Equestria 06th MPS

by Cosmic Starwind

Chapter 2: The Betrayal

January 19th Equestrian Century 2079

"Hey guys wait up!" Applebloom shouted, trying to catch up to Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo. The large backpack that she had to carry every day made it very difficult for her to get around. Of course it didn't help that all of her classes assigned her very thick books either.

"Come on guys!" she shouted, feeling her legs about to buckle from all the weight. The two stopped right in their tracks and proceed to wait on the filly that is lagging so far behind.

"Applebloom, we don't have all day! We are going to be late for class!" shouted Scootaloo, waving her to hurry up.

Applebloom could feel the large backpack crushing her back, making it difficult to move. Suddenly, something sparked inside of her. She slowly, but surely began to start standing up raising her backpack.

"I am..."

She jumped straight up in sudden jolt, and took off in a sprint towards Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle.

"Coming!" she screamed.

Before Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle could blink, Applebloom was already past them running towards the school.

"There she goes again," Sweetie Belle chuckled.

"Yeah, although I must say working with her sister has really gave her amazing strength." Scootaloo pointed out.

The two fillies make their way up the large concrete stairs, and the large double doors leading into the the main building of the school. They enter the room and notice Applebloom sitting in the back laying back in her chair with her legs propped up.

"There ya guys are. What took ya?"

The two took their respective spots in the back of the room with Applebloom. Miss Cheerilee took her spot at her desk, tapping her hoof on the chalk board to get the disruptive class under control.

"Now, today class we will be doing algebra!"

The class let out a collective moan in disapproval for the current lesson.

"Gah! Not math!" Scootaloo said, laying her head down on the table.

Applebloom slumped in her chair. "I really hope something exciting happens today."

~~~~

Spike checked himself in the mirror one last time before he made his way to pick up Rarity.Checked his teeth and groomed his scales back as he wanted everything to be perfect. He began posing for himself showing off his toned body and muscles he had developed during his quick growth spurt. He had grown to be about the size of Big Mac in Tosh and surpassed the size of most ponies.

"You are the kind of dragon Rarity dreams of," He made a kissing face when he turned around and seen Twilight standing at the door trying not to laugh.

"T-Twilight! How long have you been there?" He said, with his face turning a bright red.

"Long enough." She giggled. She began brushing down spike all over, making sure he was properly groomed.

"I'm kind of nervous Twilight," Spike said, rubbing the back of his head. Twilight looked up at him, locking in a long passionate hug.

"Spike, everything will be ok. I'm finally happy you two confessed your feelings for each other. You two will make each other very happy."

"Thanks Twilight," The two locked in a hug as Spike proceeded out the door.

Spiked made his journey down the busy street where the hustle and bustle of the city was alive. As he drew closer to the Carousel Boutique he could feel is heart racing as if it was about to jump out from his chest. His mind began to pace with an endless stream of thoughts as he made his way to the door step. His hand shook vigorously as he pressed the doorbell. He could hear someone coming down the stairs, hearing a beautiful angelic voice.

"Coming deary!"

Rarity opened the door, and Spike was completely star struck at the young mare that stood before him. Rarity in a breathtaking white silky dress with patterns of flowers and diamonds, and wearing her favorite tan beret.

"Oh Spiky! I'm glade you can make it! I'm ready to go when you are." Rarity said, as she couldn't contain her excitement as she gets to go out with one of the most adorable dragons around.

"Yup, let's go" The two left and headed towards Rarity's favorite restaurant in town. The walk was unexpectedly quiet as Spike choked on words to make conversation. Rarity could hardly contain her excitement. After all these years she had finally got the one person who meant the most to her. She could feel the butterflies in her tummy as Spike's presence gave her a feeling of warmth and security.

"Oh Spikey! you are taking me to my favorite place!" She was thrilled with excitement.

"Of course. You deserve it and more" he said.

"My, you are the sweetest dragon ever Spikey" She said, trying to hide her blushing face.

~~~~

Sinclair stares down at the table waiting for her captors to come in and interrogate her. The bland, windowless room was eerily quiet as hoof steps could be heard coming down the hall. Her ears perk up as Commander Star Dust entered the room.

He approaches her, rubbing her mane with his soft touch.

"Did everything go smoothly my love?"

She melted at his touch running through her thick mane. "Exactly what you said my sweet."

Star Dust sits down in the chair in front of her with his hooves together.

"The Mobile Pony Suits are now being deployed as we speak. We are getting close to achieving our destiny." He said, with a wicked smile on his face.

"That is fantastic my love! Once the Lunar Empire rules earth we can finally be together," She said.

Star Dust reaches out and holds her hoof. "Of course my dear. We will be together, and have our family like we promised."

Sinclair blushes brightly, giggling like a little school filly.

"I love you Star Dust," She said, leaning in, ready to embrace her lips with his.

A click can be heard as Sinclair looked down with shackles placed around her hooves, and her chair.

"I love you too," He said, with a wicked, devilish grin.

Author's Note:

I am SO sorry it took me so long to get this out! I hope you enjoy it! The next one will be out tomorrow I promise! If you see any errors please let me know so I can fix them. Thanks!

Thanks to Puzzle Piece for helping with errors

Comments

[Cosmic Starwind]

3284208 <3 glade you like it!

[Puzzle Piece]

The only real problem I'm seeing as that you tend to flip from past tense like "ran" and "looked", to present tense like "run" and "looking" from sentence to sentence. Most of a section should be written in either one tense or the other to be consistent.

Other than that, here is my "Small Errors Report":
"the filly that is lacking so far behind" - Did you mean "lagging"?
"to get the disrupt class under control" - "Disruptive"?
"Che checked his teeth" - The "C" seems to have slipped in by accident.
"I'm kind of nervious twilight," - "nervous" doesn't have an "i" and twilight should be capitalized.
"closer to the
Carousel Boutique" - This looks like an unintended paragraph break.
"thoughts racing through his made as he made" - I think that first "made" was supposed to be a "mind" (I've made that mistake too often myself. )
"His hand shaking vigorously as he pressed" - "shaking" should be "shook" so that it agrees with "pressed" in the past tense of the rest of the sentence.
"rarity opened the door" - "rarity" needs to be capitalized.
Spike was completely at the young mare" - A word is missing; completely what?
"Rarity in a white silky dress" - This needs a verb.
"She could fill the butterflies" - "Feel"?
"Of course, You deserve it and more" He said. - Just some capitalization and punctuation here: "Of course. You deserve it and more," he said.

Okay, I seriously have too much fun doing this kind of thing. If I get on your nerves making lots of corrections, just tell me.
Over all, I'm seeing major improvements from the previous chapter to this one. The dialog flows much better and the characters are developing well.
Onward, to the next chapter!