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Welcome to the May Pairing Contest!

To spread the idea of creativity to all those on Fimfiction, I've decided to host the May Pairing contest!

Table of Contents
1. The May Pairing Contest? What's that?
2. So what are the rules?
3. How do I know if something is original, though?
4. Is there a word count? Does it need to be a specific rating? What about a genre?
5. When does my story have to be finished by?
6. How do I enter my submission?
7. How many stories may I submit?
8. I just did a story like that a couple weeks ago! Can I submit it?
9. Wait, there are winners?
10. How will these stories be judged?

The May Pairing Contest? What's that?

The May Pairing Contest is a competition to see who can write the best content by using two characters who we rarely see interact with each other in fun ways.

So what are the rules?

The rules are as follows:
1. You may only use two character tags. You're allowed to have other characters in the story, but the plot should revolve around two characters who we rarely see interact with each other.
2. Your story may not include any of the following: OC's, Anon, Self-inserts or non-cannon characters (which means unnamed changelings/gryphons/humans/etc.)
3. The story cannot be a crossover
4. The pairing must be rare if not unique. A story that focuses on Twilight and Octavia is OK, but not a story that focuses on Octavia and Vinyl Scratch.
5. All entries must be finished by the time they are submitted. No incomplete stories, please.

How do I know if something is original, though?

Use your best judgement. If you're not sure, trying typing in the character tags into the search bar and seeing if there are many stories that predominantly center around the two characters you use. Of course, there are bound to be stories that use both tags that don't center around your pairing, so as long as you're honestly trying to use an original pairing, your submission will count.

Is there a word count? Does it need to be a specific rating? What about a genre?

You may use whatever genre or rating you prefer. As for word count... just try not to be over 10k words, OK? It's fine if it goes a little bit over, but please don't write an entire encyclopedia on the comprehensive history of Equestria, featuring Autumn Blaze and Bulk Biceps.

When does my story have to be finished by?

Submissions will go until 11:59 PST on May 17th. 31st, just so we can see if we can get a couple more submissions in time.

How do I enter my submission?

By joining the group, you'll be able to post your story in the May Pairing Contest folder. Feel free to also post it in one of the other folders as well. It also doesn't hurt to put in the long description that you're writing this for the May Pairing contest.

How many stories may I submit?

Literally as many as you want, just so long as they meet all the criteria.

I just did a story like that a couple weeks ago! Can I submit it?

I'll accept stories from 2019, but remember, the point of this contest is to get people writing! The winners will probably be contestants who wrote their story in May.

Wait, there are winners?

Yes. There will be a first, second and third place. Once the contest is over, I will make a "Winners of the May Pairing Contest" folder in the group with those three stories being the only stories permitted. It's also nice to put in the description of your story that you won an award. :raritywink: (Sorry. I'm poor and can't offer cash prizes)

How will these stories be judged?

I will read every story that is submitted and will grade based on the following criteria:

  1. How original is the pairing?
  2. How well is the story written?
  3. How creative is the plot?
  4. How well has it been received on Fimfiction? (This will receive the least amount of consideration, but it is still a factor just so that I'm not the only active voice in the judging)

AND THAT'S IT!

So I hope that all of you participate in the contest, and spread the word while you're at it! My goal is to get as many original stories going on Fimfiction as possible! I can't wait to read your stories. :twilightsmile:

I'll happily write for this. I assume when you say a story may not include OCs, that just means as part of the pairing, or as an important role? I tend to make throwaway OCs for simple interactions, like generic baker pony in Canterlot bakery or something.

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6847166
Yeah, that's totally fine.

I've published a story, just waiting until it's approved so I can submit it.
I don't know how long that usually takes, I really hope it's approved before the deadline. 😛

EDIT: It's up!

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6860391
Awesome! I can't wait to see it!

i'll probably write something for this it's not like i'm doing anything else

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6860715
That's great! I'm already curious as to what you'll write about.

I'd love to join, I love ideas like this, but I'm really not sure I can write something of good quality in ten days without rushing it....

