*Thump thump thump!* Rarity and her friends still heard the sounds of moving furniture as they walked toward the house of her new neighbors.
“Well? What is everypony waiting for? Are we going to knock or what?” Rainbow Dash wondered as she tapped her left hind hoof.
“Honestly Rainbow Dash, don’t rush me. My new neighbor could be the stallion of my dreams.” Rarity swooned as she imagined her perfect prince charming.
“And just how do you know he is actually a he? It could be a nice hard working family that just got tired of the big city.” Applejack questioned as she remembered her time there.
“It could be but we won’t find out until we knock on that door.” Rainbow Dash sighed in annoyance
“Whoever it is, I will bet they like a good party I hear that ponies in Manehattan party all night long.” Pinkie Pie said as she started bouncing up and down excitedly.
“Aren’t you getting a little ahead of yourself Pinkie? Let’s start with introducing ourselves before we talk about parties, have you already forgotten that restraining order the last new resident filed against you?” Twilight reminded Pinkie Pie as she gave her a disapproving look.
”It is his loss; that mean doo doo head doesn’t deserve me as a friend anyway. Mr Meany Mc Meany Pants really needs to improve his attitude.” Pinkie Pie angrily muttered as she stuck her tongue out in contempt.
“Rarity's new neighbor could be some great scholar or scientist and that could mean he or she needs a little quiet every now and then to study. I could just imagine all the discussions we could have, or all the new books I might be able to add to the library.” Twilight speculated.
“Now who is getting ahead of themselves?”Applejack muttered to herself.
“I wonder if this new neighbor is going to have any pets? Angel Bunny could use another good influence.” Fluttershy thought to herself.
Rainbow Dash knocked loudly on the door as her friends were busy with their speculations about the new neighbors. The door soon opened and she and her friends were greeted by a stallion dressed in a tuxedo and a mare in a long flowing dress.
“There they are, oh my it is so nice to meet you my name is Rarity and you must be my new neighbors. These are my friends, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy.” Rarity expressed.
The stallion cleared his throat and just as he was about to introduce himself he was interrupted by a loud crashing sound. As everypony went to investigate they noticed a familiar gray Pegasus stuck inside the mailbox, her hind legs moving frantically as she struggled to get herself free.
“Derpy are you alright?” Rainbow Dash said
“I think I can get her out with my magic, just give me a moment... One two three...” Twilight said as she successfully pulled Derpy out of the mailbox.
“Special delivery for, I can’t seem to read these names but I am pretty sure this is the right address.” Derpy said as she handed the package to the sharply dressed stallion.
“Thank goodness you are alright my dear, injuries tend to bring down property values and I must take proper care of my investments. So sorry I couldn’t assist you, but you understand that it is nothing personal I didn’t want to be held liable if I unwittingly injured you any further.” The stallion said in a slightly condescending tone as Rarity and her friends all looked on with shock and disgust.
“Anyway, now that unpleasantness is over my name is Demitasse Spoon and this is my wife Caddy Spoon and we are...”
“Going to be missing all of your teeth if you say one more mean and disrespectful thing to Derpy or any of my other friends!” Rainbow Dash blurted out angrily
“How dare you threaten us you lowly worm!” Caddy Spoon shouted back at Rainbow Dash
“My dear let these uncivilized, low class ruffians get it out of their system so we can get this over with.”
“Are ya’ll the parents of Silver Spoon? Caddy looks almost exactly like her.” Applejack questioned
“Yes, what of it peasant?” they both answered in an annoyed tone
“I don’t like the way Silver and her friend treat my sister and now that I have finally talked to you, I know where that spoiled little brat gets her rotten attitude.”
“Are we finished here?” asked Demitasse in an impatient, slightly annoyed tone.
“Yes, you may be my new neighbors but the less I have to associate with the two of you the better.” Rarity said as she turned her back to them in a show of contempt
“Actually, we are not your neighbors thank Celestia.” Caddy proclaimed with an air of authority as she raised her muzzle in the air.
“If you are not Rarity’s new neighbors than what are you doing here?” Twilight inquired
“My wife and I may have bought the house next to this cheap hussy passing herself as a proper lady but we are merely renting it out.”
Rainbow Dash’s normally blue coat turned a bright shade of red as she flew over to the spoons, trotted right up to them and said.
“You can say whatever you want to me, I could care less but I told you if you insulted my friends again what would happen. You can both take your smug, snooty, holier than thou attitudes and shove them right up your...”
“Rainbow Dash stop! Those meanies aren’t worth it, besides Rarity's real neighbors are probably a lot nicer than them.” Pinkie Pie pleaded with Rainbow Dash
“Very well, I guess now that we are done I will leave this ahem “package” for the renters and we shall bid you all adieu. Come on dear, lets go back home to our glorious mansion and wash this peasant stink off of us.” Demitasse Spoon proclaimed as he walked and his wife walked toward an ornate carriage. A moment of silence overtook the ponies which was soon broken by Fluttershy.
“Well, that was unpleasant.”
“I am just glad Dinky wasn’t here to see this, yelling and loud noises tend to scare her. Speaking of which it is getting late, I need to go tuck her into bed so can you all do me a favor and make sure this package goes to who it is supposed to go to?” Derpy asked the ponies
“No problem.” Twilight took the package as she began to read the address
“This is the right address, but I can’t make out the names.”
