My god sometimes I just wanna cry when I get this sad...

TLong-Distance

• MLP: FiM
• Equestria Girls
• Romance
• Drama
• Sci-Fi

Destabilized by Equestrian magic, Wallflower’s world is dying. For its sake, Sunset had to leave forever. All Wallflower can do is hold on to the last connection they still have: the journal Sunset left behind.

• Death
• Sunset Shimmer
• Wallflower Blush

Bicyclette · 14k words  ·  40  11 · 725 views

Neighbor
[Long Distance]
By Bicyclette
Description: Uhhh...the description seems to have been removed and replaced with comments and credits. We don't talk about that. We'll make do with the short description.

Short Description: Destabilized by Equestrian magic, Wallflower’s world is dying. For its sake, Sunset had to leave forever. All Wallflower can do is hold on to the last connection they still have: the journal Sunset left behind.

Before you proceed, please do be warned that there are major spoilers. By major, I mean completely spoiling the story. If you haven’t read it before, I suggest you do so before reading this review.

Initial thoughts
Wait, Wallflower's world is dying? Oh god... Doesn't this mean that the entire world just gets Thanos snapped and Sunset will just...I'm getting sad just thinking about it. At least they have the journal for the last few days/weeks/months/years. Don't kill me okay, I'm genuinely unsure of the timeline here, at least until I read it.

I've read it before, I'm just making it so that I read it from a more neutral point of view, which makes it my first time reading it in this POV.

Thoughts after reading the story
There were times when I had to stop reading the story, it was that powerful.

To summarise, the world of Equestria Girls is dying because of magic. Or at least, the magic is being sucked out and people are not going to be colorful in the next generation even if the world doesn't die. But the story's characters and people think that they're about to die after the years are up, and when magic is completely gone. I got legitimately sad when I read that people stopped giving birth to children so that...that...gah! This is hard to write... So that the children wouldn't have to die early because the world was dying.

Reading the story for the first round, I immediately got sucked into a world of immense sadness for myself, (and my soul, goddammit!), and several lines hit me hard right in the sad feelings, such as

So you’ll only be forty years old when it happens.

The author is really subtle here, not revealing the death part yet in the first chapter. But that makes me think...what happens to all the kids? I feel sorry for them.

She imagined the warmth of Sunset’s hand on hers.

This also hit hard for two reasons. One, it just shows how much Wallflower missed Sunset. Two, Wallflower is never going to be able to hold hands with Sunset ever again. I'm not crying yet, but I swear this story is going to do it to me.

I’m glad that you’re making friends over there, too. You’re really settling in.

Wallflower looked at her own words and couldn’t help but feel a bit of self-betrayal. She wondered if Sunset felt the same about her reply.

What else is there to do?

Sunset’s dot glowed on the page, and Wallflower joined hers to it.

Here we can see Sunset's bitterness and guilt at just leaving Wallflower behind in that world to die, and that she genuinely feels bad about making new friends in place of her old friends. Also, I have a question; why couldn't they just bring 'em all into Equestria? Yeah, I know duplicates and all, but surely something could be worked out. Yes, I know, lives, but it's better than death.

When she opened them again, she saw that both glows were gone, despite her still firmly holding down her pen. Frowning, she turned the page to the next blank one and drew one line, then another, then another, pushing harder with the pen each time until she was almost tearing the paper. No glow. Nothing. Her dread built as nothing she tried could bring the glow back or make anything new appear that she did not write herself. Not different pens, not writing on previous pages, nothing. As far as she could tell, the book in her hands was now nothing more than a bundle of dead paper.

Not knowing what else to do, she screamed.

...I'm not getting sad. No, no, I'm definitely not- MOVING ON

Ooh, whew, that's a lucky break. Some scientists were running tests and disrupted the magic for a bit, not allowing the connection for a while. I almost had a heart attack, and it's only chapter four!

When Celestia spoke, it was the flawed being speaking. “And not just your lives. Everyone’s. Did you know that we considered not telling the world that it was going to end at all?”

Wallflower could tell. She wasn’t talking to her. Not really.

“There was a moral argument for it, you see. When the end comes, it will be too fast to feel any pain or dread, too fast to notice. So why not let everyone live their lives as they always had, ignorant of it all? They would never know. They would just be here one moment, and gone the next. Wouldn’t it have been wonderful, to spare them the anguish? The dread?”

Celestia’s stared off into space for a few moments, before turning to fix Wallflower with her gaze.

“We could have done it, you know. Covered up even the stars going out one by one. A moratorium on professional astronomy, secret satellite networks. Those are the resources at our disposal. That is what they entrusted me with to deal with all of this. That is what is within my power. Can you imagine?“

There was a pleading in her voice that made Wallflower feel uneasy. It did not seem right.

“The only reason we told the world was because it wouldn’t have been enough. Nothing we could do would have been enough to keep them from panicking, from despairing, from knowing that everything was coming to an end.”

Tears welled up in Celestia’s eyes.

“We had no other choice. We couldn’t let the children keep being born.”

The floodgates have opened. I gotta say, this was one of the hardest-hitting parts. "We couldn't let the children keep being born."

I...I understand the morality behind this, but this hurts me deeply. It's gotten so bad, that they didn't want children to be affected by this. God, Bike, WHY?!

Wallflower noticed that the guard scanning her visitor’s pass was a woman this time. It had been something she had noticed more lately, that the pairs of Foundation guards were now usually a man and a woman. Not that it made any difference. It just made the same identical guard come in two flavors.

