Longdesc
In the Dreamlands, the Princess of the Night meets a young fashion designer named Coco Pommel, drawn to her passionate vision of sparkling white and brilliant diamond and rich indigo. While helping her learn to speak her feelings to the mare of her dreams, Luna is reminded of a mare from her own past. One that lived and died a millennium ago, in an Equestria far different from that of the modern day.
Info
Idea to write CocoLuna inspired by RDT's Broken Promises at a Hearth's Warming Eve Pageant.
Credits
Thanks to Jarvy Jared, Sledge115, RanOutOfIdeas, RDT, and Thought Prism for prereading the first draft, with especial thanks to Mike Cartoon Pony.
Chapters (4)
I'll leave another comment down the line, but this is nothing short of beautiful.
Part I:
"and Rarity could see how the brilliant cyan of her mane, reflected in the cyan of her eyes that seemed now as deep and as refreshing as a waterfall pond on the hottest summer day."
Did something go missing near the end there? How the brilliant cyan of her mane reflected etc., did or was what? Or is there s fault in the wording earlier than the end? Or am I missing something?
Part II:
"She is the same age as we were when we met!"
"She is the same age as I was when we met!"? Or am I missing something?
I wonder what it means, that the Rose in Luna's dream misremembered how Rose caught Luna's eye? Hm. Unfortunately, I'm very low on time at the moment.
Part III:
Ah. And then the start of this may be the answer to that question, or part of it...
...WELL NOW. That was an unexpected twist to the chapter end!
Part IV:
Oh, huh, and then a twist back.
...This story feels simultaneously actively satisfying and like it should feel actively unsatisfying, to me at the moment at least. Fascinating. And well done, I think! :)
Sadly, I'm quite low on time (When I mentioned looking forward to your stories, I didn't expect you to drop so many words at the same time. I mean, I enjoyed them all, but they did rather eat into my schedule! :D), so don't have much more elaborate commentary at the moment, but thank you indeed for writing!
The rise of Cocoluna makes my heart sing.
So, this is probably the best piece of yours I've read, by a wide margin. And also probably the most emotionally gut-wrenching exploration of Luna's relationship with love and loss I've ever read.
Oh shit
Oh this was certainly not the way I was expecting this to go. But I loved it all the same.
Top marks.
~Reggie
Ah, fuck.
Anyways, this was a phenomenal start to the story, Bike. I like the vivid emotions in the opening, really sets the stage for the rest of the story. I will say that Coco doesn't particularly feel like she has equal footing with Luna here in terms of character focus - but that is the point, isn't it?
I can't believe you've done this.
Something about this is striking, you know. How Rose just... disappeared in history. It's a fate that's befallen so many throughout our own, yet it still feels just as sad here.
The contrast between Coco's naivete and Rose's experience is palpable. Or at least, the image of Rose in Luna's memories. How we remember only the best parts out of them, and so often forget to paint the full picture.
This is beautiful. Luna's reminiscence of all who she left behind, all those who have passed... truly the cost of what she has, her immortality. It paints such a vivid image of them even though they are nothing but names.
This is my personal favourite passage out of this chapter, really. Bravo!
Apart from that, the sheer amount of character we see from Celestia and Luna here is nothing short of a masterclass. I love it.
oh fuck
I wish I had words here. But... damn.
The entire final sequence was intense as all hell. How this all unravels, both Luna and her memories, how a chorus of voices guides Luna to confronting her past.
It's powerful.
Coming back to this... what else can I say, really?
It's a masterclass in tragic romance. Character and events intertwining so deeply, so intricately that... god, I don't know what to say. Everyone here feels so rich, so alive, but none more so than Luna, from her experiences, her views to the pain she feels so keenly.
Very, very good work, my friend. Loved this story, despite how much it broke my own heart.
Greetings! Have a review!
All in all, thanks for writing this story!
10889484
Thanks so much for the review!
The idea for this story is superb. I'm impressed by how impressed this made me. It is a federal crime that this doesn't have more views.
