Chapter 1
A New Dawn, on an unknown land.
Twilight queasily left the boat, resting her head upon the docks, as Applejack left the boat unaffected. "I don't see how you couldn't have gotten seasick Applejack..." She said, finally having gotten her lunch to stay in her stomach. "Even Rainbow threw up once." Rainbow waved from the ship, unable to move yet.
"Well, yeah..." Applejack said, looking around at the ponies, all of them seasick. "I guess I'm just hardier then all you other folks." She said, crossing her front hooves a smile on her face.
"Yeah, I suppose so." Twilight mumbled, looking back at the boat. She smiled, as ponies who had recovered already began working on unloading the supplies. She chuckled softly, as some of these supplies were apple trees. "Couldn't leave them behind?" She asked, looking at Applejack as Rainbow joined in on getting the supplies off the boat.
Applejack shook her head, still smiling. "I'm an apple farmer Twilight," She said patting Twilight's shoulder. "I'm not leaving that. It's my families business, why should I?"
Twilight chuckled, nodding her head. "I guess so..." She smiled, as Rainbow approached them. "So, has all the supplies been taken from the boat? Or should we go and help?"
Rainbow shook her head, smiling. "Oh no." Rainbow replied, smiling. "Just about everything is taken from the boat. Just a few more boxes of food and we can send her back to Manehatten for more supplies. Other then that, we're all set to start the town." Rainbow settled down, next to Applejack. "I still say Twilightopia would be a good idea." She mumbled, which cause Applejack to hit her on the head, and Twilight to shake her head.
"Rainbow," Twilight said, a soft smile on her face. "It's a nice thought to name it after me. But we should let the town council decide on the name, once they are elected that is."
Rainbow sighed, shaking her head. "What ever, I'm going to gather some clouds stuff and figure out where to put my house." She said, before she flew off, after a group of Pegasi gathering clouds.
"Oh yeah..." Twilight mused, chuckling. "I guess they will have to start a Cloudsdale over here too..." Twilight looked around, sighing. The area already showed signs of the city, as ponies worked on getting homes and shops up, before night fall. "Well, I guess we all have work to do." As she moved off the dock, into what would become the marketplace. "After all, wouldn't want to be out in the cold during the night."
Applejack chuckled, following Twilight. "Aye," She said, a soft smile on her face.
Three days pass, and already Twilight was running into political problems. It seemed as though the few ponies from Canterlot who were chosen to go on the expedition were refusing to do any of the work. "Look," Applejack said, flatly to one such pony. "I don't care that you got a hooficure in Canterlot before coming here. I don't care if you're afraid you'll mess up your hair, or get dirt on you. Yah still need to work."
"Well, I never." The mare spouted, backing away from Applejack. "How dare you order me around you... you scoundrel. I'll have you know that I am one of Canterlot's finest. I am of the Elite. You won't see me getting dirty with your filth."
"What did you say?" Applejack yelped, only to be held back from pouncing on the mare by Rainbow and Twilight. "You better shape up, or you'll be on a boat ride back to Equestria, and I told you I don't care who you are."
"My apologizes Miss Rare Trinkets." Twilight said, to the mare. "But Applejack is right, everyone does need to help out around here. This isn't Equestria, your titles there won't mean much for now." She smiled, her wings unfurling. "And trust me, the last thing you'd want to do is make me your enemy." She smiled, nodding.
"V-very well." Rare Trinkets said, looking from Twilight's horn to her wings. "I will... um... think about it." She turned to leave, before glancing back at them. "But that doesn't mean I will."
Both Rainbow and Applejack stood there looking at Twilight. Rainbow had a soft smug look on her face. "And here I was think you'd never use your Alicorn status for benefit." Rainbow chuckled, slightly pushing Twilight's wing with her hoof.
Twilight furled her wings back, looking away slightly blushing. "Yes... well," She finally said, readjusting herself. "I really didn't see any other way... to... defuse the argument. After all, Applejack was right... and Celestia did name me leader of the expedition and..."
Applejack silenced Twilight's protests with a hug, which Rainbow joined in shortly after. "It's okay Twilight." Applejack said, handing Rainbow a couple of bits. "We really never thought that you'd use your status... well, I did atleast."
"Yeah, we had a bet going." Rainbow said, counting the bits. "I though that you'd use your status to make the Canterponies to get in line. Pinkie actually said you'd turn one of them into a teapot, or start banishing them to the moon."
Twilight and Applejack both raised an eyebrow at Rainbows remark. "Okay, I get the teapot thing. But why would Twilight banish anypony to the moon?"
Rainbow shrugged. "I dunno, because they pissed her off?" She questioned, looking at Twilight. "That's why I would."
Twilight was about to speak up when a guard pony walked up to the tree of them. "Ma'am?" He said, bowing before he approached them. "There is something you should see."
Interesting... But I think it's going a little too quickly. Although I'm not a writer, and the pace could be correct, for all I know. Anyway, I'm looking forward to more of this.
2580052
The pacing is indeed correct for what I have planned for this story. Keep in mind, that I don't plan on it being rather long. If you'd look at my other story, you'd see that the longest chapter there is roughly about 5k words. Though I would prefer for the first chapter here to be about the same length as the one there. I just couldn't.
I'd rather have a short good story, then a long drawn out one.
2580068
Okie Dokie Lokie! As I said, I'm not a writer. This looks promising, and, so far, I like it.
2580087
Well, that's why I write. The enjoyment of others... My lord I'm Pinkie Pie...
But yeah, I post stories so that people can enjoy the workings of my crazy, imaginative mind. Tried my hand a drawing... I sucked. My old high-school's Librarian always told me I had a nack for telling stories... so here I am.
I think this fits:
Hah, I'd had a similar fic idea a while ago, but not gotten around to writing it. Nice to see someone else is doing this plot too.
2580836
Yeah, as I wrote it down, near the end my thoughts drifted to weather or not anyone had anything similar. I guess I was right... even though I still posted mine.
2580331
I guess it does... Now if only I understood what he was saying...
2581971
Lyrics:
I'll open my heart and I'll find a way
I'll struggle to walk without fading away
I'm in a world stuck in reverse
Welcome to my second universe
Oh, and I'm working on the next chapter as we speak. Should have it up by tomorrow. (Note: It already has over 3,500 words)
2581979
Well, those are interesting lyrics.
And sweet, looking forward to reading it.
2581984 And that is why Aviators is my favorite musician of all time.
2581988
They do have some good music, though I'm more partial to LivingTombstone and the likes.
2581999 He's cool too
2582001
Now, no more talking. We both have updating to do.
2582004 Yep See ya
An interesting and novel concept, and one which I haven't seen done to death.
That's a plus.
You have relatively good grammar and formatting, as well as only a few spelling errors, that is another plus.
One thing I'd recommend is establishing a little more on the colony. Also, I kind of feel like the description of the colony is a bit lacking. You don't really mention any buildings or how the colony is coming along. How many ponies live there? You mention a "town" but give no name. I haven't read further along than chapter two so I don't know if you give it later, but it just made me feel a bit lost.
Also, just two minor nitpicks, but how would a pony like Rainbow Dash get seasick? Couldn't she just get out and fly around? Also, why did the Canterlot ponies volunteer to come to the colony if they didn't want to work? Or did they not know that they were supposed to work when they got there?
Either way, decent story, have a thumbs up and a favorite, and I'll see where this one goes
An interesting idea, one I have yet to see. The use of the bet to show what her friends think about twilight was quite amusing. Only problem I see is
Seeing as it's Twi talking here, I believe you meant {"Couldn't leave them behind?" She asked, looking at Applejack.}