TGreen With Envy

• MLP: FiM
• Romance
• Comedy
• Slice of Life

Trouble is brewing. Either Starlight gets to the bottom of it in time, or she could lose Trixie as a friend... Or worse yet, she could lose two friends at once.

• Trixie
• Starlight Glimmer
• Phyllis

Thesmokinguy · 5.5k words  ·  98  5 · 1.9k views

Summary: Working at the friendship school as student counselor has kept Starlight away from spending time with Trixie. When she finally gets the chance to pay Trixie a visit, Starlight notices that she is acting weirder than usual. In order to save their relationship, Starlight comes up with a plan to find out what is going on with Trixie.

Green with Envy is the story I will be reviewing today, and when I saw the tags, I admit I got excited. I'm a big fan of romance and drama as a genre, and the comedy tag is hit or miss with me. My feelings on this story are actually quite simple and straight to the point. I like Starlight and Trixie as a dynamic. I think as a basic idea with a simple plot that isn't overly complicated. It just works. Granted, some of that does go to the writing, despite being a bit dull at times with things I knew were coming, I was never bored. The story was decent enough all the way through, and I left the story feeling satisfied.

7/10

Relationship drama go brrrrrrrrrrr.
Okay, time to be serious. Relationships are hard, and it's even harder when Starlight is the counselor of the school of friendhship, and doesn't have as much free time as she used too. Starlight is easily able to pick up that Trixie is frustrated, and upset, but doesn't know why at first. It's actually through counselling one of her students, November Rain that she realizes what she needs to do to fix her relationship. While, it was predictable, I enjoyed Starlight realizing her own faults. Often, when in a couple dynamic so often we forget our own failings, or sometimes blame ourselves too much. It's a hard line to walk to be perfect in every way. I know from personal experience that relationships are hard. They are hard because they take time, commitment, devotion, and most importantly trust. If you cannot trust your partner, there is a problem.

Trixie is jealous of Phyllis, which is honestly humorous, but only in the haha funny way, not as a serious drama kind of thing, but I do admire that I felt the mix of all three genres, romance, comedy and drama, made this story work despite the issues it could have had. Drama is a very hard genre to do well. You either don't make it dramatic enough or you become a soapbox, this is referenced to Soap opera's that are so focused on the drama between characters to keep the audience engaged that it becomes dull and repetitive over time. I remember liking Soap opera's when I was very young, watching them with my grandmother and step mom, but I am glad this story avoid following that path.

Ultimately for what this story wanted to accomplish it did, and it did a decent job of telling it's message to the readers. Granted, there may be some of it's audience that this fic doesn't really address, single ponies, but that's not what it wanted to address. Though you could argue that the little bit between November Rain and Smolder was addressing single's, that would be a long shot.

7/10

I saw a few things to point out to the author to help improve their future content.
Paragraph formatting and odd spacing.
Example:

The sweet taste of Trixie's lips sent a shiver down her spine, accompanying the butterflies dancing in her stomach. Nothing that she could have ever imagined came close to it. Starlight's tongue eagerly made its way throuTrixie's mouth, as she instinctively let Trixie fall from her magic's grasp and into an embrace of her hooves.

Between her moans, she could hear Trixie's heart beating as if it was going to burst out of her chest. The magician's body felt stiff too, as she awkwardly partook into the kiss. Slacking the pace, Starlight snapped her tongue out of its frenzy and pressed Trixie against her, gently caressing her white silky mane. Soon, Trixie's body loosened and her heart slowed down. Starlight felt a pair of hooves around her neck, as Trixie slowly melted into the kiss. Both mares went into a trance, the world disappearing around them. There was nothing but the two of them. And it was perfect.

“Says the crazy mare lover?” smugly retorted back Starlight.

Correction "Says the crazy mare lover?" Starlight smugly retorted back.
Just sounds better this way, it's a minor nitpick though.

“There is still one loose end left. More specifically, a pony trapped inside my office that requires my help, before he becomes Smolder' s new punchbag. It's another problem caused by my negligence that I need to fix. It won't take long, I promise.”

"Smolder's" not Smolder 's.

6.5/10

Trixie: Over the top, flamboyant, ego driven, but full of heart and passion. These are the things that describe Trixie. She is terrified of letting others down, so she enjoys showing off her magic to the crowd as a sort of coping mechanism for all the bad things that have come her way. However, you never really see Trixie frown, so seeing her upset in this story was something we don't always see, and considering she's upset at Starlight, makes the characterization even more on point. Good job with her.

Starlight: Mature, intelligent, resourceful, has a tendency to use magic to solve her problems, rather then the logic normal way. Starlight isn't exactly how I pictured her here, but considering she's going through a dilemna of not knowing what to do regarding Trixie, it works. I just wish Starlight could have realized the problem sooner than she had. It was clear she knew she wasn't spending enough time with Trixie, but it took a student for Starlight to really understand the gravity of the situation she was in. Sometimes, love can be blind. Starlight loves Trixie, and this is clear by how much she tries to make time for her, despite being busy as the school's counselor. However, because of that love, sometimes we fall igorant to the very needs of the ones we love. I like that this is addressed in this story, because often time it is overlooked, or underplayed how serious it can be. Thank you.

8/10

This story despite it being a decent read, isn't really anything new. I can't really give it much points for originality. However, the execution also feels just good enough to not be bad. Like it feels like it was rushed to meet the deadline for the prompt it was based on. I can pinpoint to how quick the story feels, or how easy the resolution is, but ultimately the ending still felt RIGHT.

6/10

I enjoyed this story for what it is, a simple premise with a simple and not overcomplicated solution. The jealous angle with Phyllis was amusing at first, but it would wear itself dry if it went on too long, so for this being a ooneshot like it is, it works as a decent piece. I'd recommend it to any StarTrix lovers, or heck, even if you just like romance, drama or comedy. It's not anything over the top, but it's definitely worth a glance.

Final score:
7+7+6.5+8+6=34.5/50
8.6/10

Headpat worthy: Yes.

Boop worthy:

Needs work:

"This is the perfect opportunity to introduce Trixie to the underrated delight that is pineapple pizza."

This is the best line of the story.
Fight me.

<For archive purposes: 8.6/10>

"This is the perfect opportunity to introduce Trixie to the underrated delight that is pineapple pizza"

glares

Marvelous review as always! It made me happy to see you go so in depth with my story.
Your thoughts and commentary about the romance made me consider things i haven't thought of before, even unintentionally. Notes taken for the grammar mistakes.
Will take that headpat with glee, thanks again for the review!