https://www.fimfiction.net/story/527052/micos-adventuremlpseason-1

I want to fix everything in my story. However, I will start from the description to the very first chapter for today.

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For starters:

• no colored text. Ever. You have no idea if the reader is in light or dark mode or colorblind
• no images inline. This isn't a comic book. Describe your characters. That's the writers' art.
• none of T̶̮̺̙̩̹̈̿̓͗̏̾͝h̸̡̰̲͕̣̗͔͔͛̌͛̉í̴͈̘͆͆̐̕s̴̞̙̤̫̬̟͍͔̃̽́̉̆͝ ̵̰̱̋̂̅̉̈́͒ͅs̶̱͑̿̽͊̅̽̆̄h̴̢̤̩̮̼̲̺̤̍̿͘̚i̵̡̽͐͒t̷͚̬̭̺̞͚̥͇͘. It's unreadable.

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#2: Working on it. Also I can describe the characters while inserting images of their design.

#3: I put it in some of my characters' yell or shout to make it sound like they are shouting at their fullest. Also it is pretty rare.

For #1, I removed colored texts👍

What? Why delete?

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It is still kinda unreadable. The only fic did that made it work was with an eldritch abomination that wasn't entirely meant to be understood as he was speaking that which pony was not meant to understand...

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Are you referring to Black Entity or the Dragon in Dragonshy? Its been a while since I viewed the other chapters.

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Neither of that has anything to do with what I quoted.

I shall now requote your words, that I quoted more traditionally, earlier;

”#3: I put it in some of my characters' yell or shout to make it sound like they are shouting at their fullest. Also it is pretty rare."

They are your own words btw...

I dunno what to remove. Also I will focus more on characters on Prologue than the new chapters.

So first impressions; this is a nearly seventy thousand word story, with ratings disabled (a 'problem' I'll revisit later) and... a comment. One comment. Doesn't even matter that it is deleted. Oh... and this story is just over a quarter of a year away from it's anniversary.

We, also, begin with an annoying description. Annoying because it doesn't actually hook me in to read the story, tells things in the most vague way it can and is a mess. Having built worlds and ran groups on tabletop the first sentence is a bit of a turn off. Do you have any idea how long six thousand years is? (Never mind that it is written as 6,000) I'm tempted to Google Giglimesh (was that the right name?) and see if the oldest surviving piece of written literature could possibly measure up to that.

And I'm going to end that here or I'll spend all day on this paragraph. Six thousand really isn't a deal breaker for the masses (or even me); most authors have no sense of scale. Even if they do they likely are not well read enough to be able to compare it to anything.

This is your first story and is 70,000 words... you're doing great *thumbs up*

So... we come to the part with the "+more" button... Why is there a list of characters? What purpose does it serve here? Some feel like spoilers.

chapter 1 "prologue"

So just above the actual chapter we have this gem;

"Mico, a hero of his own universe accidentally made his arch-nemesis sent every heroes and villains into a land of talking ponies, now he has to help this world's heroes to beat the villains to get back to his world, and possibly beat the unbeatable."

Where the hell was this in the description? This is nice. Omitting grammar and spelling cleanup. This is the stuff you want people to see and they won't for the most part. The short description appears when you post a new chapter for a short time. Back in 2018 this was like... six hours... a day tops? It also appears in the search engine.

Now we come to the story itself... uh...

Reminds me of my writings when I was twelve to be honest...

We also come to our first picture. Due to the fact I read on black screen with green text I see nothing but pixelated red eyes and a white mouth. I'm sure there is much more due to the large break but I can't be bothered to change my settings. Glad to see you are describing some of your cast; I'll at least know what the secondary characters will look like.

You have grammar problems, you have spelling problems. This is slightly more legible than me using a microphone for a first draft.

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Huh? For the 6,000 Years thingy? It was how long the villain literally go do some sh*t. While the main cast just defeated him around 2009. That is the year setting of my story.

Also I'm about to change the cover image of the story.

Edit: What's wrong with the short description? It sounds like the other stories.

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Now for what year the Prologue is set, it was around 2016. The main cast defeated them for the 1st time on 2009