Welcome! Today I will be reviewing Limerence, by Bicyclette. A CocoLuna story, which itself is unique enough to warrant substantial attention.

TLimerence

• MLP: FiM
• Romance
• Drama

Helping an aspiring fashion designer with her crush, the Princess of the Night is reminded of a love she had left behind.

• Sex
• Death
• Luna
• Coco Pommel

Bicyclette · 13k words  ·  64  10 · 775 views

In the Dreamlands, the Princess of the Night meets a young fashion designer named Coco Pommel, drawn to her passionate vision of sparkling white and brilliant diamond and rich indigo. While helping her learn to speak her feelings to the mare of her dreams, Luna is reminded of a mare from her own past. One that lived and died a millennium ago, in an Equestria far different from that of the modern day.

Quite the fascinating summary. Well, let's get into it. As usual I'll be giving my opening thoughts, rating the story in five categories on a scale of 1-5, with 3 as the average, then giving closing thoughts and final score. Spoilers abound, so take caution, my friends.

When I went into this story, I didn't know what to expect, other than knowing that Bicyclette had recommended it to many people to read. Seeing that it was CocoLuna was a shock, and getting into the depths of it even more so. At first it seemed like a rising, happy story, with just a twist of darkness, of palpable angst, as Luna's history acted upon her thoughts. It provided a substantial amount of world-building, including the fascinating concept of both the Sisters previously having had a Convent, something akin to a set of concubines for breeding, except they loved them deeply, every one. Coco's similarity to the most recent of said lovers acted to keep Luna from acting the way she wanted. I thought that perhaps she would get past that, and they would get together.

...oh, was I wrong. Indeed, were it not for how it might spoil it, I'd say the story demanded a tragedy tag, for not only do they never get together, there is a strong hint that Nightmare Moon might overtake Luna again should she pursue it. Indeed, with the dark ending to Part III I thought that very thing was happening, only for it to be clear it was naught but a warning.

Bicyclette's command of English is perfect, with nary a typo or missed quotation mark. Only the occasional bit of double-spacing keeps me from tossing a 5 onto this category.

Tragic romances might be a dime a dozen, but CocoLuna stories are a true rarity shining among the stars. Plucking even one idea out of the aether is difficult. Given the nature of the world-building this story well deserves its high score.

Brilliantly executed, this story made fantastic use of its 13,430 words. Rarely was there a point where I had to stop reading and go "why did this happen?" which occurs all too often in stories that waste their potential. But this one did not. It kept catching me by surprise, and the scare at the end of Part III had me terrified, and I couldn't stop reading. However I do feel that the scene with Nightmare Moon appearing to take over felt almost too real, to the point that when nothing seemed to come of it at first in part IV I was genuinely confused, until I read the last part and realized what had actually happened, that it was but a dream warning what would overtake Luna should she give in to her desires. I also thought the character of Rose was spectacularly written, at first seemingly just an especially vivid memory that swiftly transformed into something far more villainous in Part III, uttering such inanities as ponies serving as naught but breeding stock for alicorns and yet sounding so sincere that it was horrifying. Being seemingly the remnant of the Nightmare made it all the more chilling.

The prose here is slender, squeezing the utmost out of what details it does choose to indulge in without wasting time describing anything non-essential. The result is something akin to a vibrant couple waltzing in a room of shadows, casting the occasional light on whatever bits of scenery mattered without wasting any time on anything that didn't. There is one aspect I'd like to simultaneously praise and critique: the use of French. While fairly sparse, and used in a manner that well complimented the scenes it appeared in, I still found myself having to look up the terms to understand, which drew me out of the story. That said it's also such a key part of the author's style I see no reason to change it, as the good far outweighs the bad.

Oh my yes did I enjoy this. I wasn't sure I would, as Coco Pommel, while adorable, isn't necessarily a pony that frequently stirs my interest, while Luna always make me just a little hesitant, as some authors delight in either filling her speech with far too many thees and thous and nonsense or--worse--making her sound like a little girl that's surgically attached to her big sister "Tia." And while this story did have Luna say Tia once, it was only once rather than overused, and thus actually worked well for once as a nickname. The story carried me through from start to finish like a proper pageturner, making me eager to see what would happen next. The only reason this isn't a 5 is that the story had a tragic end. I know why it did. It makes sense and fits the story perfectly, but... I wanted them to get together, gosh darn it, and it's always sad when such a thing fails to be.

Closing thoughts: Reading this story reminds me of many relationships I've had in the past, particularly during the sequences when Luna remembered her lovers prior to Rose. I've gone through quite a few, and save for my current one, nigh all ended in tragedy in one way or another, be it me being dumped or dumping someone else to us falling apart from arguments or, in one case, a stupid mistake. I remembered times I convinced myself I too should be alone, that trying to find a love was pointless. Seeing that reflected by Luna was more than a little haunting, especially with the superb way Bicyclette brought her voice to life. I've also been the one interested with someone who by all rights should've said yes, only to turn me away and deny me forever, as Luna did to Coco. I'm sure she had her reasons, but it still hurt.

And yet despite the relationships ending badly, this story still celebrates love. It still holds up love as something to strive for, as a natural good, and only those who cannot handle it would see it as bad in any way, as it is for Luna's sense of control. There were so many good little details I haven't touched upon either, like Rose's ultimate fate, but I don't want to spoil everything for a potential reader. Go on and give this one a shot. I highly recommend it.

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coming back to reread this review, and i can't tell you how much it means to me, Dews. thank you so much for these wonderful words that were a joy to come back to this evening.

the use of gratuitous French is definitely something i do more for myself than the reader. but if the writer i am now were writing the story now, i think i would have artfully included enough context for any untranslated French terms for the reader to know that they are not missing anything. it is a legitimate critique! (though i would def keep it in any Rarity dialogue i write because hey it's Rarity)

I also thought the character of Rose was spectacularly written, at first seemingly just an especially vivid memory that swiftly transformed into something far more villainous in Part III, uttering such inanities as ponies serving as naught but breeding stock for alicorns and yet sounding so sincere that it was horrifying.

this was by far my most favorite part to write, so i am very glad it stood out to you as well! how much dream-Rose's statements reflect the real Rose is up to the reader, but i like to think of it as extremely accurate and, if anything, understating the depths of her devotion

And yet despite the relationships ending badly, this story still celebrates love. It still holds up love as something to strive for, as a natural good, and only those who cannot handle it would see it as bad in any way, as it is for Luna's sense of control.

it is very interesting! i actually wrote Luna as someone identifying with her reasons. it is the very beauty and goodness and power of love that make turning away from it for the sake of others all the more meaningful. but i can definitely see why this point of view would not sit well with many. maybe you've diagnosed Luna all too correctly here! this is quite a review, to make me think about my own story more deeply, and if that's not the sign of a great review then i don't know what is