The Mettle of Friendship

by Solace Sojourn

Arc 2: Unbroken Vigil, chp 6

“Sorry, Sonorous…” Violet mumbled, poking the ground with a hoof.

“Why?” he asked, turning to the mare. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

She turned away to avoid showing her grimace, pretending to be enthralled by a nearby lizard. It scurried across the ground from one hole to the next, taking refuge within the earth. When it disappeared, she took a deep breath.

“What do we do now?”

“Well… you could continue looking for jobs, what little good that will do…” Sonorous said, shrugging. “It’s better than nothing.”

Nodding, Violet turned to Zen. He hadn’t spoken at all yet, worrying her somewhat. She walked up to and nuzzled him. As she was doing so, however, she whispered into his chest, “Are you alright?”

“No,” he responded.

“We’ll find jobs soon.”

“It’s not that.”

“Then what?”

“Not here.”

She nodded, the warmth of his chest radiating and swelling within her, enticing her to lock muzzles with him once again. The desire was always hard to subdue. Zen took matters into his own hooves and pushed her away slowly. Violet looked up at him and frowned, unease oozing its way into her stomach. She wanted to say more, to say anything at all, but nothing seemed appropriate with Sonorous within earshot. The mare wanted to be alone with Zen. At length, all she did was watch as Zen walked over to the pegasus and sit in silence while they conversed.

What good am I doing here? I mean… what am I actually contributing…?

Violet felt a sudden lump in her throat. She realized that all she was really doing… was expending more of their resources without giving anything in return. She was speeding up the short window they had to pull together enough money to pay off the landlord. When she realized this, she inhaled sharply and looked down, clenching her eyes shut.

“Vivi?” Zen asked, turning around and rushing to her. When he put a hoof on her shoulder, she yanked herself away from him and sat there in silence. She never saw the hurt look on Zen’s face and moments passed in which all that was heard was the rustle of the wind upon the grass.

“Can I go back to the apartment for a while?” she asked quietly. “I need some time alone… to think.”

“Vivi, are you sure—”

“Please!” she cried and turned to face Zen, tears streaming. “Please…”

Zen backed away somewhat and nodded almost imperceptibly. Sonorous, however, called out after her. “Do you know the way back?”

“I remember,” she muttered. “But… I do need a key.” Violet approached Sonorous and held out her hoof. When the pegasus looked to the other stallion and all he did was give a vacant shrug, Sonorous sighed and gave it to her.

“Please be careful, Violet,” he pressed. Violet wasn’t sure from where the concern originated but she was grateful, nevertheless, even if she didn’t show it. Because she didn’t. All she did was turn and start on her way back into Manehatten, alone.

She paid little attention to the other ponies around her, mostly moving aside because they had to be doing something more important, more noteworthy, and more deserving of recognition. Violet didn’t want to get in their way. When she passed by the fire department once again, her eyes inevitably drifted toward the front door. The urge to go inside filled her once more, threatening to spill over the brim. She actually did start toward the door but somebody slammed into her and knocked her to the ground.

Violet grunted as she collided with the dirt but otherwise, looked behind her in an attempt to find the wayward pony. She caught a glimpse of a gray coat, blue and black hair, and…

Yellow eyes…? she wondered. Are those what I saw? The random pony gave a quick glance back at Violet and she could have sworn that they dilated in that split second that they remained locked with hers. At least, she guessed that the pony was a he, judging from the lack of eyelashes and the presence of a goatee.

He didn’t stop, however, and continued on his urgent way. Violet picked herself up from the dirt, fixed what she could of her hair, and looked to the fire department doors once more. Sighing, she walked past it.

Violet didn’t even give the post office a first glance as she passed by it and continued on her less-than-merry way. It wasn’t long before she had reached the circle of buildings that seemed obscenely tall to her. They blocked too much of the sky; however, she admired the view they gave when at the higher floors. She then got an idea and started inside Zen and Sonorous’s building. Rushing to the elevator, she pushed the button marked with a 7, the highest number she could find. Nobody else was in the elevator, so she sat in barely contained silence. When, at last, the doors slid open and she was on the seventh floor, she rushed to the stairs and was thrilled to find them going up one more floor. She made her way up them and pushed her way through the door at the top of the stairs. A gentle breeze caressed her coat and made her mane flow to the side. She tilted her head upward and took in the sheer expanse of the sky, heavily clouded and threatening with a storm. Step by slow step, she walked forward, her jaw dropping a little more with every second that passed.

By the time she got to the edge, her mouth was gaping and she stood there, transfixed. The whole of Manehatten was below her. Violet put a hoof to her muzzle and felt tears brimming. She was always one for wide open and expansive places, but this…? This was a whole new level of panoramic. She could see far more than that of what could be expected normally. It was therapeutic, being able to see everyone and everything. It put into perspective her own thoughts and feelings, allowing her to distance herself from them and examine them as a third party might.

Do I really belong here? I don’t think so, but I don’t want to leave Zen, either… or Sonorous…

For hours, Violet sat alone up there, pondering her situation and what she might make of it. The sun had traversed a third of the sky and it started becoming dark by the time she turned her attention outward once again. Sighing, she started on her way back to the apartment. She hadn’t reached a real solution that would fix all of their problems, but one thought served as a probable fail-safe option that she kept tucked away deep beneath that smile she put on when she happened to stumble upon Zen and Sonorous at the door to 3A.

