Mind of a Princess

by AppleJared

Coping with the Changes

Hi…. Diary. Should I capitalize that? Since it’s not actually a living thing… that can talk back…

I’m basically talking to myself here. This is starting out just perfect.

First off, I’d like to start this entry by stating that it has been two days since the coronation. I have had those days to think about it, and thought about it I certainly have. Since thinking alone rarely helps me solve problems, I thought I would start Ye Olde Diary/Journal. I’m not sure how to do this, or how most do it. I couldn’t find a book on it, but, here we go.

Word of the day: Scatterbrained. I really can’t think straight ever since the coronation.

More words to recognize: Illogical, confused, depressed, nervous, happy, low.

They go on.

An old mentor of mine used to tell me, “Whenever you must solve a problem, you must find the roots first. Go back to be very beginning and start there.” So I did.

I began my training with magic when I was a small foal. That’s what my life revolved around: magic. I lost sleep over it; I lived for it; I ate, drank, and bled magic. It was nothing less than an obsession, and possibly an addiction to boot. I had no desire for becoming popular or making many friends because neither had anything to do with magic, or so I thought. Every day whisked away while I pushed towards my only life goal: becoming a mage, much like Silver Horn, EverFree, and the ever-famous Star Swirl. Gods, I had posters of that stallion suffocating my room as a foal. That’s lame, right? I don’t care; I still have those posters. He was everything I wanted to be, and more. The spells he made changed the world, and still do today.

I think that’s what I want. I want to change the world, not only in my generation, but in generations to come. I want foals to learn about me and my works in school. I want my great-grandkids to be proud of me and talk about how they are related to me.

I’m getting ahead of myself again. I may never have kids, let alone grandkids. Especially at this rate…

I think that is one thing I am terrified of: having my work go to waste. Sacrificing my entire life for what I believe to be a right cause and have none of it change the world. It is not the fame I am after because honestly, I would rather go without the idolization that Star Swirl had. I just want ponies to benefit from my work. I want to know ponies’ lives are better because of me and my work. I guess I want to help others. The thing is though, I’m not sure it will ever happen; and if it does, at what price do I pay? I’m scared of wasting my life on something, of no one caring about my work… about dying alone.

And while I’m on the subject I can’t seem to grasp the fact that Spike will have to move away in a few years. Maybe less. While there is always room here in Equestria for him now, there won’t when he is a full grown dragon. Not even after a lifetime of ponies getting to know and love him as a small dragon. He knows it, I know it, even Celestia knows it. I feel absolutely awful for him, but I think he’s known for a long time that it will eventually happen. I think he’s accepted it, and maybe even deep inside he wants it. He’s always been angry about how he never knew his real parents and how he never felt like a real dragon in a country of ponies. I know most would be angry at him for feeling that way, especially all of the hard work I put into raising him, but I’m not angry. Probably because I know exactly what it feels like to not fit in with the society you live in. When he leaves, maybe then he will have that spot filled in his heart, right after a spot in mine leaves forever, never to be filled again.

Spike is here and I don’t want him to see me cry so if you could just gimme a minute…

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After what seems like a month of personal magic training (grueling as it may be), the tryouts for magic school came to pass. I was as usually if anything: nervous, excited, and more nervous. It became my turn to tryout after agonizing hours of prepping myself and psyching myself out. I wasted all of my energy being anxious and I was a complete wreck by the time they asked me to hatch the egg. I had trouble at first, then a blur, then I see the Princess in front of me. She was so much taller and more intimidating in real life and close up than you could even imagine as a filly. She asked me if I wanted to be her personal apprentice for magic learning. I was so shocked I couldn’t even answer at first. I turned to see my parents violently shaking their heads “yes” and I screamed yes several times.

I was more than happy to relocate to the Canterlot Castle, not only because it would be closer to Celestia, but because it was farther away from my parents. I was never too close to them growing up. I was never abused in any way, and they always provided for my needs so if you didn’t look too close it seemed like we were a tight knit family. We were not. Mother and Father were both… mediocre ponies. Lame, you might even say. Because they missed out on several opportunities in their lives, they tried to live through their kids; always pushing us towards greatness, not for our sake but for their pride. That’s probably why Shining left so early for the Guard’s Camp. I am grateful they did that in the end but for a while I thought about giving up my studies to just to shame them. Shining was always a good kid and he took care of me when the parents were too harsh. I was always close to him. I shudder to think where I would be without Shining. So yes, that was the real reason I wanted to live at the castle. I always dreamed Celestia to be the mother that helped and guided rather than pushed and forced.