It’s because they share the same voice actor, of course.
Anyways, so far, I’m really liking the reasoning for why Luna doesn’t usually visit Manehatten, she can’t be everywhere at once, and her avoidance of Manehatten helps her manage her time better.
I saw a bit of a movie once at my grandparents’. It was a movie about a girl who contracts amnesia from getting in contact with freezing cold water. The main character of the movie took advantage of the situation by making her fall in love with a man she never truly knew. I don’t think I ever learned the name of that film, but when Luna was talking to Coco as Rarity, I expected it to go that direction.
I can clearly see that the story did not go in that direction. While I personally think that a story like that might make for interesting reading material, this story uses a different concept, and draws a lot more emotion from its different concept.
It’s very interesting to read this story and realize that Luna simply went through an intense Heroic BSoD and simply never recovered. If the ending is anything to go by, she still hasn’t recovered because she simply can’t open up no matter how many times she tells herself to do so.
I especially love Rose (or Luna’s projection of her), who I feel like I relate to so much for reasons that the story is not intending me to relate to her. Her lines about wanting to be remembered more than just a footnote in a history book nopony reads just really hit me, because I would like to be remembered, too.
Overall, this is a very good and emotional story that takes a simple concept and does it exceptionally well.
I was going to comment at the end, but there's so much I wanna talk about that I felt I should comment here.
The showcase of Manehattan and how Luna tends to not dreamwalk there is interesting. She values individuality, that every soul is unique, that every heart beat just a little differently. It's a really deep characterization that sticks with Luna throughout the story.
Coco and her initial dream about Rarity is interesting because it can imply many fears. She could fear that Rarity will reject her, she could fear not saying anything before it's too late, memories of Suri could be still on her mind. Luna also being a product of the time is something not many stories take as far and do as well as this does. Rarity's designs not striking a chord with her is a detail I love.
The big thing this story has going for it is Luna and her past relationship and how it conflicts with her current one that's flourishing. When Luna talks with Rose, you get a real sense of how big an impact she left on Luna from how she doesn't feel like Luna for most of it. The one line where a bit of Luna slip in is the remark Rose makes about the three lines in the Archives, like Luna's upset over Rose's small mark in history is soaking into the vision of Rose. Speaking of that, the part Luna thinks about how much if a historical footprint would satisfy her is just amazing.
Coco presenting Luna with the dress made me tear up a bit. She put so much effort into it, her heart is bleeding in every word she speaks, and it shakes Luna to her core. But, yet again, she puts Coco off from fear of her emotions and a dedication to someone that Luna's eyes, deserves all of her love, even in death.
Lastly, I wanna comment on Celestia and Luna's conversation about immortality and mourning. Celestia states that alicorns like them don't mourn the sane way regular ponies do, that they only remember the good times from when they were alive, and ignore the pain of then having departed. She cites a reason for this being they couldn't function otherwise, with everywhere they went being a graveyard, and while she's partly right, it's clear Celestia is speaking from her own experiences. She doesn't remember how she felt about the ponies close to her in the past beyond joy because, and this is probably a reach, she spent so many years isolated from close relationships waiting for Luna. The closest thing she had were her students, and the ones like Sunset clearly effect her. So while she's right that she doesn't mourn for regular ponies in the same way, given she spent her years mourning over Luna, the princess of the night doesn't have the 1000 years of conscious repression. So the memories of Rose are still quite vivid, and her loss still stings.
Quick aside before I end this, the list of Luna's past companions was just lovely, and how she described them, it makes each and everyone feel special. Feels like I'm heading into something serious, and I'm excited to read more.
In retrospect, I probably could've made this all one comment, but oh well.
This ending was incredible. The intensity of Rose's love is clear, but there's something off about the whole thing. Rose keeps trying to convince Luna that she is greater than the mortals she granted love to. That they were all just droplets in the mist. It's an obsession that you can see faintly in both Rose and Coco earlier, but this is on a whole other level.
