I've walked for the better part of the day. The sun still shines bright, high in the sky behind me. I felt like I was walking in circles. Everything looked the same to me, same bright forest that almost seemed alive in a sense. Everything had a warm aura to it, it seemed like they were, almost glowing with life. It was clear I wasn't in Saudi anymore, but where could I be?
I stopped and focused on my surroundings. Spotting a small opening by a tree, I made my way over for a quick break. I slid off my pack and sat against the tree. Catching my breath, I look around. Everything still looked the same to me, for all I knew, I landed here just behind the next tree.
"Guess it's as good of time as any." I breath out reaching for my bag. I open it up and start to take inventory of what I had left.
I turned my pack upside down and shook it free of its content. Once everything was out, I started pulling everything off my body.
'OK, I lost my rifle in the explosion back in Saudi. That leaves me with my USP, and my Mateba Auto-revolver. I have 72 rounds of .45, and 24 rounds of .44. Not the most Ideal set up, but it'll do for now.
'I got my grandfathers knife still, four smoke grenades, a med kit, a pair of Night Vision goggles, Suppressors for my rifle and USP, and a dark green and black Ghille suit. Which will help a lot considering my A-Tacs Au BDUs don't really help me in this environment.'
Giving a depressed sigh, I start to put everything back in place. I slipped on my vest and holstered my side arms. I put the Ghille suit on over it and hid my pack. I went North, hopefully to find some sort of food or a town. Birds seemed to be plentiful, chirping wildly as I walked the forest floor.
I looked up to see nothing be leaves. 'Fuckin birds...probably warning all the animals I'm here.' I continued walking for quite some time. It was dark, and yet, the birds still yelled to one another.
"Fucking dammit! Really? You guys can't stay quiet for for five God damn minutes?!" I shout above a whisper.
To my surprise, they went quiet. The only sound was my breathing. It seemed strange but I liked it, I continued my trek deeper into the forest.
But then it hit me. The birds are quiet. When do birds ever stay quiet?
When there's danger.
"Shit." I lifted my USP and waited for something to happen. And for a moment, I didn't think anything was going to happen. But then I heard a scream.
I took off in the direction it came from. The screams grew louder and louder. I stopped and swept the area. I didn't see anyone, but i heard foot steps. I hid behind a tree and waited for whatever it was to come out.
The screams and foot steps grew louder, and I saw a rustle in the bushes in front of me. I took aim as two small creatures jumped out. They both screamed and froze when they saw me.
"Ahhhh!!!" They both cried. Wait....Did they just scream? The bushes started to rustle again and they quickly ran behind me. Utterly confused for the moment, I just went with it and aimed back at the bush. Whatever it is, it had to be bad. I mean, they were running away from it.
When it jumped out, the little creatures behind me screamed again. So I shot it.
Bang Bang
It hit the ground fast and didn't move. I walked over to it and gave it a quick kick. It was a fucking warthog....Well at least I have food now.
I turned around and saw the small creatures cowering in each others arms. 'Little, tiny, ponies?'
I crouched down and spoke softly. "Hey...you two alright?" They looked at me, shaking heavily.
"Thams yu..." It spoke....I knew it could scream, but, it could talk!
I stood back up to my full height. Bad Idea.
The little ponies eyes widened in fear as they watched me rise up. They backed away from me frightened. I took a step towards them, but that only caused them to run away and scream.
"Hey wait!" I called out. But it was to late, I succeeded in scarring off the only Intelligent life I found so far. Sighing, I picked up the warthog and carried it back to camp.
'Maybe I'll see them again.' I thought as I made my way through the dark forest.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Later that night, Canterlot.
Luna sat on the throne in a empty room. The only others in the room, were the two guards that flanked her on each side.
Luna hated nights like this. Not a single pony coming in with problems, nothing to sign or read over. Nor did she have the guard she thought of as a friend. If she were here, certainly they would talk and keep this boring atmosphere away.
