TMares, Metaphors, and Maybes

• MLP: FiM
• Comedy
• Drama

Cadance and Blueblood try to stave off boredom on a snowy day. Or, at least they try to. Every time the matter of going outside comes up, Blueblood sure finds ways to come up with more excuses.

• Prince Blueblood
• Cadance

Ice Star · 3.6k words  ·  84  10 · 1.5k views

On a snowy Canterlot day, a young Cadance decides her time is best spent pestering her snotty cousin Blueblood about life, love, and undignified nicknames.

Opening Thoughts

Ah, comedy. It’s a complicated thing.

It’s one of those things, actually, that I tend to avoid - at least on this site. It is a genre that is deeply subjective, and one that takes a lot more skill than most people really acknowledge. Just because you’re funny to your friends doesn’t mean you should start doing stand-up, and just because someone lol’d at your joke on discord doesn’t mean you should become a comedy writer. 

Comedy, truly outstanding comedy, takes skill in a few areas. First, you need a funny concept - and not just one long setup for a singular punchline, but something which is funny through and through. Second, you need the right characters to interact with said funny concept, and the ability to write them in such a way that may seem adimensional without being aggravating. Third, you need a good grasp on style; a hilarious joke can be utter crap with the wrong delivery, and in the written word the style is the delivery. And, finally, you need to know when the joke has run its course - in other words, you really can’t beat a dead horse.

In this way, comedy is genuinely one of the most difficult genres out there to nail. Even one of these elements failing can bring the whole house of cards tumbling down! This, of course, is all compounded by a need to be true to the show and the universe… and to appeal to the still subjective nature of hilarity in general.

This is all to say that I have tremendous respect for comedy writers. There’s a reason I don’t often approach the genre as a writer - it is hard. And so, while I’ll need to nitpick, I do so with the utmost reverence for Ice Star’s ability to do what I try to avoid.

Plot/Concept

On a particularly cold and snowy day in Canterlot, a young Cadance spends the day cooped up with her cousin Blueblood. Cadance notices that Blueblood is a little more uptight and frustrated than usual, and manages to get Blueblood to entertain her with the story of his latest romantic failure. 

The “drama” bit of this story comes from the reveal that Blueblood is gay, and needs to keep his identity a secret from his extremely conservative mother. Blueblood flies off the handle about Cadance “not being able to understand him,” but they realize that they have more in common than they previously considered (namely, neither of them likes mares). It’s maybe less drama and more tension, as it doesn’t quite hit the levels of seriousness that the subject could (by the author’s own admission), but it still does a bit to balance the lighter gossip with some heavier genuine feelings.

As a concept, it’s completely sound. This is actually a story that has been on my RiL for quite some time, particularly because the set-up was so good! That said, while the concept is great, there was one element of the execution that let me down a bit: Cadance being so young.

I hate to nitpick on this specific thing, because I am very, very guilty of it, but this story boils down to one of an innocent and a sophisticate. Blueblood knows the world and how unfair it is, and makes an effort to be pragmatic. Cadance, on the other hand, is largely innocent to the world’s complications, and needles Blueblood into being a little bit more adventurous. 

There isn’t anything inherently wrong with this concept, but it’s a common enough trope that it all feels very well-trodden and familiar. I hate to use a phrase like “one-note”, but that’s the feeling I was left with. This story is one thing. It does that one thing well, but it doesn’t necessarily strive to be anything more than its simple concept. 

3 / 5

Pacing/Length

MMaM is a one-shot, and it works beautifully that way. It is short, sweet, and to the point, with most of the word count contributing to banter between Cadance and Blueblood. While the actual back-and-forth kept up a great pace, the story opens on a description of Canterlot in winter, and the reasoning behind Cadence's arrival at the Blueblood “mini-castle” that seems almost too big for what is to come.

What I mean is this: MMaM is a small story, and it delights in the fact that it is small. Personally, I wouldn’t want it any other way - it’s about a short moment between cousins, and really doesn’t need to be any grander than it is. A story like this, in my opinion, would be better served by a “medias res” approach. There isn’t anything wrong with jumping right into the dialogue. In fact, the first few lines exchanged between Cadance and Blueblood cover the same ground that the opening does.

It’s a small thing, but it has an odd effect on the tone. The opening should set the tone for the piece, and talking about Canterlot in winter and an airship ride just doesn’t match the rest of the story.

