Note: This is a long one, and reprinted with minor edits from my blog.

Romance can be a powerful tool in storytelling. Whether you’re writing a story focused on it, or writing it as a subplot, it can make readers cry or grin like an idiot or both at the same time. Or it can make them roll their eyes and avoid your stories like the plague.

This is true no matter how good a writer you are, and no matter what characters are doing the romancing. And a lot of writers will shrug and mark the eye-rolling up to haters or people not liking the ship.

Now, I won’t lie, there are ship haters out there for every kind of ship. But there are also common problems in romance writing, and chalking dislike or lack of popularity up to haters is ignoring your duty to yourself and your audience to write the best darn fic you’re capable of.

To help you do that, today I’m going to offer some tips for preventing one of the most common problems in fanfic romances, one that can hit every being, whether canon character, background character, or OC: Alien Brainworms.

Alien Shipping Syndrome and why you should care:

Today, I’m going to draw on this seminal work, Alien Shipping Syndrome is a Terrible Thing by Chuckfinley. If you haven’t read it yourself, I recommend it, but if you don’t have time or inclination here’s a brief summary:

Alien Shipping Syndrome is a shorthand way of describing a kind of romance story where being “in love” causes the characters to act out of character, often in an imitation of cliches and tropes from RomCom movies, sitcoms, and animes. This results in a story where it feels like the character’s brains have been taken over by alien brainworms, forcing their bodies to act out a shallow romance the characters themselves would never take part in.

If you’re a shipper, it might be hard to recognize alien brainworms in your favorite ships; you can fill in the characters and their reasons for having a relationship yourself, and confirmation bias can help. But reading a ship you’re indifferent to or don’t like, it just seems sooo obvious that the characters are OOC, and what you’re reading is a cliche mess.

This just makes it more dangerous for writers: if you regularly write a ship, you can end up collecting a bunch of followers who will tell you you’re doing just great! But the truth is that you’re just pumping out a low quality drug that they happen to be addicted to, and you’re not improving as a writer or writing stories that can touch people who don’t ship it.

And non-shipping writers aren’t off the hook either. I’ve seen some excellent writers try to take a step or two into romance writing and end up with brainworms. Alien Shipping Syndrome is based in cliches, so for people who don’t enjoy romance stories, it can easily look like what a romance story is supposed to look like, while still coming off as if the characters had acquired brainworms.

How to stop the spread of brainworms:

Now, the way to prevent Alien Shipping Syndrome seems simple: think about the ship. Think about the characters involved, whether canon or OC, and about their good points and flaws and how they interact. Think about how they see and feel about love, what they want from a relationship, and use those things to determine how they would act as they developed feelings for each other and tried to pursue them.

But there’s a lot that can get in the way of that: inexperience combined with pop culture exposure to romance cliches, following the bad example of other fics that are already brainworm contaminated, lack of interest in the ships you’re writing, investment in the ship you’re writing leading to bias about how the characters would act. Any of these can allow a writer to lose focus on the characters they’re writing, or brush off a character acting in any way that they deem “unromantic” (even if it’s exactly how the characters involved would feel about or demonstrate their romantic interest.)

So given all of this, I’ve put together a list of tips for protecting your romance story from brainworms. Even more so than other rules of writing, these are not rules. In the same way that some people can have three text conversations and eat a burrito while driving and never have an accident, it’s totally possible to write a fic ignoring all of these and not end up with brainworms. And in the same way that some people are perfect drivers and still get in accidents, it’s possible to follow all of these and still end up with them.

But if you follow some or all of these suggestions, or at least stop and consider how you could follow them in your fic, you’re much less likely to end up with brainworms.

The tips:

Tell us why the characters love each other, specifically.

One thing I’ve noticed that’s a symptom of brainworms is the Generic List of Positive Traits. It goes like this:

Rainbow Dash couldn’t wait for another chance to see Applejack. After all, Applejack was awesome: she was beautiful, dependable, and a hard worker; she took care of her family, she was a great athlete and had this down-to-earth common sense.