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6861093
You're more than welcome to try. If you can't make it by the deadline, we'd love to have it in one of the group folders regardless. :twilightsmile:

Alright. I found out about the contest (and this group) on the 19th, poked around using the search function, and came up with a pairing. I just finished the first draft of a story for the contest and I should have it submitted and into the folder in the next day or two.

Comin' in a little close to the deadline, but considering I found out about it after the contest originally was going to end, I'm not too upset about it. :rainbowdetermined2:

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6866667
It's a great story! I'm glad you were able to get an entry in on time!

Well, I just found this because of me running across the mention on Silver's story, I could whip you up a story. (Or I could toss one of the other seven weird pairings I've done this month.)

Ok, I got super distracted by my other fics so I dunno if I'll have time to write a new one for this, so I'll just submit my one from the 24th. Trixie Celestia's is a rare ship. *Snickers* Well if you wanted you could have four, I've been doing odd pairings lately, because I too am odd.

Nope, I lied. Because I'm a crazy person have another strange pairing fic.

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And entries to the May Pairing Contest are officially closed!

Thank you to everyone who participated! I'm going to read through all the entries one more time to make sure that I make the right decisions on who will place first through third. I'll also leave a detailed summary as to what I thought about each story and why I picked the specific entries that I did. To those of you who don't end up being first through third place, please realize that I loved all your stories, and I am so glad that you all made Fimfiction a better website through your creativity and originality.

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TIME TO OFFICIALLY ANNOUNCE THE WINNERS OF THE MAY PAIRING CONTEST!

Before I do that, though, let me get a few things out of the way. First of all, thank you SO much to anyone who participated in the May Pairing Contest. I was worried that nobody would participate at first, but we ended up getting some phenomenal entries! Now, before I get into the final results, though, here are some notes that I took for each of the stories. In it, you’ll find some things that I liked as well as some constructive criticism. Feel free to ignore it if you’d like, but I just wanted you to have a better idea as to why I made the decisions that I made. So, let’s get started with...

One Crazy Pairing (Stone) by Jhoira:

  • I really like how you took a contrast of Autumn Blaze and Marble Pie (who obviously have polar opposite personalities) and managed to introduce them in a way that felt natural, like it could legitimately happen in the show!
  • Needs someone to go through and edit for grammar and punctuation. Example: “Pinkie was, of course, the aberration in their family but she always had been, from the recent letter Pinkie had started a relationship with a zebra of all creatures!... Whatever that was!...” vs “Pinkie was, of course, the aberration in their family, but she always had been. Plus, according to the recent letter Pinkie had sent, she had started a relationship with a zebra of all creatures! (Whatever that was)”
  • The idea that Marble is attracted to new things seemed like it came out of nowhere. Not only did I not see it working too well with her personality (seeing as how it’s a depiction of spontaneity whereas Marble Pie is typically seen as reserved), but I also felt that there wasn’t enough backstory to it. I want to know in what ways being attracted to new things has affected her life, and being attracted to a new pony that she met didn’t feel like it was enough to justify it being a part of her normal personality.
  • The pairing stone seems to have a very pivotal part in this story, but it was only mentioned in two lines in the show. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to introduce what it is and why it’s so important to those who might not be as versed with it already.
  • The narration seems to switch between Marble’s thoughts and Autumn Blaze’s thoughts, which is a little jarring to the reader. Even when writing in third person, it’s important to pick one character to be the narrator while telling the story. HOWEVER! That last chapter was the perfect way to segue the narration to someone else. There was a new scene established where the main character was not present, which easily allows the reader to understand that there’s a new narrator telling the story.
  • There were times when the narration seemed to go off on a tangent, which would be perfectly acceptable for Autumn Blaze, but not so much for Marble. Example: “She wanted to run her hooves through that curly mane!... Through Autumn Blaze's curly mane, not Pinkies. Though she did love Pinkie's mane, it was so soft, she had taken multiple naps on it when they were foals.”
  • I like how every chapter ends in a cliffhanger that entices me to see what happens next.
  • The scene where they’re on the balcony happens too fast. They had just barely met two minutes ago, and now they’re cuddling with each other? This makes Marble seem two-faced, seeing as how reserved she is throughout the story and how forward she is in this scene, and it also makes Autumn Blaze sound like a pervert who’s willing to make out with the first cute pony who shows signs of interest towards her.
  • To sum it all up, I like the characters and how they met, but the romance seems like it was completely predicated on the two of them seeing the sunset over the rock farm, and it needs an editor to go through and just make sure everything flows a little bit more smoothly.