4 / 5

Characterization

There really isn’t anything wrong with the characterization in this piece. Cadance and Blueblood are consistent throughout, and the simplicity of their characters are well-matched to the concept, the humor, and the length of the piece; three-dimensional enough to care about, but predictable enough to carry out effective jokes.

That said, there’s just something missing. I think, if this story were packed back-to-front with jokes, I’d be willing to accept the way that Cadance is effectively a prop in this story, but the straddling of the line between comedy and drama really throws everything off. It’s odd that Cadance is removed from Blueblood’s conflict, especially when (as Blueblood points out) she’s a newly-minted princess of love. It’s strange that, while she’s angry with Blueblood’s mother, she doesn’t seem to turn any of this conflict back on herself. It’s a great opportunity for a touching moment that is missed.

By comparison, Blueblood feels very rich (and not just in bits). His restraint in talking with Cadance saturates the text, and we understand that this hurts him more than he is willing to communicate to his young cousin. With Blueblood, it is as much what is said as what is not said, and this depiction of Cadance really doesn’t stand up to that.

4 / 5

Writing Style and Quality

I want to use this section to focus on the humor aspect of this piece, as Ice Star’s grammar and style are really not in need of any sort of criticism on my part. Aside from a few buried sentences that got away from him, the writing is in great technical shape.

So. Let’s talk comedy.

While there are many smaller jokes at play in this piece (and I’ll show you a few of them), it’s important to talk about the overall comedic set-up and punchline happening. The best comedies, after all, have a solid framework with space for individual funny moments. Think something like National Lampoon’s Vacation - there are loads of jokes in the movie, but the overall joke is “family road trip gone wrong.”

The big joke in this piece is pretty much what it says on the tin: Cadance and Blueblood are stuck together during a snowy day. 

And, in many ways, that works. Cadance is a messy young filly, and Blueblood is a distinguished gentlepony Going Through It who doesn’t want to be pestered by said messy filly. There’s a lot of grumpiness, a lot of cute kid shenanigans, and all the clashing and bickering ends in a solid payoff.

Here’s where things get a little more subjective - because, y’know, that’s what comedy is. While the overall story is humorous, there were a few jokes that just didn’t really land. I recognize that this could just be me (as the comments seem to enjoy them), but I did want to pull out the two jokes that broke the mood and talk quickly about why.

Here’s the first, a classic case of kid mispronunciation:

“Gracious me, what if I chip my hooficure? Or we get frostbite?”

“Let me guess, next up on the ten worst pony plagues we can get by playing outside is ginger vitalis?”

“Gingivitis,” Blueblood corrected swiftly, running a forehoof through his mane in exasperation. “And no, you don’t get that by going outside. At least, I should hope not. Now shush, I can’t hear myself think.”

It’s cute, but allowing mispronunciation to be the set-up and punchline of the joke leaves this exchange feeling weak. Had this been paired with a bit about the particular way Cadance mispronounces it, you would have had a set-up and a punchline. For example, since this is a snowy day fic, maybe baby Cadance thinks that gingivitis comes from eating gingerbread. Despite the quality of the punchline (it’s bad, I’m not exactly skilled in the art of joke-crafting), this does take the silly thing and give it a resolution.

The other one that didn’t work for me was Blueblood’s rant, for reasons that are much easier to explain.

"You are straighter than that ghastly immortal trend of socks, sandals, and hideous cargo shorts! Or uncookable, unbreakable spaghetti! We have nothing in common that could possibly make you a good matchmaker, and I do not care if you have a heart on your hiney!"

Three things with this:

First, I got stuck for a good while trying to picture a horse wearing socks, sandals, and cargo shorts. It’s definitely funny - I’d be laughing if someone said this in my vicinity - but the humor was killed (for me!) by not taking the time to ponify this. 

Second, there are two conflicting types of examples present: straight male stereotypes, and things that are physically, measurably straight. It gives the rant an odd, broken quality, as it’s hard to transition mentally from one example type to another.

Third… the rule of three.

(And that’s the best joke I’ve got, folks.)

The rule of three is just… one of those things. It’s an unspoken rule with no real explanation - kind of like adjective order - that seems stupid on its face, but man is it accurate. Frustratingly so. Essentially, the rule of three says that things in groups of three are just better. They’re funnier, they’re more effective, they’re more satisfying… see? I’ve done it again. Things in threes work every single time.