Now… yes, those are good things about Applejack. But are they what Rainbow Dash would think of as good things about Applejack?

There’s nothing wrong with a character thinking about stuff like that, or listing it off to somepony. What’s awesome about the person they’re in love with is often someone in love’s favorite topic to think or talk about. But it needs to reflect both the character and what makes them special to the character thinking or talking about it.

Rainbow might love that Applejack is hot and athletic.

She might appreciate that Applejack is dependable, because that means no matter how busy she is she never misses their weekly workout. So say that instead.

And, my own preferences aside, it’s not just shared traits and values this works for. Maybe in your mind Rainbow appreciates Applejack’s common sense because she doesn’t have it herself. Say that too.

So, the less brainwormy version is:

Rainbow Dash couldn’t wait for another chance to see Applejack. After all, Applejack was awesome: she was hot and athletic, she never missed their weekly workout, and while Rainbow had to admit that AJ’s common sense sometimes hindered Rainbow's awesomeness, she appreciated that it made her less likely to end up looking dumb. That probably made Rainbow look more awesome, if she thought about it.

That is a much better reason for Rainbow Dash to find Applejack attractive.

Of course I used AppleDash as an example, but it’s the same for any ship. Luna isn’t going to fall in love with Soul Killer (my alicorn OC) because he’s devastatingly handsome or has more magic than anypony else ever. Those are clearly awesome things, which is why Soul Killer is awesome, but those aren’t things that Luna specifically is going to care about. Luna is going to love him because he totally loves the night, and only she understands how much angst he has after the sheer power of his magic killed every pony in a ten mile radius when he was born.

(Hey, I never said this was how you write a good romance story. Just one without brainworms.)

Give at least one negative emotion they feel towards each other or detail they notice.

People in love are not the best judges of their potential partner’s bad qualities, but they aren’t completely unable to conceive of them. They can still notice that another character is boring sometimes, or annoying, or looks kind of weird when they make that one face, or has a big pimple on their cheek. And they don’t love them for those things, usually, but in spite of them.

So another good tip for avoiding brainworms is to let your character notice something imperfect about their potential mate. They can brush it aside, or joke or tease them about it, but don’t let them love it.

Applejack listened to Twilight drone on about how the spell worked. Even being bored was wonderful when it was Twilight boring her.

Applejack is likely to feel that way because of the brainworm infection she’s currently succumbing to.

But she can be bored by Twilight and still be in love. And if Applejack would be bored by this, that’s what she should do in the story.

If Applejack wasn’t suffering from brainworms, the scene might look more like this:

Applejack listened to Twilight drone on about how the spell worked. It wasn’t too awful, she could watch the cute faces Twi made, and spend the time working out how many rows of new trees she could plant come spring.

Forcing yourself to insert something like this makes you think about the characters as individuals. If you ship something it can be easy to rattle off a dozen things the characters love about each other, but finding something they don’t like means moving past confirmation bias at least a little and actually thinking about how they would interact. For example, despite his hundreds of awesome qualities, I would have to actually consider Soul Killer’s less awesome qualities, and Luna’s character, if I wanted a scene where Luna gets annoyed that Soul Killer woke up Celestia in the middle of the night with his wicked guitar riffs (because Soul Killer sometimes acts without thinking,) or where Soul Killer got annoyed because Luna walked in on his dream about showing up for school with pink bows in his mane.

Write conversations about stuff.

I’ve extolled the virtues of this before, but as a quick rundown: I have found that a couple that only talks about how awesome they each are and how much they love each other is trying to convince someone. A couple that’s really in love talks about stuff: what they did, things they’re interested in, friends, plans for things that aren’t always dates… anything else. When you’re writing a romance, the urge is to not veer off the plot and into a pointless conversation, but there is a point to it: you’re showing, rather than telling, how the couple functions.

Brainworm infected characters are unlikely to be capable of holding a normal conversation:

Rainbow looked down at Macintosh from the branch where she was perched. “You know, you’re really strong.”

