This is the tale of a unicorn named Dusk Fire. A troubled and traumatized pony. a beacon of innocence to his friends, but a pony who holds dark secrets.
So, tell me guys, is this fic good? Are you looking forward to each chapter? I know I look forward to writing the next chapter, and seeing you fave my fic. I'd like to hear more from you guys though, y'all seem to be a bit quiet!
He kinda overreacted at her statement after e hugged her. Hugs are supposed to lighten the mood. Also, you could've led into his cutie mark story better, but it's okay as-is.
Good story though. I usually insta-dislike if its completely made of OCs but I haven't yet.
Thanks! Any suggestions are great, and I'm open to criticism.
I wanted to go for a more... emotional scene with the hug. Dusk is a very complex character, he may seem rather perfect on the outside, but he is infinitely more complex on the inside. His exterior demeanour is a clever ruse that he has perfected over the years without Jet. Many ponies don't appreciate his character and personality. He lets these walls down when he hugs Petal, so when she makes that flirtatious comment, he is quite vulnerable.
I'll see what I can do about the cutie mark story, but it is more or less set in stone at the moment.
Alright, Chapter Three, here I come. So. First up! His dad's appeared on the scene. Cool as cool, but this is the first mention we've had of him in the story. Especially since he seems to be so important to Dusk, this should have happened earlier.
So his idea of trying to trick Petal into disliking him? I... I'm not sure how I feel about that. Petal's kind of strange herself - she seems to have a bit of a problem with her own self-esteem (certainly would fit into the Pinkie Pie mould there, if that's what you're going for). 'Not that interesting', though? That's pretty harsh on herself.
So, what next... The hug. Heh, brings to mind one of my characters, Friesden. Look at the Coupledye Chronicles if you're interested in her, but that 'wanting it to last forever' seems to be pretty common. So. Setting up Petal as a love interest, possibly competing with Lavender (but I don't think so. I think Lavender is going to be the friend of the lot, if anything)? I like it.
What I'd go to from here:
1. Got a group of friends. Teachers either don't care or ignore them. Stick together. 2. Magic Teacher seems fairly sympathetic. They possibly help her with something (this would be when Lavender stops being 'PLI' and starts being 'comrade in hooves'). 3. Prove Math Teacher wrong about being sucky at maths. Lavender probably saves the day here! 4. Bullies show up again. POSSIBLY Dusk Fire befriends them. 5. Jet comes back and sees he's been replaced! WHAT HAPPENS NOW?
So, tell me guys, is this fic good? Are you looking forward to each chapter? I know I look forward to writing the next chapter, and seeing you fave my fic. I'd like to hear more from you guys though, y'all seem to be a bit quiet!
I really. Like this although I'm wondering is your pic what dusk fire looks like or not?
2762746
Yes. My current profile picture is an image of Dusk Fire. I liked the design I made for him, so I decided I'd use him as a profile pic
He kinda overreacted at her statement after e hugged her. Hugs are supposed to lighten the mood.
Also, you could've led into his cutie mark story better, but it's okay as-is.
Good story though. I usually insta-dislike if its completely made of OCs but I haven't yet.
2765391
Thanks! Any suggestions are great, and I'm open to criticism.
I wanted to go for a more... emotional scene with the hug. Dusk is a very complex character, he may seem rather perfect on the outside, but he is infinitely more complex on the inside. His exterior demeanour is a clever ruse that he has perfected over the years without Jet. Many ponies don't appreciate his character and personality.
He lets these walls down when he hugs Petal, so when she makes that flirtatious comment, he is quite vulnerable.
I'll see what I can do about the cutie mark story, but it is more or less set in stone at the moment.
Alright, Chapter Three, here I come. So. First up! His dad's appeared on the scene. Cool as cool, but this is the first mention we've had of him in the story. Especially since he seems to be so important to Dusk, this should have happened earlier.
So his idea of trying to trick Petal into disliking him? I... I'm not sure how I feel about that. Petal's kind of strange herself - she seems to have a bit of a problem with her own self-esteem (certainly would fit into the Pinkie Pie mould there, if that's what you're going for). 'Not that interesting', though? That's pretty harsh on herself.
So, what next... The hug. Heh, brings to mind one of my characters, Friesden. Look at the Coupledye Chronicles if you're interested in her, but that 'wanting it to last forever' seems to be pretty common. So. Setting up Petal as a love interest, possibly competing with Lavender (but I don't think so. I think Lavender is going to be the friend of the lot, if anything)? I like it.
What I'd go to from here:
1. Got a group of friends. Teachers either don't care or ignore them. Stick together.
2. Magic Teacher seems fairly sympathetic. They possibly help her with something (this would be when Lavender stops being 'PLI' and starts being 'comrade in hooves').
3. Prove Math Teacher wrong about being sucky at maths. Lavender probably saves the day here!
4. Bullies show up again. POSSIBLY Dusk Fire befriends them.
5. Jet comes back and sees he's been replaced! WHAT HAPPENS NOW?