But, sadly, Blueblood’s rant ends after only two examples.

I don’t point these things out to say that two flat jokes ruined a whole story. I’m merely using them to demonstrate (a) how hard it is to write comedy, and (b) how, in a good chunk of this story, most of the writing only has the cadence of a joke. It is almost funny, perhaps even funny enough that I think “ah-ha! A joke!”, but not really funny enough to laugh. Just… sorta goofy, silly, and well-meaning. And, honestly, that’s fine. Not every comedy needs to be laugh-out-loud funny - it’s hard. It is so hard. But it is something that let me down a little.

4 / 5

Je Ne Sais Quoi

I think, by nature of reviewing comedy, I have already given a lot of my more subjective thoughts on this story. It was an enjoyable read which had a lot of great moments, and explored a pair of characters which really don’t interact in a lot of fanfic - definitely something that I love in a story. The treatment of Blueblood was fantastic, as he’s one of those characters I always long to see given some depth.

This might be just me, as Cadance is a favorite character of mine, but her role in this story was probably my biggest disappointment. She was just too young to have that familiar snark, and really came off like a prop through most of the story (despite her clear attachment to the subject of love). 

Honestly, it’s a small thing, but it’s also a small story. The small things matter. I think that, as a co-star, Cadance deserved a little bit of character work, as well.

4 / 5

Final Thoughts

The few things holding this story back are not enough to make it not enjoyable. It’s a great comedy with a great heart, and I’m sure it makes for wonderful snow-day reading. The subject matter alone earns my recommendation.

3.8 / 5

7666625

As a concept, it’s completely sound. This is actually a story that has been on my RiL for quite some time, particularly because the set-up was so good! That said, while the concept is great, there was one element of the execution that let me down a bit: Cadance being so young.

I hate to nitpick on this specific thing, because I am very, very guilty of it, but this story boils down to one of an innocent and a sophisticate. Blueblood knows the world and how unfair it is, and makes an effort to be pragmatic. Cadance, on the other hand, is largely innocent to the world’s complications, and needles Blueblood into being a little bit more adventurous.

The age difference was intentional, since increasing it (or vice versa) would make it inconsistent with The Lore™ and that wasn't something I intended while writing. Even if I made that decision going into writing the story, I'm not sure what the change would be, or how a younger (or older) Cadance would have the same appeal. Part of the original conception was getting to visit these two at this point in their development, and having Cadance slowly coming into her ability as the Princess of Love through these smaller interactions. Also, kids are funny. If Cadance is old enough, the story becomes only a drama. If she is too young, it's a rather forced comedy.

First, I got stuck for a good while trying to picture a horse wearing socks, sandals, and cargo shorts. It’s definitely funny - I’d be laughing if someone said this in my vicinity - but the humor was killed (for me!) by not taking the time to ponify this.

Different ponies have worn all of these items at some point, and multiple background ponies have shown different extents of the look. Rarity and Sweetie Belle's dad is probably the closest in terms of resembling the stereotype. I don't think it's a stretch to say that a clothing-based stereotype would be that hard for ponies (and other show creatures) to pull off. (I know you have an M/M story with him, it's on my read it later!)

Essentially, the rule of three says that things in groups of three are just better. They’re funnier, they’re more effective, they’re more satisfying… see? I’ve done it again. Things in threes work every single time.

Bad comedy exists, ineffective comedy definitely does too, yet this is probably the only point in the review where I can't find any agreement. Humor itself doesn't have a prescription, and the main kind I can think of where something like a pattern of three would work is wackier flavors of comedy. Not only did I write a dramedy, but I would also have been forcing the dialogue well past when it would not have worked. Repetition isn't always funny, and can even be quite grating. Pacing makes for better comedy than formulas. Having a duo of characters interact instead of a trio can also be just as funny, and I admittedly get more out of the back-and-forth chemistry of duos compared to the specific situations that trios find themselves in. Even in terms of on-site examples, my favorite comedies are primarily about the antics that two characters get up to. Are there exceptions? Definitely. Yet, in general, I tend to lean towards dialogue that feels natural for characters, and small-grouped comedy chemistry.

Thank you for the review, it was quite the surprise to see in my notification feed after so long.