“Eyup,” Mac agreed.

“That’s cool. I like being around you. I bet we’d be really good at protecting ponies together.” Rainbow blushed.

Mac blushed as he bucked the next tree. “Don’t mind havin’ you around. You look awful pretty up there.”

This is not a conversation people have when they’re going to have a good relationship. Complementing each other gets old after a while. And more to the point of brainworms, it’s not a conversation Rainbow Dash and Mac would have if they were in their right minds.

Rainbow looked down at Macintosh from the branch where she was perched. “You know, you’re really strong.”

“Eyup,” Mac agreed.

“How much can you press?” Rainbow asked, raising an eyebrow.

Mac turned to buck the next tree. “Dunno.”

“We should totally find out sometime.” Her eyes lit up. “Hey, you and Bulk Biceps could have a contest!”

Mac smirked and eyed Rainbow. “Maybe...”

“Oh, come on. It’ll be awesome!” Rainbow flew out of the tree, landing next to Mac and giving him a nudge. “Who doesn’t like a chance to show off?”

Not only does the above give a better picture of what a relationship between Rainbow and Mac might actually look like, but talking about something other than the relationship forces you to once again consider their actual characters just to find a subject of conversation, and that’s going to bring out even more when you consider how they’d approach the subject. Luna and Soul Killer like to go see movies and then discuss how the villain could be redeemed.

Don’t write about characters acting in love.

There are certain behaviors that books, movies, and stories use as a shorthand sign that a character is in love. Blushing and stammering probably top the list, along with avoiding eye contact, stomach butterflies, looking shyly, and giggling. Now, some of these things are things that some characters would do if they were in love, I’m not denying that.

However, these are cliches, and it’s way too easy to use them for characters who wouldn’t act like that to signal to the reader that love is happening. And when you do that, it means that the brainworms have arrived.

“Twilight! It’s-- it’s great to see you again!” Sunset blushed, avoiding Twilight’s eyes as she felt the butterflies fluttering in her stomach.

“You too!” Twilight answered with a smile.

So try not to use them for that.

Yeah, if Sunset has developed a crush on Twilight, she’s going to have a heightened awareness of her presence that’s going to make her feel awkward. But there are other, not as cliche ways to indicate that, and thinking of them forces you to… consider her character!

“Hey, Twilight! It’s great to see you again!” Sunset put her hands in the pockets of her jacket, then decided that looked too fake and took them out again. She smiled and gave an awkward laugh. She had no idea what to do with her hands now, so she settled for crossing her arms across her chest.

“You too!” Twilight answered with a smile.

As a brief aside here, while the original essay didn’t mention it, I would argue that “tsundere” tropes are also a strain of brainworm. Sure, there are characters whose reaction to having a crush will be denial, posturing, or self-defensive attacks. But once again, even if you think that fits the character, don’t fall back on the stock tropes like blushing and stammering. Consider what the character is feeling and show it in a new way that’s right for that character.

For the record, Soul Killer felt kind of awkward when he asked Luna out. He took a lot of deep breaths and mixed up a few lines of the poetry he wrote her. He was really mad at himself afterwards because it was the best poem ever written.

Let your characters know what they’re feeling and why (even if they’re wrong.)

Emotions can be confusing things, but not that confusing. And, on top of that, people are really good at lying to themselves to avoid being confused. If you’re writing about that strange stirring of love awakening in a pony’s heart, frankly they should be able to figure it out pretty quickly, around the time they start thinking the other pony is sexy and they would like to kiss them.

Even if they’re really dense, or in denial for some other reason, they’re probably not going to be confused. They’re more likely to decide this feeling is related to that kind of funky donut in the back of the fridge they ate, or that they’re getting jealous because their friendship should clearly be stronger than some “family emergency” that called their friend away from their daily walk.

In either case, it shouldn’t take more than a paragraph or two for them to “know” what they’re feeling. And while they might need their friends or a kick in the flank to help figure out what they’re actually feeling, in the meantime they should be going about their business with their current theory in mind.