Trixie’s New Role by Jhoira:

  • “Trixie was tipsy.” Best line ever!
  • It’s enjoyable to see both Trixie opening up about her vulnerabilities as well as seeing Celestia caring about her subjects on an individual basis.
  • Definitely needs an editor to go through and fix grammatical and punctuation mistakes. This story gets difficult to follow sometimes.
  • The word precious was used 35 times. The story is only 2,584 words long. That means that out of every 74 words, precious was one of them. Plus, I personally can’t see Celestia calling anyone by that name, even her royal consort.
  • Speaking of consorts, I had to double-check the definition to make sure I had it right. They’re getting married after one night of being drunk and opening up to each other? That does not make for a good romance. If there was a history between the two that was explained, I could understand it coming so abruptly, but all the information I have is 1. She performed for the princess, 2. She got drunk, 3. Now they’re getting married. If this were the start of a relationship (not even a romantic one as much as the two growing closer to each other), I think it would have worked much better.
  • All in all, I like the ship between Trixie and Celestia, and I felt that the two of them interacting wasn’t weird at all, seeing as how Trixie is a performer (and apparently a good one, from what we’ve seen from the show). Ultimately, though, it needs some proof-readers to go through and iron out some details to make the story flow more smoothly. I would also suggest not having the characters rush into a relationship so quickly.

Stuck In Canterlot by SilverStar7:

  • The meeting between Coco and Sunburst was totally fluid, and I can’t believe that no one has used this ship before! These two work perfectly together!
  • Just a small note, when separating independent clauses, you want a comma before the conjunction. Example: “Coco's cheeks immediately reddened[,] and she covered her mouth with a hoof.” I noticed this a few times while reading through. It didn’t deter me from staying immersed in the story, but it does help the reader breathe a little bit seeing that visual pause right there.
  • Also, I noticed that sometimes when the characters spoke, their lines were short and choppy. Example: "It did sound really nice," said Sunburst. "I'm used to reading technical information about spells. It's fascinating[,] but it's not exactly poetic. The writing for that play was excellent! It's just too bad that more ponies didn't have a chance to understand all of it." It’s OK to have short sentences sometimes, but when there are this many right next to each other, it almost feels like being stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic. Go. Stop. Go. Stop. Fortunately, though, the narration was the perfect length throughout the entire story.
  • The way these characters interact with each other in their own innocent way is adorable! It’s especially powerful knowing what Coco’s mentality was as a professional in Manehattan along with Sunburst’s natural Melvin-ness. When the two of them are in the most romantic setting in Canterlot (in a hotel room no less!), I felt that the two of them laughing themselves to sleep was the perfect way for their bond to grow stronger, whereas some writers (probably me, not gonna lie) would have had them kiss. Good call! However, I still would have taken out the scene right after that when the two of them are sleeping. That part didn’t seem to fit as well as the part before it.
  • "And there were pillows!" I have to admit, that part made me laugh.
  • The ending was fantastic! It left me wanting more! This is only the beginning of their relationship, but I want these two to fall in love with each other! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHLKJABFGJHFBG!!!!!!

