Welcome to WAR! I am SwordTune, the manager, representative, only employee, and sole proprietor of “We Are Reviews, SP.” Fresh off the factory line, today we have a review of “Cherry Bombs in the Sky” by SunTwi06.

ECherry Bombs in the Sky

• MLP: FiM
• Slice of Life

Fluttershy makes a daring shopping trip during a thunderstorm.

• Fluttershy
• Angel

SunTwi06 · 1.8k words  ·  15  2 · 269 views

Reading Score: 52/100

• Both prose and dialogue are incredibly limited in their capacity. The narration explicitly tells the reader everything that is happening.
• Egregious overuse of ellipses and capitalization
• Onomatopoeia is repeatedly used in place of narrative descriptions about the scene.
• Some of the dialogue does not make sense.
• Overall: With uninteresting and repetitive descriptions, and interactions between characters that are very derivative of the show, I simply never felt compelled to want to read more. 

Plot Analysis: 

The story can best be described as a banal task done in unideal conditions. And that’s hard to say any more about because there is so little to comment on in terms of plot. It’s a very short story, so fortunately the bare hints of a plot appear very quickly, but then it goes nowhere.

Characters: 

Each character with a speaking role, and Angel Bunny, are all locked into their expected cliches to the point of absurdity. Big Mac’s dialogue is written less like a soft-spoken individual and more like a buffoon. Pinkie Pie is a caricature of pure comedic relief that ends up trying too hard to be funny. And Fluttershy, despite being the focus of the story, goes through no changes and maintains her character flaws through to the end of the story.

Dialogue: 

There are a few leaps of logic or just completely awkward exchanges between the characters. They don’t sound like people talking to each other.

Overall:

2/10. The prose ranges from weak to frustrating to read, and without any kind of development or change in any part of the story, the reader is left feeling exactly the same as they started, only a few minutes older. If that sounds like I’m saying the story is a waste of time, I’m fine with that. I won’t refute it. 

For the Author: 

The present-tense prose does not work well here. Not only is the wording awkward, but it also becomes to explicit with how much it tells the reader. I don’t feel like I’m reading a story, I’m told what the story is about in real-time. Furthermore, it doesn’t need to be in the present tense, the story can be completely changed to the past tense and it would at least read a little better. 

But moreover, a story has to be about something. A story with the emotional weight of buying groceries is going to be about as interesting actually leaving to go buy groceries. 

For the Reader: 

Go buy groceries during rainy weather and you’ve basically accomplished more than what this story makes you feel. 

For archive purposes: 2/10