Rarity frowned. Why was she thinking about Applejack again? And why did it make her heart beat like a drum? Applejack was a good friend, but for some reason Rarity couldn’t get Applejack off her mind.

Notice that pesky phrase there: “for some reason.” “Somehow” is another one like that. If a character is willing to leave their feelings at that, the brainworms are at work. A sane character is going to assign a reason, real or not, for the emotions they’re considering. They might realize they’re in love, or they might be in denial, but they’re not going to leave it at “for some reason:”

Rarity frowned. Why was she thinking about Applejack again? Perhaps it meant that Applejack should be the inspiration for her new line! Bright, earthy colors, clean and simple lines, well-toned orange flanks… on the models, of course.

Or, of course, there’s nothing wrong with a character admitting they’re in love. Generally if they don’t, there should be a reason (love is sappy, questioning sexual orientation, too focused on work, etc.)

When Soul Killer first saw Luna, he knew right away that he was in love. Luna thought for a long time that she was hanging around him to try to keep him from using his awesome magical powers to accidentally destroy Equestria before she had to admit that she was getting fond of the whiny little shit.

Now, once again, these aren’t rules, they’re just tips. Most romance writers ignore them regularly. But if you’re worried that you might have infected your characters with brainworms, try using these tips for a story. There’s a very good chance it’ll make your story stronger.

And if you don’t believe me, take a look at my little parody running through this. Soul Killer angsts over his tragic backstory, loves the night, plays guitar, writes poetry, and has nightmares about wearing pink hairbows. Luna commiserates with him over his tragic backstory, talks to him about movies in a way they’re both interested in, tries to help him control his magic, and gets annoyed at his stupid behavior. Just to write these silly examples, I ended up giving Soul Killer and Luna more of a relationship that relates to each other than a lot of canon character/OC fics have, and more than even some mane six/mane six ship fics have.

That’s why you avoid brainworms.

Brainworms! Brainworms everywhere!

5047191
Well, it is almost Valentine's Day. Brainworm infestations get particularly bad this time of year.

Seeing as I am working on a romance story at the moment, I'll keep those tips in mind. Thank you.

Now more than ever, I wish I could favourite forum posts. This was easy to read, fun and supremely useful advice.
Well done.

5047090 Alright, so I'm glad this got brought up, and I'll tell you why. I'm working on a ship that is fundamentally about brain-worming the characters (through abusive relationship heavily featuring mind control), and could use some direction on introducing brain worms in a constructive way. IE: one character being driven to act "out of character" by the other character, and keeping that "out of character" behavior in line with the "in character" expectations that the mind-controlling character has of the mind-controlled character.

Basically, brain worms subverted. Any suggestions for how to un-do the un-doing process in a believable way?

5047505
In order to paint the relationship as wrong or abusive, you're going to want to make sure to show where the mind-controled character is out of character or where the controlling character has warped expectations of the relationship.

The mind-controlling character might offer a list of things they love about the other character that doesn't reflect their actual character.

You might show that the mind-controlled character can't dislike an obviously, blatantly negative trait about the mind-controlled one.

Depending on how the controller sees love, you might have the controlled character only have conversations about the relationship and how awesome it is. (The show itself did that in canon, with how Mac and Cheerilee acted when love poisoned.)

But as you said, a lot of it depends on how the controller sees the character in question, and also how they see romance and relationships. Do they think of love in terms of cliches, in which case you're going to get brainworms, or do they have some other paradigm for what they want in a relationship? If they can have whatever kind of relationship they want, not every character is going to have it play out the same way. Morality aside, a fake relationship designed by Rarity is going to look very different from one controlled by Rainbow Dash, and how you depict the relationship should reflect that as much as how the character is off. Don't just go for cliches unless cliches is what the controlling character would do.

5047523

Morality aside, a fake relationship designed by Rarity is going to look very different from one controlled by Rainbow Dash, and how you depict the relationship should reflect that as much as how the character is off.

