Twilight Sparkle Goes to the Dark Side of Science

by Brian Jacko

Applejack Meets The Food and Death Administration

"Stay here sweetie and I'll fetch ya some well water. I heard that they started puttin' chlorine, metals, pharmaceuticals, and other stuff in our tap water. I'll be right back sugar cube." Applejack left the barn and trotted happily over to the well with a metal bucket in her mouth. Suddenly, she dropped the bucket and was horrified at what she saw.

Two government thugs were wearing hazardous protection suits and were dumping some contents of a large metal barrel into her well. On the barrel was a warning sign with the picture of skull and cross bones.

Applejack came bounding over to them, but she didn't get too close, because whatever was inside that barrel was incredibly dangerous. "What in Equestria are ya puttin' into my well water? I didn't give any of ya'll permission to mess with my well water!"

When the workers finished pouring a tiny amount of whatever was inside the barrel into the well, they placed the barrel aside on the ground. Their hazardous suites crumbled loudly as they came over to Applejack. One of the workers spoke up. "We don't need your permission whether or not you want this water treatment. Princess Celestia and Princess Twilight Sparkle have given orders to have all water treated with fluoride. You're paying for all of this through your taxes anyway."

Applejack's mouth almost hit the ground. "Fluoride is not good and causes weakened bones, a lowered IQ, cancer, thyroid dysfunction, anemia, liver disease, heart disease, Down’s syndrome, and other problems. Fluoride is a politically protected, poisonous, industrial waste and people who get the most treatments with this garbage, end up having MORE cavities! I already know all about it. It's nothin' but an industrial waste product and I remember readin' history books about King Sombra puttin' fluoride in the crystal ponies drinking water, in order to dumb them down and make them more passive, so that they wouldn't revolt. Princess Celestia is doin' the same thing! History repeats itself doesn't it?"

The workers became rather upset and said, "That is a different kind of fluoride. The fluoride we are using is approved by Dentists and it is supposed to aid in the prevention of cavities. We are adding this to everyponys water for the health benefits. Of course, if one consumes too much fluoride it could be dangerous, but a healthy amount of fluoride is supposed to be good for your teeth and health."

Applejack slapped her hoof against her cheek in shock. "Ya'll mean to tell me that drinkin' industrial waste in so called healthy amounts, is now bein' promoted. I heard it's been added to toothpaste and pharmaceuticals too! Did ya know that the main ingredient in rat poison is Fluoride? Tell me, why is it that we're not supposed to swallow toothpaste because it has fluoride in it, yet its effects are supposedly harmless if we drink it in the water?! How does that make any sense? If it's so safe and harmless, then why do ya'll need to put on hazardous suits when carryin' that barrel around?"

The two workers looked at each other and then turned back to Applejack. One of them spoke up again. "We already told you that it's dangerous in large amounts, but what we added to the wells and water supply is supposed to be healthy and is supposed to be beneficial for your teeth. It's our job to travel across town and make sure that everypony is getting the required doses of fluoride. We have to wear these suits because we deal with it all day long and we have to be safe."

"Ya'll didn't answer my question! How come we can't swallow toothpaste because it has fluoride in it, yet it's okay if it's in the water to drink?" Applejack asked again.

The two workers turned their backs on her. They picked up the barrel and walked away.

"Where are ya'll goin'? Aren't ya gonna answer my question?" she asked.

Neither of them said a word. They ignored her question and walked off into the distance, carrying the large barrel with them.

Applejack bucked at the well in such anger and walked back to the barn with her head hanging low. She swatted at the metal bucket and it made a loud clanging noise as it scuttled across the ground.

"Applejack, I'm so thirsty. How come ya didn't come back with any water?"

Applejack sighed out loud. "I'm so sorry sugar cube, but the Princesses thugs were here and were puttin' poison in our well water. I'm goin' to have to give ya some tap water fer now, until I can work with the other girls and create some kind of water filter that removes the many toxins that are purposely added to our drinking water. I don't think we can find any pure water anymore, since Princess Celestia has been dumpin' waste and garbage into rivers, lakes, and streams. I heard it's not safe to collect rain water anymore because of the pollution that's been now goin' on. I'll come up with somethin' though. I promise."

Applejack walked back out of the barn, because she forgot that she needed to use that bucket to milk the cows. As she walked outside, she was greeted by two stallions. They were wearing business suits and had sunglasses on their faces.

"Excuse me miss, but are you Applejack?" one of the two stallions asked.

"Uh, Why yes. My name is Applejack and I run this here farm. What can I do for ya?"

"We are from the newly formed organization called the Food and Drug Administration and we will be shutting down your farm if you continue to sell raw milk to ponies. Raw milk is very dangerous for consumption and we have been getting cases of salmonella outbreak from ponies who consume the milk. We also heard you making unapproved claims and saying that your bowl of organic tart cherries can out perform our approved pharmaceutical drugs. We also heard you make statements saying that cayenne pepper, magnesium, and tyrosine can save a ponies life during a heart attack faster and safer than any of the approved drugs for heart health. You are also forbidden to make claims about turmeric and garlic as healing herbs. No cure has ever been approved by the F.D.A. Therefore, it is illegal to make claims about cures."

"WHAT!? Shuttin' down my farm? The Apple family has been sellin' raw milk fer generations! I have never had one case of any of my customers gettin' salmonella from drinkin' my milk. I'm careful with what I practice and I feed my cows healthy organic grass and take good care of em too! My organic tart cherries have been proven to work better than any pharmaceutical out there, when it comes to the treatment of pain! That's a scientific fact! You can't dispute that!"

"But even though that is true, it's not an approved claim," one of the stallions said. "We can have your farm shut down this very instant if you choose not to listen to what we are telling you. You must comply or face the consequences."

"What in tar-nations is goin' on here! Ya'll call yerselves the F.D.A. I think what it really means is the Food and Death Administration! Yer tryin' to put my farm out of business so ya'll can make even more money on yer drugs. Yer job ain't even to protect the ponies. It's to protect the big chemical companies from bein' sued from family members who lost their loved one's from takin' yer drugs and listenin' to yer propaganda. Ya'll like a broken clock. Ya get yer facts right every once in a while. I'll find a way to still sell my raw milk. Instead of advertisin' it to ponies, I'll now advertise for pet consumption only. Ya'll can't get me in trouble fer that!"

"That's fine," the other stallion said. "But if we hear any word about you advertising raw milk and promoting ponies to drink it, we will have your farm shut down immediately and we will put you in jail. The same goes for your unapproved claim about the bowl of cherries and any other unapproved claims that you may be making. Have a good day."

The two stallions quickly walked away from her farm.

Applejack waved her hoof angrily in the air at them. This world was becoming far too corrupt for her to handle.

Comments

[TheLordInsanity]

Why couldn't Applejack just boil the water?

[SimplyFabulous1]

3745469 that's true, how come she didn't think of that?