The next few years can be described by learning, studying and experimenting. It took the entirety of my days to do these and I was seemingly happy. Alone, but if I could find a new spell it was for the greater good; singleness was a small price to pay. That’s what I told myself anyways. Puberty came as more of an embarrassing scandal rather than a learning experience. Celestia told me basically everything I needed to know aforehand but it could not prepare me for what was to come going to happen. I’ll spare all the detail but leave you with the fact that I embarrassed myself constantly around a few of the younger guards and made a decision with one that I still regret to this day. Heh, at least we still talk every once in a while.

After that happened I became a true shut-in. I was scared to death that I would make another mistake like that and I refused to let that happen twice. Out of my constant reading however, I became a powerful unicorn wielding spells that some twice my age had yet to master. I grappled teleportation within a month of trying it and soon I was learning how to teleport within a few seconds.

Everything was going ok… until it wasn’t.

Author's Note:

This story is very dynamic and it isn't just a "Mean Girls" diary the whole time. I Pinkie Promise. The adventure tag comes to play soon enough. Let me know of any errors I made and if you would be interested in editing, please let me know as well. I am terrible with grammar and such. CUZ AH'M STUOPID UZ HEILL.
***EDIT***
Thanks to Icarus the Editor, I have posted his edited version instead of what was here before. If you never saw the previous version, this looks a ton better.

Comments

[Tempered Steel]

I like this story. I don't know why it has as many dislikes as it does. A story shouldn't be graded on grammar, just on the whole plot and idea of it. Frankly, the idea was good, writing a first-person perspective diary about Twilight Sparkle after her coronation.
Now, the diary concept is far from new, I've never read one about after her coronation, and that's what pulled me in. Stories like this need more recognition in my opinion. Great job!

[JustAnotherTimeLord]

Well, this is an interesting find. I saw this and thought, "Hey, what the hell. I am bored, and might as well read something." I came in not expecting much, but you have certainly made an impression. I like the idea a lot, and you created an interesting dynamic because of it.

But there are a few things that you need if you are going to let this story take off. Well, really only one thing: an editor. While your grammar is not atrocious, I will point out a few places that you need to fix, pronto:

like we were a tight knight family.

Nice try, but it is "tight knit."

I was as usually if anything:

This sentence makes no sense whatsoever. I have no idea what you are trying to say.

These are just two places that I saw that need immediate attention. The other problem you have is with commas. While I understand they can be tricky, they are not that hard to figure out when you get the hang of them. I wish I could offer my assistance as an editor, but I edit for eight people; I don't have enough time to take on anymore people. I can send your way someone, if you would like. But I cannot personally do anything.

If you go here, you will find the largest editor's group. But my personal choice would actually be this one. I have a friend that is in that group, so I know it fairly well. I can vouch for it being satisfactory.

Joining groups shouldn't be a hard process. It is straightforward. But that is all the help I can give you there. Good luck finding an editor!

I was never too close to them growing up. I was never abused in any way, and they always provided for my needs so if you didn’t look too close it seemed like we were a tight knight family. We were not. Mother and Father were both… mediocre people.

To end this, I would like to say that this is a very interesting idea, but also very insightful; it seems that someone was paying attention to the show. I like this idea a lot, though it seems rather sad that it could be true. But I do like that it is here because it just adds to the personal conflicts that Twilight has, adding to the dynamic you have.

Keep going with this; I can see good things for it. I will try to stay around for this as much as possible.

[AppleJared]

2829212
I really appreciate your comment here. I went and fixed those typos immediately. I also joined the editing group and asked for an editor.
I also appreciate your comment on Twilight's character. It's not really something I picked up on the show, rather, I was an actor in high school. Characterization was one of my solids. It would make sense for someone like her to feel that way.
Once again, thank you. Feel free to come back for further chapters.

[AppleJared]

2828832
I responded to your PM but I thought I'd do the same here as well.
The story has downvotes because of my grammar (most likely). And my, what terrible grammar I have. It doesn't bother me though, mostly because this isn't anything I plan to make a trade out of. I am a musician/producer by trade and that it what I do best in. This is just something to waste time with.
Still, I appreciate constructive criticism of all kinds. I also enjoy the compliments when they come by, so thank you! There is much more of the story already written and it gets better from here.
Here, have an Applejack

[JustAnotherTimeLord]

2829718
It is certainly no problem. It would have been easier if I could have just taken to editing, but as I said, I edit for too many people, and can barely do that. (Note to self: Don't try to see how many people you can edit for before it is too much)

And I will certainly stick around for more chapters. Just keep them coming, and I am sure things will be fine.

[Muffin16]

Mother and Father were both mediocre people.

Ponies

Great story so far!