The controller is Rarity, and the controllee is Applejack. I'm just having a hard time nailing down how the story should start, and what principles of this brain-worm mock lovery to use, since I want to explore the characters coming to terms with the new confines of the relationship based off of BDSM principles, without actually being BDSM (because real, consensual BDSM is a hell of a lot different than mind control). To be about how the act of seizing/relinquishing control has changed their relationship and, because tragedy, how it changes the characters for the worst. That, despite how frequently Twilight resorts to mind rape magic in the show, it's still an ethically monstrous thing to do, and have them learn that kind of power is not easy to give up.

Think about how they see and feel about love, what they want from a relationship, and use those things to determine how they would act as they developed feelings for each other and tried to pursue them.

I guess this is the key phase I need to keep in mind and ask myself what the characters want from themselves and each other, and how to use magic to get it from one another without cheapening the experience. Ultimately I don't want it to be a "mind-control is easy!" kind of story. I want the characters to struggle over the ethics of mind rape. The dominance of control, of living vicariously through the one exercising control over her, and so on.

The mind-controlling character might offer a list of things they love about the other character that doesn't reflect their actual character.

I read this as fairly vague. Care to elaborate more with an example?

5047725

I read this as fairly vague. Care to elaborate more with an example?

I was referring to taking the "Generic List of Positive Traits" idea and rather than change it to be what Rarity would actually like about Applejack, making it more what Rarity's idealized version of Applejack would be.

The situation is pretty squicky to me (I understand that's the intent,) especially as RariJack, so I'll continue the AppleDash example:

Rainbow Dash couldn’t wait for another chance to see Applejack. After all, Applejack was awesome: she was hot and athletic, she never missed their weekly workout, and she knew how right Rainbow was about everything. Sure, she argued sometimes, but Rainbow could tell that was just a show.

So, this is still what Rainbow Dash would like about Applejack, except we can see that the last thing on there is a mistake Rainbow is making about AJ's character. If Rainbow is going to mind control AJ, that's a place where she's obviously going to have AJ acting against her will, even with the best of intentions (because Rainbow thinks it's how AJ really wants to act.)

5230203
The more I think about it, the more in general a sheltered character is perfect for showing how Alien Brainworms don't happen. He might expect them to happen, but be surprised to find each step of the way that things feel more natural, and more specific to him than he expected. Being in love doesn't make him think his partner is perfect, or make him like things about them that they wouldn't otherwise like. He wants to talk to her about <whatever they have in common,> not about how beautiful she is. He doesn't have butterflies in his stomach, or blush, but he does find himself very interested in smoothing down the grass with his hoof or looking at nearby trees when he tries to ask her out.

The only one with a little leeway for sheltered character is realizing they're in love, but even there, the point is to give them some idea of a reason for how they feel. If he's thinking about her all the time and and seems to kind of want to kiss her, "love" is probably the first thing he'd consider. If he has reasons for dismissing that one, like it's not how he expected to feel in love, then he needs to move down to the next one on the list: "she still hasn't returned the scarf she borrowed, and obviously I'm going through some kind of hormonal fluctuation that's making me confused. That must be it. I'll remind her next time I see her, and maybe see a doctor."

But the romance itself should feel natural, because that's how romances happen. The important thing is that it's him, a character with his own personality, likes, and dislikes, falling in love with her, another character with her own different personality, likes, and dislikes. If he would act the same way and think the same things whether he was in love with Rainbow Dash or Fluttershy, and whether he was a sheltered scientist or sheltered noble, you're writing it wrong.

5047090
I don't think I have a problem with this, but do you think you could read my Romance fic - Between Bassdrops and Bowstrings - if you find the time and tell me what your opinion is?
I'm the kind of writer who writes for the passion of writing and I want to make the best story I possibly can for everyone who reads it. So, any opinions on my story, Brainworm-y or otherwise, would be most appreciated.

-Inkheart