There's a subtle hint here that I'm not picking up on.

Call incoming: Sunset Shimmer.

Wallflower accepted the call and brought her phone to her ear, more muscle memory than anything. Time seemed to slow down. Her mind raced to steel herself. To lower her expectations. To make sure that whatever came over the phone next would not leave her a sobbing mess in the middle of Twilight’s office. It was all for nothing.

“Wally? Can you hear me?”

YES! Thank you, Bike! You gave me a break from all the sadness- technically this is still sad, but at least I can be happy for the couple because they can at least talk to each other during the last...few...years... oh.

Wallflower just touched the shard around her neck and wondered just how quickly the details of what Cheerilee saw today would fade from her mind without any more exposure to low-level Equestrian magic, just as she doubtlessly no longer remembered her students turning into monsters or growing tails. That Sunset was a pony now? That this other world that would go on existed at all?

Wait, does losing the magic mean that magical things that were seen would be forgotten? Gah, you're making me even sadder...

“No, it’s much better this way. That all they need to be happy is food, water, shelter, and little friends to play with. That they don’t live with dread at the fact that it’s all going to end one day. That they’re not like us. They don’t know the day or the hour.“

...

“You’re taking cuttings for next year?”

“I always do around this time, you know that.” She smiled. “Maybe Pinkie has a point.”

Please, please, please let Pinkie be right and that it's only magic that's gone and that the world will still be there-

Wait, that's even worse. Sunset wouldn't know if they were alive or dead. Even if they were alive...Sunset couldn't talk to Wallflower so she might as well be...

There were no stars now. Just a ribbon of pitch black. A reminder that it was the end of days.

I had to stop here for a moment. I...it hits you really hard, and your emotions are being sent on a rollercoaster. Goddammit, Bike, why.

“Oh, it’ll just be me and Celestia here, seeing things through to the end! We sent everyone else home, to be with their families. Even the guards.” She chuckled sadly. “It’s funny. In the contingencies, we totally expected a breakdown of order as the date came closer. Riots, mobs, assassinations, mass suicides… We had plans for everything except everyone deciding to just go quietly…”

This isn't making me sad, but I just wanted to point out that accepting death is something that is better for everyone honestly, it's just delaying the inevitable otherwise.

She took a pill out of her pocket and held it in her hand. The liquid blue, shimmering even in this dim light, reminded her of Sunset’s eyes. She placed it on the ground, and stomped it into the dirt with her shoe.

“I can’t make her go through that again.”

She turned to Twilight.

“But it’s nice that you gave everyone the option.”

“We thought it was important.” Twilight wiped away a tear. “You know, there must be some who have already taken it by now. We guaranteed twenty-four hours. Before it wears off and they wake up, it’ll all be over.”

Oh god, is this a sleeping pill so that they won't experience it?

“But yeah, all the non-live stuff we have left to send are already queued up. It was really hard for all of us, deciding which books and songs and paintings wouldn’t make the last cut.” She sighed and looked back up, a familiar weight haunting her voice. “But the other Twilight is archiving it all. It’s nice, to think about a bit of our civilization surviving in theirs.”

...god I'm crying now.

“You have to believe, because either way, it’ll look exactly the same to you! Like our universe isn’t there anymore, because the last connection is gone forever. But if this happens, we’ll still be here, just with no magic at all. Twilight said that they could even make the children start being born again. Only they won’t be as colorful as us.” She held her hand out in front of her. “They’ll be peaches and tans and browns. No more blues or greens or yellows. Isn’t that funny?”

An absurd chuckle broke through Sunset’s sobs, to Wallflower’s delight. “That is funny.”

“Can you imagine it, Sunset? I’ll watch the sun go down, and sit here until the very last reds of it disappear into the quiet night. Then I’ll walk to the farmhouse, and have dinner with Applejack and Rarity and their family like it was any other day. Those who have fallen asleep will awake to a world that is still here, and we’ll all go on…”

I...I don't even have words. Bike...you've written a masterpiece here.

Only seconds left now, so why not? She opened up the journal to the front page and wrote. Only ink stained the page. No glow, as far as she could tell.

I’m still here.

She smiled. As far as last things she would ever do in her life, it wasn’t so bad.

But it wasn’t the very last thing.

The very last thing was being overwhelmed by a feeling of joy as underneath her words, the faintest, most imperceptible glow of orange began to trace itself out.

I love you W

...I'm gonna take a break before I finish the review.

Grammar: 9/10

Grammar flowed well, and I could spot no mistakes. Unfortunately, you were just short of the ten mark with one or two flow issues, but good job!

Story/Plot/Pacing:8/10

Bike utilizes the right phrases and words to get the feels to hit hard right in there, making it live up to the tags and the promise of Sadness. A little rushed but works well in the context that they had a maximum of 15k words.

Characters: 8/10

Characters are well done, and grief and sadness were portrayed really well in this story. I applaud you for that, Bike.

Final Ratings and Comments:

8.3/10. Bike has written a masterpiece here, really giving your emotions a ride here. I'd recommend it to everyone, but I'm afraid y'all couldn't take it, so yeah read it only if you're sure you won't cry(you might anyways.)

<For archive purposes: 8.3/10>

Thanks so much for the review, Sin! I am very glad it made you cry a lot

As for the description, I actually never had one besides the shortdesc! I was in such a rush to get it out that I never got around to writing a longdesc, but will write one for the rewrite.

7500897

I am very glad it made you cry a lot

...what

Jokes aside, t'was a nice story to read :)