"The disciplinarians" by EileenSaysHi

In every magical girls/superhero teens story there is always someone who has to clean after the mess of every incident right? After Sunset and company defeat Midnight sparkle and save the world, Celestia has to face an even more fearful monster: The PTA and a caped superintendent with a stupid goatee who threatens her livelihood. While she may not have magic powers unlike her alicorn princess self, she has the power of experience, sisterhood and surveillance cameras on her side.

The SoL tag is associated by many people with the word boring, however this fic works as a reminder about why that simply is not true. So how about we take a closer look to see why?

In order to do this, I will take apart this story in a painless and spoiler free (as possible!) manner by taking a closer look into its characters, the dialogue and the plot: its Writing; Pointing out the potential/existing themes, and the authorial intent: the Observations; Analyzing the flow, prose, tone and pacing: it's Readability; Watching out for potential grammar flaws: the Technical side; And how the first impressions of the story draw the attention of potential readers: the Hook. 

All the ingredients that make a story W.O.R.T.H it.

Let's start from the bottom: the Hook.

H:ook - 8

Going in blind, the title, ambiguous as it can be, points at what the characters in this story are as well as where the focus of the story would be. The short description uses a common device to pick the reader's curiosity, a question. “Can she outwit a vindictive superintendent?” I don't know, can you? I ask the boring looking Celestia on the cover art. I'm sure she will, because authors always find a way, but she doesn't look too worried, annoyed almost.

The message is clear as day, the outcome was decided from the start, and as always the ride is what the reader is for, not the destination. The initial hook isn't a particularly powerful one and that's completely fine because it fulfills its other role perfectly; It screams Slice of Life, letting the readers know what to expect.

What makes sure to catch the reader's attention however, is the premise itself, strong enough to carry the reader all the way to the end of the story and see Equestria Girls through the lens of the real world. Stuff we as the spectators probably never considered but in universe would have plenty of side effects. Basically worldbuilding that the movies brush aside. One of the main attractions of writing in the Equestria Girls setting is all of its lost potential that can be scavenged, and the concept of this fic takes full advantage of this.

T:echnical - 10

Sans very minor nitpicks and grammar stuff not worthy of elaborating on, the author showcases a competent grasp on grammar rules. Perfect dialogue punctuation and no glaring flaw that gets in the way of reading. Which means perfection in my book.
R:eadability - 10

<I seize this opportunity to mention that after reading this story almost a dozen times I realized that the tone should go here instead of in O:bservations. Thus this is where it will be discussed from now on. Having said that, let’s continue.>

This is a really easy story to read. Not because its prose is simple, no. The opposite actually. Is easy because it is really well accomplished and seamlessly molds itself into the kind of story it serves to. It makes an extensive use of showing and not telling. Paired with the fact it uses Celestia as the POV character it manages to effectively show us what's going on inside her head at all times. Thus, the writing was very clear on what it tried to convey, what emotions to convey. We can clearly tell stuff like both of the characters' relationship even before either of them speak to each other just by Celestia's description alone.

But how do you prevent a story with the drama tag on it from becoming too serious? With the comedy tag of course. Telling the readers they should laugh because the story is totally funny because it says so on the tags never fails. The author here goes beyond that though, and makes the story actually funny, adding elements of levity like Celestia description of Neighsay, the mental picture of a superintendent wearing a red cape and collar or Celestia acknowledging her accidental child labour. Funny stuff (All of the aforementioned elements, not child labour).

O:bservations - 10

<Caution: You are about to enter the most subjective section of the review. The author of this review is not responsible for any slips or misinterpretations of this story. Potential author's death may lie ahead. Proceed at your own risk.>

This story I believe isn't trying to tackle a topic in particular or has any overarching theme that ties everything together. Rather, it pursued the noble goal of making a character justice, principal Celestia in this case. She doesn't have wings, a horn, magical powers worthy of a horse goddess or even a flowing mane, but she is just as resourceful. As inexperienced as she may be at dealing with magical mishaps, she sure is experienced at keeping the TPA at bay and dealing with administrative matters even when her job is on the line. There's a reason she is still sitting in her office even after the events of the first three movies, and I believe that's what this fic tried to showcase first and foremost. 
Come to think about it, maybe the theme is the experience Celestia acquired along the way of her whole career.

This section would be incomplete if I didn't touch on one thing that became a divisive matter among the readers: Celestia’ scheme, which at first sight does seem like a morally questionable plan based on blackmail to save her own skin. But with more scrutiny I do not believe this to be the case at all. Not only was there explicit blackmail going on but the whole point of her plan was not only to deviate the attention towards Neighsay, but to make a point. He would become the scapegoat instead and also the original problem would only be made worse. They needed her. Yes, maybe the only reason why they didn't resort to blackmail was because it wasn't effective enough, as seen near the ending in the dialogue with Luna. But at the end of the day her hand was forced as she was being subjected to disciplinary action for something she had no real control of by someone who doesn't have the best interests of the students in mind. And considering both her work and the administration of CHS was at risk, there was no really other way out. This makes her sympathetic because it's easy to put oneself in her shoes and realize how unfair the situation really is. 

But we will dwell on characters later. And by later, I mean now.

W:riting - 10

Best for last as it usually goes. This is by far the most meaty section of this review and for good reason. Brevity is the soul of wit, of which I have none. 

Also the writing is that good.

And the best writing here by far is that of the characters. Starting with the sun goddess made principal, Celestia.

In the Equestria Girls world we can't help but see Celestia as this type of unreachable figure of authority that while not in the same league as her pony counterpart, is still somewhat disconnected from the rest of the cast. How to fix this? Making her a human and relatable character of course.

