Aside from self-love being less about sunshine and rainbows than some of us originally thought, the topic of loving someone who doesn’t love themselves is a little more complex than to say "No one can love you until you love yourself."

We parrot this type of hallmark spirituality without realizing what we’re actually saying, essentially telling someone who’s stuck in their wounding that they’re unloved in their mess.

"Welp, you better figure out how to love yourself because until then, you’re on your own there bud!" 😖

This sentiment offers a rigid and heady response to an issue that traces the darkest edges of our own shadow and negates the cold hard truth. 😔

Someone can love you even if you don’t love yourself, but your capacity to receive that love will be extremely limited.

In other words, you could be surrounded by people who love you, but if you’re caught in a story that you’re unlovable, that’s all you’ll see. Your mind will project that unconscious belief outwards and you won’t be able to see the love people extend to you. Another way this will show up, is everytime love is extended to you, somewhere in the dark basement of your ego mind you’ll tell yourself they’re pretending to care when really they don’t.

Our unconscious stories and wounds can program us to keep people at arms length but overtime as we begin to recognize our stories for what they are, receiving love gets easier and our relationships strengthen as a result. In relationships we have to challenge the part of our mind that tries to keep us safe by putting walls up and slowly do the work to let others in. This can be as simple as sharing your fears with your partner or exploring past memories or experiences that may connect the dots for you. You don’t necessarily need to trace back to the origin of your wound to heal it, and sometimes the most important step is integrating radical self-acceptance.

Going deep with another when you have a wound around receiving love requires safety, acceptance and trust.

Thanks for the good words

Not to get preachy, but that truth you expressed can also be found in the Bible. 😀

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A lot of Biblical stuff is fundamentally true on a non-metaphysical level. It's a perfect guide when stripped of metaphysical context, a big guide to "don't mess up". I'm glad someone else pointed it out.

In a psychological context, however, I absolutely appreciate this entire post. It's good to balance the demand for self-adoration with the need for encouragement, rather than to say either "everyone should love you and if they don't they're evil" or "no one loves you because you can't". The reasons people are so self-abhorrent could be traced to chemical imbalance, poor experiences, and a plethora of other things, so it's a very meticulous process as to the specific handling case-by-case. But, the base message here is true regardless: Do not apply fault to yourself that is not yours, and do not apply hatred to yourself based on what faults you have. Every life is and should be lived with self-improvement, and while you must not be lackadaisical in the handling of it, you must likewise not hold yourself accountable for being imperfect, as such a thing is impossible.

Strive for perfection, but find contentment in the excellence.

This is a moral that came into play in the IDW comics, when Sombra reunited with his childhood friend Radiant Hope.

I wrote up the exact words of the last few panels in the Siege of the Crystal Empire arc.

“Once upon a time, there was a young pony who wasn’t like all the others. All he wanted was a friend. And then, he found one. She was the most amazing friend that anypony could have asked for. He loved her, and she loved him, but he didn’t love himself. He was worried he was a monster, and how could anyone ever care about a monster? That’s the thing about friendship, though; your friends are friends because they can see the great things you have inside. They can see past looks, and family, and even your own worries... and they can see the good inside you, even if you don’t see it yourself.”

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I almost forgot! Marcus Warner’s To Build An Army was playing in the video where I first took that excerpt from.

It really hammered the ending home. Two estranged childhood friends reunited for good, one redeemed and looking to atone for his mistakes, while that song was playing?

It was incredible.