Luna sighed lightly and thought to herself.
'Maybe if I put up a sound dampener, I can teleport away without anypony knowing...' She smiled and went to light her horn. She stopped when the doors burst opened and a guard came rushing in.
"Princess, Urgent news from a small settlement south of Unicorn Range."
"Proceed." She said, a little too excitedly.
"Two Fillies were out playing in White Tail Woods, they say they were chased by a warthog."
Luna deflated a bit. "Is that all? Are the Fillies alright?"
"The Fillies are fine Princess. But they say that they ran into a huge creature that killed the warthog with a 'weapon that made a very loud noise.'"
"Where is this creature now?"
The guard shook his head. "It is unknown Princess. The Fillies say after it tried communicating with them, they ran home."
Luna nodded. "Smart thinking. Guard! Organize a search party, I want my Lieutenant leading a team through the forest by sunrise!" The guard bowed and ran out of the throne room to gather more guards.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Canterlot Barracks. 0520 hours.
The Night guard slowly made her way to the locker by her bunk. She opened it and started taking off her armor. When she removed her helmet, her white coat turned back into her natural Midnight Black color. And her mane from Golden yellow to a Light Blue.
Resting a hoof on the backside of her neck, she gave it a solid twist, getting a satisfying pop from her sore neck. Letting out a firm sigh of relief, she went to undo her chest piece.
"Jeez Midnight, that's so unladylike like of you." A voice sounded from behind.
Midnight Seas turned around to see her bunk mate, and best friend getting ready for her shift. Midnight smiled. "Hey Summer Breeze. How did you sleep?"
Summer smiled back and hugged her friend. "Pretty good, have a fun shift?"
Midnight scoffed, "Oh yeah, loads of fun..."
"What are you about to do? Sleep off the stress?"
"Na, think I might go out for a early breakfast. Not really all that tired yet."
"Sounds fun, with I could come with. I'd love some pancakes or-"
The door to the barracks opened with a tired looking pony stumbling in. "Midnight Seas, Princess Luna has requested you lead a search party into the White Tail Woods. Summer Breeze, we'll need you as well. Meet the Princess in the Throne room ASAP."
With that he turned around and slowly trotted away. Midnight frowned and put back on her Helmet. "Well, lets go..."
Midnight and Summer made their way to the Throne room where a dozen more guards were assembled. They made they're way up to the Princesses and saluted.
"Princess Luna, Lieutenant Midnight Seas reporting ma'am."
Luna nodded with a small smile. "Thank you Lieutenant. I know you just got off duty."
"I'll be fine Princess. What services do you require of me?"
Luna's smile grew bigger as she looked up to the other guards.
"Guards! It has come to our attention that a large creature is hiding somewhere in White Tail Woods. We would like for you to search the area for this creature and bring it here.It is believed that this creature is highly Intelligent and dangerous, so us caution when approaching it. If necessary, use force to capture it. We cannot have such a threat so close to civilians. Any questions?"
One guard raised his hoof. Luna nodded, acknowledging him. "Do we have any information on what this creature looks like?"
Luna closed her eyes. "The only thing we know is, that it is extremely tall, and bipedal. The Fillies that encountered it say that it can speak, but they did not recognize its words."
"Fillies?" Multiple guards muttered to themselves. "Ma'am, we're supposed to search the White Tail Woods for a creature that Fillies said they saw? There doesn't sound like much credibility to this."
"And what if they were telling the truth? You would do nothing to keep a dangerous creature away from innocent ponies? Regardless if the Fillies actually saw it or not, we have a duty to protect everypony. We owe it to them to check it out." Midnight snapped at the guard.
Luna raised a hoof. "Lieutenant. I share your concern sergeant, but Midnight Seas is correct. Our duty is to protect those who cannot protect themselves. Now if there is not any further questions, you are dismissed."
Everypony bowed and trotted out the room.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
White Tail Woods, 0945 hours.
