearly calling Pinkie a 'tail-lifter'. Words don't always work, you know.
"AJ Im gonna come right out with it and ask. If I talk to Pinkie and Lightning about it would you do me the honor of being a part of my herd?" He asked as she went wide eyed before slamming her lips into his moaning as he ran his hooves down her sides as she pulled back with a happy smile.
Noooo. Come'on man. As much as I don't like herds, I will read stories with them but this is a bit much. It's bad enough he has a 2 pony herd but at least with those two he's been with Pinkie for awhile and him and Lightning have already been together before, plus it was Pinkie's idea, but him suddenly deciding to add yet another pony to his herd, as soon as he gets back, before he's even gotten used to the idea of a herd is a bit much. He said it himself, he was unsure of having a herd and wouldn't attempt it without Pinkie's permission, yet as soon as she gives it to him he's adding more ponies to it before he even has a chance to get used to the idea of it. I'm sorry but if that's how you're going to do the rest of it I'm just going to stop reading here. I like the story itself, I think the plot idea is great, but I have trouble reading herd stories and when they end up like this I can't get interested in the story, when you start adding a bunch of ponies to the herd like that it makes it seem like you're trying to hard to have a reason to put the 'Romance' Tag in this story. Just thought I'd give you the reason I've stopped reading here, I don't plan on liking or disliking it just because of this though, so don't worry about that. Here is something to make you feel nice: theglavo.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/True-Love-Quotes-And-Pics-3.jpg
4724179 There are many plot holes in this story, and just exclaiming and uttering about one is very... surprising. Other than that, you are just being an overly sensitive person about Octavia. (Sure, I kinda like Octavia as a character, but not in this story.) Domestic violence is when one has done something abusive to a family member without any sane reason or with lack of equal reason (ex. A man angry about his job and lashes out to his child/wife or A woman piss-drunk and kept on beating her husband or child-- yes that can happen). Well, unless you meant "Assault" of course. But, if we base your logic to a situation, I think a woman slapping another woman in the highschool hallway because the girl called her friend a whore is a domestic abuse, yeah? Of Course! Clearly it is so, am I right? Or... OR... maybe when a man lashes out on another man because the other one had called the man's sister a slut, then it can be domestic abuse! How could I have been so blind for all of my life! Thank you, fellow stranger! I shouldn't have known! And, here's a very good tip for you: "Don't be such an ass if you don't want another person to be an ass for you." and "If you want good grammar and be a butthurt when it's not, and try and avoid it as much as possible. Correct it in the nicest way possible instead of saying that it's bad. Remember, don't laugh at the blind man and tell them that they chose the wrong knife to eat. Tap the person and give help."
ooh la la.
Words can not describe Dark's situation right now.
I also have one hell of a grin on my face
3080190 sorry to hear that
This is weird becouse I have a brother that ran away and hes Mormon.
lucky bastard
He's taking all the mares....
The hell? he wasnt even gonna know about lightning until the night how does he know pinkie wants a herd since he hasn't seen her since he came back?
3857526 earlier in the chapter, it mentioned that he got a letter. He knew about Lightning, he just didn't know about the surprise buttsecks!
Ok just some things I would change:
1. "Glad Ihr Zuhause." You wouldn't say that in german. "Willkommen zurück." (Wellcome back.) Sounds better.
2. Lightning Dust would call Pinkie Süße. Never heard anyone call his girl/woman "Scharfe". (More like: Die Frau ist scharf! - That woman is hot!)
3. Dark Star would be called a Hengst (male horse).
But apart from those little missteps I realy like this story.
"Well come on then! I want to get over to-OOF!"
"What are you doing here Lightning Du-whaaa!"
"Im here on orders Dash! Next time think before you attack a pony." Lightning Dust said as she removed the dagger from Rainbows throat and got off her glaring at her.'
O.K. bub, several issues here. First off, you give absolutely no description of what's happening in this scene. Lightning pulls a dagger on Dash, Dash attacks Lightning for no apparent reason (before later saying that the Wonderbolts hate it when their trainees start fights, which is EXACTLY what Dash did), then on top of that, instead of using words to try to persuade Octavia, he hauls off and slaps her with magic? SERIOUSLY? Domestic violence is WAY too dominant to be anything but personal experience here, seek some major mental help, and for GOD'S sake learn some grammar and learn how to spell!
4724179 I can't speak for the scene between Dash and Dust, but Octavia went way out of line with nearly calling Pinkie a 'tail-lifter'. Words don't always work, you know.
Noooo. Come'on man. As much as I don't like herds, I will read stories with them but this is a bit much. It's bad enough he has a 2 pony herd but at least with those two he's been with Pinkie for awhile and him and Lightning have already been together before, plus it was Pinkie's idea, but him suddenly deciding to add yet another pony to his herd, as soon as he gets back, before he's even gotten used to the idea of a herd is a bit much. He said it himself, he was unsure of having a herd and wouldn't attempt it without Pinkie's permission, yet as soon as she gives it to him he's adding more ponies to it before he even has a chance to get used to the idea of it. I'm sorry but if that's how you're going to do the rest of it I'm just going to stop reading here. I like the story itself, I think the plot idea is great, but I have trouble reading herd stories and when they end up like this I can't get interested in the story, when you start adding a bunch of ponies to the herd like that it makes it seem like you're trying to hard to have a reason to put the 'Romance' Tag in this story.
Just thought I'd give you the reason I've stopped reading here, I don't plan on liking or disliking it just because of this though, so don't worry about that.
Here is something to make you feel nice:
theglavo.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/True-Love-Quotes-And-Pics-3.jpg
Here is something to make you happy:
images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/29600000/Luna-walking-on-Sunshine-my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-29636248-767-448.png
4724179
There are many plot holes in this story, and just exclaiming and uttering about one is very... surprising. Other than that, you are just being an overly sensitive person about Octavia. (Sure, I kinda like Octavia as a character, but not in this story.) Domestic violence is when one has done something abusive to a family member without any sane reason or with lack of equal reason (ex. A man angry about his job and lashes out to his child/wife or A woman piss-drunk and kept on beating her husband or child-- yes that can happen). Well, unless you meant "Assault" of course.
But, if we base your logic to a situation, I think a woman slapping another woman in the highschool hallway because the girl called her friend a whore is a domestic abuse, yeah? Of Course! Clearly it is so, am I right? Or... OR... maybe when a man lashes out on another man because the other one had called the man's sister a slut, then it can be domestic abuse! How could I have been so blind for all of my life! Thank you, fellow stranger! I shouldn't have known!
And, here's a very good tip for you:
"Don't be such an ass if you don't want another person to be an ass for you."
and
"If you want good grammar and be a butthurt when it's not, and try and avoid it as much as possible. Correct it in the nicest way possible instead of saying that it's bad. Remember, don't laugh at the blind man and tell them that they chose the wrong knife to eat. Tap the person and give help."
Ah there’s nothing like a horde day’s work and coming home to your sexy mares in skimpy outfits