“Hey guys,” she said with tried calmness. “How’d the rest of your day go?”

Zen looked to the pegasus and sighed before looking back to Violet. “Not great.” She felt part of her stomach clench but did her best to keep her soft smile as genuine as possible. “We got the base work done for the current commission, though. It’s supposed to be a news station and right outside a high traffic area like Manehatten, it makes sense.”

Nodding, Violet unlocked the front door and made her way inside, pushing the door aside for the two stallions. Zen closed the door and locked it behind them. Sonorous almost immediately retreated to his room, only taking time to mention to Violet, “We’ll try again tomorrow, Violet. It’ll be better.”

She nodded again; this time, a bit slower. Once again, Violet lay down on the couch, stretching and yawning. Zen accompanied her as he always did, lying behind her and resting his muzzle on her back. He listened to her rhythmic breathing and remained in silence. Violet found herself easing and her tension melting, a sense of serene calm washing over her as Zen ran a hoof up and down her side gently. The mare enjoyed his presence and warmth. It allowed her to think with more clarity than even atop the apartment. It also allowed her to recall something about Zen earlier. And her curiosity got the better of her.

“Hey Zen,” she whispered.

“Yeah?”

“Earlier… when we returned to Sonorous after… lunch… what was bothering you?”

She heard him sigh. “Do we really have to talk about that now?”

Violet’s stomach churned. “Well… I’d like to. You seemed worried and I wanted to help.”

“It’s nothing.”

“It doesn’t sound like nothing.”

Feeling the pressure ease off of her back, Violet turned to find Zen with a near-blank expression on his face. The one part that showed any hint of emotion was his eyes. They never evaded her.

“You’re so beautiful,” he said. Violet raised an eyebrow, confused. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“You’re not… gonna lose me,” she mumbled, shaking her head. “I… I don’t…”

“Violet, we don’t have that much time left. I want to spend as much time with you as possible but seeing as how we’re going to lose what comfort we have here quite soon… I wanted to make it special. That’s why I took you to lunch. I wanted to treat you with all the care you deserve but it only made things worse…” he sighed and looked away. “All I did was dim our chances of saving our home.”

Violet recoiled and fought back tears, fought back the rising despair, and fought back her conflicting joy since he had used the words “our home.” She reached out and hugged him, burying her face in his chest. “Please stop talking like that. I enjoyed it. I really did, Zen…”

Zen returned the embrace and cried into her shoulder. “I’m sorry, Vivi.” She didn’t know what to do. Her emotions were boiling over and with the lack of control over the situation, she cried as well. Neither of them were loud enough to rouse Sonorous but they would’ve hardly cared, if at all. Both of them were frustrated in the extreme at their predicament and took advantage of their limited time alone. They remained together until they had ran out of tears and lay there, never letting go of each other, until they fell asleep in each other’s forelegs.

Violet dreamed of sitting atop the apartment with Zen. They were both sitting and staring out at the city. She turned to him and found him staring back at her. They smiled and inched toward each other until they were within whispering distance. Violet started to say something but was interrupted, once again, when Zen pressed a firm kiss onto her muzzle. She was forced to close her eyes so she could return it, even harder. She reveled in his taste and remembered his scent. When she pulled away and opened her eyes, she noticed that they were back in The Barn Garden. Nobody but Zen was visible and he smiled widely at her. She smiled back and reached out to hug him. He did the same and they embraced for a long while. Violet didn’t pull away this time. She stayed like that for a long while, holding Zen and wishing that this moment could last forever. She did, however, open her eyes and realize that they were outside, in Manehatten. Something knocked her and Zen to the ground. Once again, she looked and spotted that drive-by gray pony. A mixture of confusion and annoyance coursed through her but was immediately washed away when she started to get up and saw the fire department. Zen had disappeared. Her heart dropped and she turned, running. She had to get away from there. Who knows what she might find? Would anybody recognize her? Connect her to the school fire? Place blame? The ground started to crumble beneath her and she began to halt, stopping just before the edge. Violet started to back up, sped up, and eventually, she turned and ran back the way she came, only to find that all the ground around the fire department had deteriorated. She cried out and bucked the air, too scared to go anywhere. Tears streamed down her face and she curled up on the ground and buried her face in her tail, wishing it all away.

Violet, you need to go home, a voice boomed all around her.

He is home! She cried at herself over and over. Zen is home… Zen… She mumbled his name over and over, chanting it against the crumble of reality around her. Zen, where are you?

Only when she started falling did she realize that all of the ground had faded and she yelled, covering her face with her forelegs. The fear was too great.

Violet awoke, screaming, and broke down into tears, not even caring that Zen had never moved an inch and was speaking to her. She heard nothing. All Violet did was turn on the couch, away from him, and let the terror flow. She cried into the pillow and hugged herself, wondering why she could never be free from her personal torment, even when she had found somebody, even when she loved him, and even when he loved her back.

I thought I was over this! Damnit, when will it end!?