I awoke to a soft snap of a stick breaking in the distance. My senses slowly returned as I screwed on the suppressor to my USP. I stood up and rounded the tree.
And there I was. Face to face with an armored Pony.
I... do not usually partake in (Insert Military Unit Class) type of HiE fics, seeing as they are so numerous. Seeing as the protaginist is listed as Mercenary makes it all the more generic and difficult for me to like this story.
Grammar and spelling need work. Plot is fair, but overused. You are free to continue, but I suggest you make changes if you want this to become even moderately popular.
2627021I thank you for the feed back sir. I know the plot is pretty generic, but I wanted to try my hand at this type of fic. I know my spelling and grammar need work, I'm not the best at writing, but that's why I'm creating works of fiction. To get better. It would be greatly appreciated if anyone could point out errors so I can fix and see what I did wrong.
As for the Mercenary thing, I've seen a lot of Military HiE fics, but never a Merc one. I must be looking in the wrong places...But anyway, thanks again for your input.
2627086 No problem.
Like most of these story you focus too much on useless détails and don't describe anything usefull to help the readers picturing the scene.
Is it really necessary to describe every piece of gear this CS-like main character got ? I'm pretty sure it's not usefull at all.
Use of this camo pattern in a desert settings ? No use at all, but it's convenient because the MC land in a forest :
And after that, why the MC want the birds to shut up ? Chirping birds mean no predator lurking, while silent birds mean the contrary. So when the MC made the birds shut up, he have alerted everything of his presence, a silent forest is NOT a good sign.
Then he kill a warthog and think eating it is a good thing ? What kind of merc react like this in a foreign and unknow country ? Did you know that killing and dressing any animal on the field is not advised to remain hidden ? That's a reason there is MRE and the like, pack all the energy needed, don't leave much scent and is easy to dispose off ( you keep the package in a bag ).
Killing and dressing an animal in the field make a bloody mess, attract predators, leave a carcass and make you smell of blood and visceras for a while. Not to mention you need a fire ( smoke, light and scent ) to eat it. And for most animals you need to prepare them right ( you need to cut the balls of male deer fast after a kill, or else the whole meat taste like piss ).
The MC is who, Rambo ?
2628141Well, thank you for the tips. As for the things you pointed out, The birds chirping and eating the Warthog, the MC is not a survival expert, so he wouldn't know. As for the fire, he's looking for people so getting noticed wouldn't be much of a problem for him. He just wants to find someone and find out where he is. The MRE's, like the Ghille suit, it seems I forgot to put in more detail as to why he has/doesn't have them.
The MRE's were with Nick, Nick is now dead, no MRE's.
The Dark Green/Black Ghille suit, it helps at night. Being in a desert environment, you don't really have a need for a Ghille suit during the day if you have some sort or desert camo. Same can be said for at night, but dessert camo during the night, tends to slightly stand out to the trained eye. So having some sort of alternate, without another set of BDU's is welcome. As to why it's green and black instead of a dark desert pattern, it's the only one he had. I meant there to be some dialog as to why he had it, but I left it out on accident.
If the MC was in the Everfree, it would serve more purpose. But he's in White Tail, (to me) everything in it is peaceful and bright. So dark things would stand out during the day.
The MC is NOT a PMC or Soldier, so he doesn't act like one. He's a Mercenary. Most are hot headed, untrained dumbasses who only care about money. And some are Para-military trained guns for hire. The MC is somewhere in between, he has training, but lacks in survival skills.
Thanks for the Feed-back. You seem to know your stuff, and it is appreciated when you point stuff out.
Another advice, what attract the eyes when dealing with equestrian ponies ? They are COLORFUL.
Reread your whole scene with the two fillies, you didn't even describe them ! Even if they don't show anymore in the story you need to describe them, so the readers can pictures them, and you can build the MC reaction better, because the things bursting out of the bushe are impossibly colorful to be natural.