TA Guardian's Hope

• MLP: FiM
• Dark
• Adventure
• Sad

Returning to Equestria after murdering a princess? Well, sometimes you do not have a choice.

• Violence
• Gore
• Death
• Human
• Alt. Universe
• OC
• Nightmare Moon
• Main 6
• Chrysalis
• Sunset Shimmer

Last Satisfaction · 145k words  ·  27  6 · 726 views

A guardian’s hope is the story of Pepper and Gamine, they find each other in a pickle of a situation right from the start, a committed regicide and now on the run. Pretty big uh?

The story, while surely a good read, has an obvious flaw, the beginning is very hard to understand, you are thrust into a story right in the middle of something extremely big happening and you can’t wrap your head around it. This may make the majority of readers give up on it right there and there.

Unfortunately from there we are left with a variety of mysteries which are answered later one but still too late to make a compelling argument. I won’t go into the details of the story to avoid any spoiler, let’s say though that it does deserve a read at least to finally understand what’s going on hehe.

So what’s in there for the reader? Not much, it is a decent story but not a masterpiece and lacks the narrative because of that beginning which is one of the biggest flaws. Other than that we are left with two protagonists we know nothing of and that is a big challenge for the reader. The challenge is to be involved in what they do, why should we care when we don’t know them at all. Right from the beginning we are in a position where we should cheer for them but we can’t.

There is also the fact that some dialogues could need a little spruce up to sound both less edgy and more entertaining. I know that Pepper and Gamine should sound badass and cool but there has to be a line to be wary of, the line that we see as where “cool” ends and “edgy” begins. 

Overall I say that it has potential but needs an overhaul. That being said we go with the scores.

SCORES!

Core Idea: 8/10 the core idea is original in its unicity, that is a good thing. Not unheard of but still rarely used and so worthy of being praised as glaringly unique. Bravo.

Pacing: 2/10 Needs work, a lot of it. The beginning is the biggest flaw and from there everything else falls off a lot and that’s a real shame.

Grammar: 7/10 It could use some more spruce in articulation and vocabulary but it is overall good and thoughtful, Good job.

Final score: 5.6/10 Not the best, but still better than some really atrocious ones. It needs a bit of an overhaul and it can become a really good read. For the Author, don’t let this pull you down, criticism is useful to know what you need to work on and it is necessary to grow up. 

For the reader, I say you give it a read and see for yourself, maybe it is more in your style then it was with mine. As always I’m far from perfect so feel free to challenge my score in any way you feel is necessary if you feel it is wrong. 

Have a nice day. Firefoxino.

For archive purpouse 5.6/10

Thanks, if you want to talk about it, here or anywhere else, ask me anything!