She moves on, discussing how modern ponies have become spiritually poor, but Luna can save them. Bring them a greater purpose in a larger chain. It becomes clear Rose is just an attempt by the Nightmare to grasp Luna once more. She won't be the secondary that she once was, as the Nightmare says, believe it has already won.
Even the Princess of the Night can dream. And so dream she shall.
It's just such a wonderful subversion. It doesn't feel out of place with the themes and it doesn't feel completely from left field either. If you look closely you can hints of the toxic worship in their love, both Coco and Rose, though the latter may be Luna's memories being corrupted. It's such a cute and tender story, that has this sickening other side to it. But that's just life.
Absolutely stunning, writing was on point, characters were fantastic, and the conversations with Rose really like two ponies from a millenniums past. Bravo!
I really like this interpretation of how Luna sees the dreams of ponies in the Dreamland and how that impacts not only her job but her own vision of herself. And Coco's sudden speech, spilling out everything the moment she can force herself to talk, it explains perfectly why her dreams have been like this before Luna's intervention. I also love Luna, and this interpretation too.
Rose, uh? Let's see where this goes.
Luna going over her past friends and loved ones is something I honestly don't see a lot in stories, but his one is great, not only because of the why she looks for them, but also where and how much she wants to know. And whichever way she chooses, it has it's own way of hardship.
Celestia's form of mourning hit kind of close in a weird way. It looks like she has created an entire philosophy to cope with the feeling of loss of her students, and as Luna demonstrates, she only thinks primarily on the positives of her method, not the downsides.
That last bit with the renovation of the castle derailed me from the story, but that last sentence hits pretty hard for Luna.
Well, this explains a few things I was wondering.
Rose always felt too "alive" for a memory, even if augmented by an alicorn brain, but this explains it. Seems like the Elements didn't do a very good job cleansing Lulu, and Coco unintentionally caused too much of Luna's past to come out. Curious to where this'll be going now.
I'd like it to be known that I am eating dinner right now and, with a mouth full of chicken and rice, I miserably (unrelated to the story type of misery) mumbled "Coco?"
Anyway hoo-wee. Your writing sure is something, ain't it? The way you write is so flowy and fun to read. I love your prose, and the characterization of these... well these characters. I find myself intrigued in the plot of the story, and I also found myself so enthralled in that last bit that I, too, forgot it was Luna acting as Rarity and not just genuinely Rarity.
Can't wait to keep reading and see what you've got in store for us. That sure was quite a cliff hanger. I'm glad I get to just hit next chapter
Oh damn.
Oh no!
Oh fuck.
Yet another intricately woven and, dare I say, fantastic chapter. The pieces we are getting of this Rose and how Luna seems to just want to know what happened because she's hung up about her are being revealed to us with such great pacing. I find myself wanting to just keep reading, and so I will. I'll keep the comment brief because I want to know what the last sentence means.
By the way. Great cliffhanger. This story is really good, I can see why people are raving about it in comment club. As in the last chapter, even just the word choice in the narration makes this feel very Luna-esque. I envy people who can write eloquently enough to write a good Luna. You are one of those people.
Damn. Well, I was wondering why on earth Rose actually felt like something more than just a memory. I mean, hot damn. I was expecting some kind of,,,, I don’t know what I was expecting, but it certainly lived up to the hype. I don’t really know what to say here, and I mean that in the best way possible. So, I’m assuming what happened here is that Rose was in fact... Nightmare Moon? And Coco had unintentionally uhhh tapped way too far back in Luna’s memories? I dunno if I worded that right.
Anyway this last bit? Holy hell. Jeez, Bike, you can’t just leave it there. Where’s the rest? Ahaha. Great job, I just really don’t know what to say here so I apologize for my shitty little comment, I’m just amazed. I mean, I heard that this was a good story but come on. Wow.
Howdy, hi!
Oof, right in the hard feels for that one. Ah, but I'm a sucker for a good romance story and despite the tragedy, I still adored this.