“Oh, oh guys my Pinkie sense is tingling I think Rarity's real neighbors are on their way.”
“I see them right over there.” Rarity said as she pointed out a mechanical carriage pulling up to the house. As they got out of the carriage and walked toward the house to everypony's surprise Rarity's new neighbors were not ponies but were...
“Diamond dogs? My new neighbors are Diamond dogs? Oh no, oh no no no no this will simply not do.”
The ponies looked on at the unexpected neighbors; the first one a fairly tall, lean, friendly looking Golden Retriever. The second a stocky, muscular German Shepard with tattoos covering most of his arms and the last one a Chihuahua/Poodle mix with a seemingly permanent snarl like he had something to prove.
“Rarity, I know those other diamond dogs kidnapped you but remember how everypony was afraid of Zecora and she turned out to be completely harmless?” Twilight tried to reassure Rarity
“You are right Twilight, those other diamond dogs may have been horrid monsters but I still don’t know these ones.”
“Welcome, welcome, welcome to Ponyville my new friends. My name is Pinkie Pie and these are my friends Rarity, Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Fluttershy and we all have this super awesome party planned for you.”
“Molte grazie. My name is Ace and these are my goombah’s Rocky and Bandit. We didn’t expect ponies like you to actually want to see us.” Ace said with a smile as he graciously thanked them for their hospitality as both his good manner and thick Italian accent soon let the ponies know that he was not your ”typical” diamond dog.
“Non c'è problema, this party was Pinkie Pie’s idea but we are all happy to have you.” Rarity mentioned as she greeted her new neighbors.
“Si Parla Italiano?” Ace asked Rarity
“Si, I speak a little bit it comes in handy.”
“Is there food at this party? I am hungry over here.” Rocky asked as his stomach started to growl.
“Why of course silly, food is just one of many things that make a great party.”
“Aaaaaaaawwwoooooooooo!” All 3 of them howled in agreement
“My Pinkie sense tells me yes, so follow us to the party.”
Have you ever notice that there's no mention of a girl Diamond Dog?
4496297 Yes I suppose that is true.
*reads unpleasant episode with the Spoons at the start of the chapter*:
myfacewhen.net/uploads/4359-well-that-escalated-quickly.jpg
Nice chapter EP, can't wait for the next one.
4496369 You haven't seen nothing yet, things are going to escalate a lot further than that later on. I was originally going to put Filthy Rich and his wife in there but the spoons was my editor/proofreaders suggestion. With that said though Filthy Rich might still have a role in the story, though I haven't really decided whether or not that will be the case. I was originally going to have this scene and the party one both be part of this chapter but splitting them in two I think is going to make the transition a bit easier. I might do some work on chapter 3 tomorrow if I have time, if not then probably Friday.
I see that you added this to the "I Just Want a Comment" group. Well, here is my input: there should not be an apostrophe in "Gets" in the title.
4503309 Easily fixable and done.
4503328
I like it better already
Actually, I've only submitted to the Fimfiction Authors Helping Authors group, which Batbrony's also in, but close enough. I might add a fic to the MLP forums one, though.
Story: Rarity Gets Cockroaches
Grammar: 4/10
Grammar is understood but a little flawed. Not leaving a blank line in between paragraphs was confusing, and some of your punctuation is off. For example, this section:
I'd render this as "Today, we will earn our cutie marks. Sweetie Belle? We need water, stat."
Get rid of that apostrophe. Since they don't really pause in the show when they do that, the lack of comma before 'yay' is acceptable.
I believe Rarity is jumping trains of thought here, right? So, "How uncouth! Of all the ways Sweetie Belle could try to earn her cutie mark -- but that can't be what is causing this incessant noise."
(Good word choice for Rarity, by the way)
Pros:
1. Really good Rainbow Dash writing. It sounds just like her!
2. Very nice double meaning on "new neighbors" judging from the title.
3. CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS MUD WRESLTERS!
Cons:
1. Grammar issues were a bit distracting.
2. I wasn't a fan of using asterisks to convey noises in narrative. *ding dong ding*
3. Mane 6 gettin' a little confrontational with Silver Spoon's parents a little fast.
Notes:
Fun premise and ideas you're introducing here, and having accurate character dialogue is magnifique. I think that another proofread could help a lot.
4511132 Oh, I guess what threw me off was how he said "mlp forums" in his review, but I suppose that is no harm no foul.
Thanks for the suggestions, I fixed the mistakes you pointed out and took out the *ding dong* thing because I guess I didn't even need it anyway. Is the remark about not leaving blank spots between paragraphs about paragraph spacing?
4511616 Yeah, it was about paragraph spacing. I'm one of those people whose eyes glaze over without that little bit of white space.
"Spikey precious scales ,Can you please deliver this to my new neighbors ?" You need to open it when they answer the door."
Spike knocks on the door , It opens as the box he has does the same PEPPER! "Hi ,I'm Spike I'm here to say , , , Ahhhhhh Chooooooo, FoooooooM!"
A burst of green flame and the contents of the neighbors house vanished. . .wOoF?
"Who in tartarus are you to interrupt my Royal bath ?"
"My hero once again !