Sweet, Solemn, Sad

by Shingo

Foundation

Pinkie stood in front of a chalkboard at the back of Sugar Cube Corner with a stern yet loving expression on her face. She was wearing a white dress shirt with a black sweater vest over it. A pair of dark rimmed glasses sat over her eyes and her ordinarily wild mane was tied back in a ponytail. Pinkie tapped on a small podium in front of her, looking at the small audience she had. Sitting at three tiny desks a few feet away from the podium were two foals, one dark yellow and a unicorn and one beige and a pegasus, and a baby alligator. The foals were giggling to each other while the alligator stared off into space.

“Alright class, quiet down,” she said. The foals looked straight up at Pinkie. The alligator continued to stare off in space. “Now, before we begin, we have to take attendance.” Pinkie pushed her glasses up as she shuffled through sheets on her podium. “Pumpkin Cake?” The unicorn foal cheered.

“Pound Cake?”

The pegasus foal giggled.

“And finally Gummy.”

As usual, the alligator stared off into space.

“Excellent, we’re all here,” Pinkie continued. “Welcome to your first day of the Pinkie Pie School of Comedy. I’m the founder of our wonderful school, Pinkie Pie. So let’s begin with the obvious question. What is comedy?” Gummy gurgled. “Excellent observation, Gummy! Yes, comedy is subjective. Every culture, every species, and every individual has a different idea of what comedy is. But at the very foundation, comedy is what makes someone laugh. What that is though can vary. However, that’s for a later lesson. We still haven’t answered that question and to do so we must know what tragedy is. Who knows what it is?”

Pumpkin raised her hoof. “Yes, Pumpkin?” Pinkie asked. Pumpkin said a few indecipherable words. “Well, yes, it is the opposite of comedy, but that wasn’t what I was looking for."

“There was a great comedian who perfectly summarized the nature of comedy and tragedy.” Pinkie turned around. She grabbed a piece of chalk and began drawing. “He said: ‘tragedy is when I cut my hoof. Comedy is when you fall in an open sewer and die'.” Pumpkin and Pound gasped. “I know it sounds horrible, but there is a lot we can learn from this.” Pinkie stepped to the side, pointing to drawings she made. On the chalkboard were two crudely drawn four panel comics. In one a pegasus had a bucket of water drop on their head and they were alone. In the second the same happened, only in the last panel there was a group of ponies laughing at them.

“What can you draw from these comics?” she asked. Pound raised his hoof and spoke. Pinkie giggled. “Other than they’re poorly drawn?” Her audience was silent. “Comedy and tragedy is all about perspective.”

Pinkie circled the first comic. “In this one, we see that the pegasus is alone, and therefore him having the water drop on him is a tragedy because it happens to him. It’s individual and selfish.” She tapped her chalk against the second comic. “In this one, the pegasus isn’t alone, and there are others. They’re laughing at him because it didn’t happen to them, and therefore it’s funny. For something to be comedic, one has to be put in a position that lessens or de-normalizes them. I’ll be the first to admit that it’s strange, but that’s how it works. And that brings us to the main lesson for today.” Pinkie flipped her chalkboard over. On the other side was a single word written in bright pink chalk. She hit her hoof against the board.

“Pranks,” she said with a toothy smile. “Pranks fully embody the concept of comedy because the punch line always comes at another’s expense. Whether it’s joy buzzer to the hoof, somepony sitting on a whoopee cushion, or something as complex as a Rube Goldberg machine designed to throw a pie to the face, all of the punch lines involve humiliating a pony in one way or another.” Pumpkin and Pound began whispering to each other. Gummy had inexplicably acquired some paper and a pen, writing down Pinkie’s every word.

“While pranks come at another’s expense and dignity, there is one thing that you should always remember.” Pinkie’s expression darkened. “Never completely humiliate your prankee. Always leave them with dignity. Otherwise, you’ll be a bad pony.” Pumpkin and Pound nodded. Pound silently flew out of his desk while Pumpkin lit up her horn. A translucent version of Pound shimmered into existence where he once sat.

“Always know your prankee,” Pinkie continued, not noticing Pound’s disappearance. “While your prank does humiliate them, make sure that they’ll be able to laugh along with you. It’s always better to have them laughing with you, that way they’ll share your joy. Any questions?” Pumpkin, the image of Pound, and Gummy shook their heads. Pumpkin silently snickered as she saw her brother slowly descend behind Pinkie with a cream pie in his hooves. “Is something funny, Pumpkin?” Said foal shook her head while trying to keep a straight face.

“Good, then class is dismissed.” Pinkie turned around to be met with a pie to the face. Pumpkin pointed her hoof at Pinkie and laughed. Pound dropped the pie tin, joining his sister in laughter. Gummy remained stoic through the affair. Pound fell to the floor clutching his sides as Pumpkin hit her hoof against her desk. Pinkie blinked. She lifted Pound up, gently carrying him to his desk. Pinkie set him down as his and Pumpkin’s laughter was fading away. She glared at them as they wiped their tears away. The twins looked up at her, the colour instantly draining from their faces seeing her expression. They cowered away from Pinkie as she held her gaze.

A beat passed as Pinkie wiped cream away from her face. A wide smile replaced her glare as she began giggling. “Oh, you two are naturals,” she laughed. “I’m sure you’ll make great pranksters one day. High hoof!” Pinkie held her hoof out to the twins. They grinned at her, tapping their hooves against her’s.