Just like her princess self, she is wise, experienced, and characterized as a chessmaster who is two steps ahead, and gives this aura of always having everything in control, but she is still human. Is shown to struggle to keep her cool, backs down when Neighsay blows his lid, and is not even fully confident her plan is going to work. She is flawed, not only because of the aforementioned points on emotions but as far as her decisions as principal goes, not everything was handled well and she knows it and has no trouble admitting as such. Eileen shows us what is beneath that professional and leader like demeanor while staying true to the core of her character, and that works in favor within the SoL genre because it lets us see what's going on inside, what happens behind the scenes. 

But what would be a competent principal without a matching opposing force that lets her most predominant traits shine?

Superintendent Neighsay is the perfect blend of a sunday cartoon villain and an actual EG equivalent of his pony version. What I'm about to say will probably enter the uncharted territory of unpopular opinions but love him or hate him he's a compelling character in this story. He is arrogant, rude and spiteful yes, but he also has legitimate anger as, in his own lawful evil way, he makes a point on one or two occasions. He can hold his own against a seasoned school official such as Celestia in an argument which considering his own position isn't surprising at all. He is also shown to still be reasonable as he ended up conceding although in his own prideful manner. He is not just a run of the mill antagonist for Celestia to own, rather he is actually competent and an actual obstacle for Celestia to surpass and also complex enough to add some nuance to the story because of the arguments he brings. The author took a rather unlikable and unpopular character but still made the effort to respect minimally his portrayal in the story. 

Neither are too perfect or imperfect and that's what makes them both human and thus, good characters that work within their role in this story. Stories about ponies are stories about people as CiG put it after all.

Oh, this is EG, nevermind.

As an aside, it would be unfair for Luna to be overshadowed by her sister once again, and considering her major role in the story she deserves a mention here too. Of course she wouldn't be Luna if she didn't have a devious side to her, and the idea of her being a vice principal at day and an online leaker at night adds another layer of comedy on top of everything. Not to mention the lengths she is willing to go for her sister' sake, doing the dirty work and then having a laugh with her sister. In only a few lines of banter and brief appearance, we can tell she is the Luna we know and love.

Sharply written characters would fall flat on their own without equally sharply written dialogue to boot though, which fortunately isn't the case here. And that is achieved by respecting both how real people talk and how these two characters, in particular, talk.The emotions bleed through the dialogue all over the place and using wording and sentence alone. Celestia is calm and collected even if she isn't, showing her restraint whereas Neighsay lacks this restraint, as anger and spite is palpable on his character voice without overusing exclamation symbols. He also uses particularly formal language and fancy words, and the author nailed his mannerisms. Despite there being several big chunks of dialogue blocks, the author knows where to split them with character action in order to preserve the flow. Strong dialogue is particularly important when it comes to stories whose main focus is two characters arguing too. Who would have told.

What were they arguing about anyway? This is where the conflict and plot of the story comes in.

Neighsay probably doesn't really care that much about the kids (like real life politicians amirite?), considering how he doesn’t hold the kids or their parents in high regards precisely. It is possible he isn't even looking for the greater good but wants to abide by the rules and do what he is supposed to do. In contrast with Celestia who, while not completely upfront and resorting to schemes of questionable integrity, has the safety of the students as her top priority. Pitting two polar opposites of characters is of course, going to lead to a shouting match (even if in this case it's one-sided).

Administrative mambo jumbo is uninteresting. Two school officials duking it out without delving too much into it not so much. In fact it is reader friendly, both in the way the administrative stuff is conveyed and the intensity of the argument itself which makes things interesting because you don’t know what's going to happen, how will this situation end well for principal Celestia. At the beginning Neighsay clearly has the control, both in the points he makes and his aggressiveness, then the tides turn when her plan is set into motion, only for a moment there to fall back onto Neighsay who however, has no other option but to concede. The anger of Neighsay feels real, and he has some good arguments to justify it and back Celestia into a corner. Even with her pre planning beforehand with Luna, Neighsay as already stated is somewhat competent and won’t go down easily, seeing how he is unfazed by the lingering threat of the anger being redirected towards him. Now this makes the fic live up to its drama tag.

The resolution is reached in the most satisfying manner possible, with Celestia reminding both Neighsay and the readers that she puts the C in Canterlot high school, making her case with the most sound argument in her favor using a well throughout plan that was hinted at from the start as a fallback. A plan that from a character standpoint made sense for both Luna and Celestia to come up with it and carry it out.

Solid writing all around.

What can the reader take away from this?

-Simple prose doesn't always equal a simple read. Try and describe what you picture in your mind to the reader as you would to a blind person.
-Slice of life is about human characters, even if they are fluffy quadrupeds. Portray them as such.
-Dialogue is the reflection of a good character’s core. Make it realistic and make it true.
-Luna is always watching.

Conclusion

So, now that we have covered all the basics, and with all scores in mind, it is time for us to answer the initial question, is this story W.O.R.TH it?

This is a very mundane story with very human characters, and as a dime a dozen as it may sound, nothing further from the truth. Is funny and dramatic in equal amounts. It thrives on the subgenres it uses. Equestria girls has always been an underutilized setting and the ending of the franchise left an empty void on some of us fans. But as long as there are stories like this out there, this void will be filled. I laid all the cards onto the table, showing you what works and what doesn't, as well as what you can exactly get out of reading it in order for you to decide. Go check it out for yourself, and see if it truly was worth your time.

Don't forget to always speak your mind to the author though! They always like it.

<But because i'm legally obliged to rate this story in a numerical fashion, this is a 10/10. Terrific job>

Damn, 10/10. And that is a lot of words to spend on this little story, gosh. Thank you so much!

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Aw snap... a review!!!! Shall give it a read!