Hi, I was writing this story called Letters From A Disgruntled Multiverse which is a spinoff of Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student by Milesprower06 which satires MLP (referencing to the fandom stuff like Gamer Luna and is highly sexualized but not to be taken seriously). The story I'm writing is poking fun at Fimfiction stories on Fimfiction. I'm doing Past Sins with Permission from Penstroke and I was wondering if anyone has suggestions on what i can make fun off in Past Sins. Keep in mind that this is in Letter Format for the story. Thanks

-MixMassBasher

4892612 You could talk about Nyx's irrational fear of bushes.

4892644 That could work. Any others?

4892703 Her seemingly fervent addiction to soup

4892796 Sure. But i'm looking for like scenes in the story to poke fun of.

4892837 Hmm, her secretly liking putting on makeup in the scene where she remeets the Crusaders

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The tone of the story is pretty serious. There's not really much to poke fun of. Pinkie does some decent 4th wall stuff. There's also the scene where the CMC hide in a serving platter in order to sneak into the castle. Some humor could be made of Nightmare Moon's less-than-eternal night wreaking havoc on the weather maybe. Or her frustration at being the only grown-up in Equestria without a cutie mark. Or better yet, on Trixie's failed attempt at wielding the Element of Magic. Maybe something about the life-size Twilight plushie. Or Fluttershy being turned into a tree.

And then there's always this moment...

But honestly... just look at the story's cover art. Does that really speak "comedy" to you? Twilight has a hangman's noose around her neck. It's a serious story.

4892612 I can't think of specifics. But perhaps you could expand your search to the sequels.

Actually, I do have an idea. Perhaps you could use the play that the kids did and reenact that play. But these are children after all, so reenact the play with the actors messing up allot and going out of character and stuff like that. I mean, it's revealed that Diamond Tiara does exactly that.

Recon777 mentioned how it's hard to poke fun at something so serious. So I figure, why not turn the serious into fun. Mention the Children of Nightmare and their illogical love for Nightmare Moon. When adult Nyx is protecting Ponyville during the monster attack, perhaps you could find a way to poke fun at how she split herself up like she did. Maybe after defeating a couple monster, those to version of Nightmare Nyx spend a little time talking with each other. There's also a point at the end after Luna had absorbed Nightmare Moon's magic back into her when Luna now has a much bigger form with a much bigger mane with more detailed stellar objects, and much bigger wings (I think). Poke fun at that. Perhaps even use something like Celestia suddenly feeling inferior to Luna's size (yet Celestia still would have a larger flank). And the fic spent a few times referencing Celestia's addiction to cake. And at the end, Luna has a servant sent an entire cake to Celestia's room. I certainly can see some fun in that.

In my opinion, a good sign of a writer is someone who can find comical elements in something as serious as Past Sins.

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Yes Thanks for the feedback.

And actually i have managed to make fun of such a serious story. Just read what i have written thus far.

4893453 There is also the part where tia tries to head off the problem of a return of Nightmare Moon in which she all but rips a kid out of its parents arms. Knocks said kid out with a sleep spell because the evil Nightmare Moon shouldn't be hollering for her mother. After she personally hands off Nyx to Spell Nexus , she PERSONALLY provides the power to finish the spell to restore Nightmare. After a mere week Nightmare shows up at the castle and schools tia, hours later Luna gets the same treatment. Except Luna gets sent to the moon again instead of the sun like tia.

There is other stuff but this is pretty much the biggest pile of mud and SH&^ to drag cakeflank through, especially since she built this pile herself

4893453 Yeah, you've managed to poke fun so far. But don't forget that you're still in the part of the story that is still in the lighthearted phase.

4894271 So with the recent chapters of Nightmare Moon's takeover. I decided that I would play with a little dark comedy. So is it funny?

5084883 Yes it is

You can poke fun at nightmare nyx being afraid of lighting.

4893208 Nightmare-Senpai, notice us!

Dear Twilight, I've sent Tia to the serious room for a few hours our time, but to her it will be a lot longer.
Princess Luna

Dear Tia, This is me being serious. In fact this is my serious room. It’s where I come to be serious. That table is the most serious table I could find. I looked at many, many tables. Hundreds of tables, the specific number of tables I looked at isn’t as important as the understanding that of all the tables that I looked at, this one is the most serious. I relate this story to impress upon you the extent to which this is the most serious room I have, which is why I sent you here. You took a filly from her mom, which almost made her destroy Equestria. You’ve got no respect for the bond between mother and child and I just can’t have that. It’s time to get serious Tia, no jokes, no games. Outside of this room I might be more tolerant of those things, but now we’re in the room. Which is why I’m subjecting you to the most serious punishment I can think of: One hundred, billion, trillion years standing here in the serious room. Perhaps after that we can talk about the severity of your actions and whether you’ve learned anything, but until then, serious room. GO.”
— Luna

Dear Luna, I will do whatever it takes to ensure my rule.
— Celestia

“WOAH. Did we not have the talk? Are we not in the serious room THIS VERY MOMENT? Did I not tell you how many tables I looked through? I’m going to be conservative and say that it was in the tens of thousands of tables, any reasonable pony would say I spent too much time tables. And I genuinely considered each one too! I took a hell of a lot of notes! I kept the notes in a different room, that room is less serious than this one. It’s more of a… *sigh*… a notes room. Again, the point of this story is to convey how serious I feel this tyranny issue is. And I’m sure you’ll agree with me once you’ve fulfilled your new punishment: INFINITY YEARS IN THE SERIOUS ROOM!! I generally have trouble reading your emotions but I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that you’re devastated by this crippling new punishment. As well you should be, it’s the most serious I could think of. Can you get more serious than that? No. You can’t. Don’t try.”
— Luna

Luna, you can't keep me here. I will Get out and sent you and Nightmare back to the moon for this.
— Celestia

“Hm, still no effect. The problem is clearly the serious room, it isn't serious enough. That's on me, Tia, I apologize. I'm going to the store to go look through more tables, hopefully I find one that conveys how wrong what you're tying to do is. Now where did I put those notes...”
— Luna

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Well all of your suggestions have been useful in completely my Past Sins Parody.

Link Here:https://www.fimfiction.net/story/268923/letters-from-across-the-disgruntled-multiverse

Thank You. Now. I'm talking story suggestio's on what story I should parody next.

Link here:
https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/667170/update-on-letters-from-across-the-disgruntled-multiverse#comment/4172990