The build-up and pay-off of how you interwove the nightmare into the story are just so absolutely fantastic and masterful. Going back it puts the entire story into a different perspective and really shows Luna's struggle through her immortality and continuous loss.
She has any number of lovers, each as important, but with an unhealthy fixation on reliving the past, perfectly shown in contrast who Celestia who can look into the past but not be overcome by it.
Ugh, honestly the prose and construction of this story are just so positively wonderful. The final payoff of Luna not succumbing to her desire due to her own insecurity and warped few of her past relationships was just absolutely tragically poetic and I couldn't think of a better writning of this story playing out.
Absolutely wonderful read Bike.
There are a lot of stories about unattainable love. There are a lot of fics about immortality angst. This is better than its individual parts.
Sometimes, it can be hard to get over a breakup, or even just a crush that doesn’t work out. Some hurt more than others for completely arbitrary reasons.
And the capstone that hold its all together is centering it around the question; is it love if you only love someone because they remind you of someone else?
I think most people would answer no. It skeeves me out, personally. I cannot imagine anyone describing it as true love.
But I cannot imagine anyone describing true love in a pithy sentence. A reason to love someone is a reason to love someone. Wegenerally accept that there are better reasons than others. If the thing you love most about someone is their body, most people would consider that a bad reason to marry them, for example.
Though some reasons are better than others, I don’t think there is a correct reason. If I could tell you the meaning of love in a paragraph or two, then we wouldn't need countless stories untangling its messy reality.
No one has ever lived for a thousand years, but people get older as we age. (Shocking, I know.) And as I get older, I find that things become less new to me. Nowadays, most things remind me of something else, which I can only imagine will get worse as time goes on.
It would be nice if there were a couple paragraphs that I could read that would make all these feelings make sense. But if history has taught us anything, the solutions to dealing with love and aging are not that simple.
This is a story that reminds me why I love stories.
I don’t know what else to say.
10937680
the man in the movie you described sounds awful! and i do not wish to portray Luna or Coco that way. but i m glad to hear that you thought the story worked despite not being what you expected. and the wish to be remembered is definitely relatable. sadly there are no immortal Alicorn Princesses in real life to make such an intimate mark on, and the dry history books are the best-case scenario for us.
10944078
thank you so much for the beautiful comment otter, i am really touched by this praise. i wanted to weave in the themes throughout the piece, not just have them present at the climax, and i am very glad that this was seen and appreciated. the difference between the two Sisters is also something i wanted to emphasize, following the canon's depiction of Celestia as otherworldly and aloof and Luna as angsty and emotional, but deepening both (and it goes deeper than that!). and the compliments on the prose really mean a lot coming from you.
and yes, with the pieces i set up there was not going to be an ending where luna accepts coco's offer, at least, not a happy one. luna's situation is indeed very much intended to be tragically poetic, and i'm really happy that resonated. i guess i write those a lot in my romances!
thank you for reading it.
Congratulations, your story has been reviewed!
Come on down and see the review here.
10886763
oh yes, and that relative lack of focus on Coco is thematic, thus good.
and i just could not resist the VA joke
10886769
that passage did take some refining, and is one of my favorites as well, so i'm glad it resonated. and i know you write a fantastic Celestia and Luna, so hearing that you were impressed by my depiction really means a lot, thank you! i do have a very specific alicorn headcanon, and worry sometimes that because of that i twist the canon alicorns into something unrecognizable.
and the last line's quite an anvil, isn't it? i do rely on those it seems!
10886775
thank you! this is definitely the part nearest and dearest to me, the true thesis of the entire work. if i can only communicate that tension and unease and horror Luna feels, i would have done my job.
10886785
and as before, this coming from a professional Luna enjoyer and depicter makes your words all the more meaningful to me. the image of the story is very vivid and alive in my head, and i'm glad that at least for you i managed to share that feeling. thank you so much for reading, and sharing your thoughts.