A Fateful Letter by R1FB:

  • First of all, let me just start by saying, “Gabby and Terramar? Both highly underutilized characters, in my opinion. Good job even thinking of using these two!”
  • You did a fantastic job with Gabby! I can easily see her personality shining through as you wrote this story. “I lied; I panicked a lot.” Perfect example right here! It made me love Gabby even more.
  • I’m honestly impressed with the way you made an instant connection between Gabby and Terramar. I guess I should have guessed that the CMC would be the link between the two of them, but the way you made it happen seemed so natural!
  • I noticed that you used double-spacing when separating paragraphs except for when Gabby said something internally. It’s not bad, per se, but I personally think it would have been more aesthetically pleasing to add the extra line of space in those places too.
  • This was a really fun, really cute slice of life story, but at the same time, I wouldn’t say that it was groundbreaking. Don’t get me wrong! Seeing as how this is your first story and that English isn’t even your first language, I was floored by how brilliantly it was written! It’s just that by the end, I was thinking, “That was fun,” rather than, “I need to read more!” Then again, fun is good sometimes. It helps give us a break from all the stories that are trying to shove emotions down our throats. I could legitimately see this as an actual episode in the show, but I wouldn’t label it as the most entertaining story I’ve ever read. One way to change that (if you wanted to. Again, this story was good as is) is to make every event matter in the progression of the story. Sure, Gabby got to explore all of not only Mount Aris but also Seaquestria, but those scenes were all independent of each other without the events themselves bringing out the vulnerabilities of both characters as the two of them progressed through their friendship with each other.
  • In the end, you should feel very proud of this story. It was honestly very well done.

The Mysterious Lover by WhatDidIJustRead:

  • Lolwut was that first paragraph? I mean, bravo first of all. Secondly, is Discord also fugging the mane six’s dads? Well, not Bright Mac, of course. Actually, maybe Bright Mac. Regardless, that’s exactly how you open a story!
  • “I just need to sleep with all of the ponies there without them knowing!" You just need to find Jesus.
  • I will say that I really enjoyed Luna sleeping with half of Ponyville by proxy via Ocellus, but that does seem to sexualize Ocellus in a way that seems a little unnatural to me. She seems shy and timid, and even though apparently everyone back at the hive is doing it, it just doesn’t seem like it fits her character very well imho.
  • As for the ending… there are three ways that I could interpret this: 1. Luna is secretly into dudes, 2. Luna fell for a reverse trap, or 3. Ocellus was lying and it was secretly her all along. I want to believe number three is the correct answer, because it seemed like how comfortable she was with Luna, it was only obvious that she would be the mare Luna met the night before. That would also explain why Donut Joe had a vajayjay, but there weren’t enough hints to make me think for sure that it wasn’t 1 or 2… but I’m still gonna believe number 3 was the correct answer anyway. Sorry if one of the other options was actually the correct answer or if what really happened just flew over my head.
  • The link between Luna and Ocellus was original, but it just kinda seemed like anyone could have filled Ocellus’s role (at least until the changeling part came in). Don’t get me wrong, I think these characters compliment each other in a fun way, but I also know that you’re creative enough to where you could come up with some way to have them meet in a way that’s more personal.
  • Other than those things I mentioned, this was a really good story, and I’m glad I got the chance to read it! You obviously have a talent with painting a picture through words, and I honestly didn’t know what to expect throughout the whole story. No homo, but I’m actually really glad you decided to add your story to the contest!

Lágrimas del Corazón by Marcibel:

  • The way you tell the story through dialogue between characters is phenomenal! Not only that, but there’s so much passion and energy that I feel when the characters speak. You can really get a clear idea of how they’re feeling, what their backstories are and what their relationships are like just by the way they hold conversations. Fantastic!
  • I would recommend going through the story one more time just to fix up little details. Nothing too serious, but there were a couple cases where I saw words omitted from sentences. Example: “Hey, did hear about Wildfire?”
  • This is just me talking, but I would calm down on the language a little bit. I felt like it got to be a little off-putting after a while. I realize how stressed Berry is in this story and that you’re trying to illustrate how she’s feeling through her diction, but I feel like it’s a little too frequent, especially for a T-rated story. That’s just my own personal preference, though. Otherwise I love her bitter and grumpy characterization.
  • I really liked the little gang you had with Berry, Strawberry and Vinyl. The three of those characters meshed so perfectly with each other!
  • When Berry Punch drank the special wine, I felt my heart sink. This is one of those moments you rarely see in fanfiction where your entire heart goes out to the character and everything they’ve been through.
  • The ending felt realistic, but at the same time, it wouldn’t have been a bad idea to make things a little different than real life. The point of a story is for us to live out our dreams vicariously through a fictional world where everything works out perfectly. Even though the ending wasn’t necessarily sad, you could have easily gotten away with using a tragedy tag. This may just be my own personal preference, but seeing Berry freak out after the kiss kinda pulled me out of the immersion. It’s totally OK for her to have conflicting feelings, especially really powerful ones, but I felt like it was a little bit too over dramatic. I know that they were drunk and that she had feelings for somepony else, but darn it, that was the perfect moment for the two of them to have their first happy milestone together, and I felt like even though the interaction that followed was powerful and emotional, it didn’t give me the feelings I was looking forward to after the 10k+ words of build up.
  • Also, don’t worry Berry. I would still have feelings for best pony too.
  • All in all, I don’t want you to think that I didn’t absolutely love this story. It was fantastic in SO many ways! The way you illustrate a scene, the way your characters interact with each other and the way you manage to subtly help me feel everything that the characters are going through is nothing less than a masterfully done artform. I was a little scared when I saw 13k words, but it was worth every moment.

Now, with that out of the way, let me reeeeeeaaaalllly quick get some honorable mentions out of the way.

Most original pairing goes to:

Autumn Blaze and Marble Pie, “One Crazy Pairing (Stone)” by Jhoira

The reason why I felt like this was the most original pairing was because these are two characters who are not frequently used, but they’re pertinent in the show enough to have established personalities. Not only that, but their personalities are so different from each other that it’s entertaining to see how the two of them interact and develop a closer relationship between the two of them. It’s difficult to find similarities for these two to establish a common bond, and I can really respect Jhoira for making it happen.

Most well-written story goes to:

“Lágrimas del Corazón” by Marcibel

The way Marcibel writes is professional-level. No doubt about that. Every color, every scent, every spoken word is something that paints either a part of somepony’s personality, what they’ve been through or how they’re feeling in that moment. I can hear, see, smell and taste everything that’s going on around the characters, who have such vivid personalities that it kept me hooked for 13k words straight.

Most creative plot goes to:

“They Mysterious Lover” by WhatDidIJustRead

To sum up the plot: Luna got drunk and needs to retrace her steps to find out who she had relations with the night before. Now, at first, this may just sound like another version of The Hangover, but how does she retrace her steps? With some changeling that goes to Twilight’s school of friendship! By using Ocellus, she is able to basically make out with everyone in Ponyville until she finds out who she really made out with. It’s a ridiculous mystery that takes a total spin on the typical romance story.

And now for the winners!

Third Place: “A Fateful Letter” by R1FB
The reason why I gave this story third place was because it was an absolutely fun journey of two characters that we don’t see enough of, and putting the two of them together was a stroke of genius. Not only that, but this is this guy’s first story on Fimfiction. His first story! And English isn’t even his primary language! Not that those two things influenced my decision to give this story third place, but it just shows how talented this R1FB is! It was a very cute story, and I absolutely loved the voice you gave Gabby as she narrated the story. It’s honestly a terrific story.

Second Place: “Lágrimas del Corazón” by Marcibel
This was an extreeeeeeeemely difficult decision for me to make. This story has the potential to be first place. No doubt. I’ve already described how well Marcibel tells this story through showing the reader rather than telling, and part of me still wants it to be first place! The main things that prevented me from giving it first place were the pairing and (sadly) the reception. Marcibel had no control over the reception of the story, especially when someone on Fimfiction might just not want to commit to a 13k word story to see the gem inside, and for that matter, the reception wasn’t even bad! It was just so close that literally the only way I could decide which one to choose was by looking at which story Fimfiction had responded more positively to. Now, with that out of the way, why did I mention the pairing? Berry Punch and Roseluck is an original pair for sure, and I’m really happy that Marcibel decided to use them. Their interactions worked perfectly together! By the same token, though, since they’re both background ponies with no clearly established personalities in the show, it kinda gives Marcibel the liberty to make these characters whoever he (or she?) wants without having to work within the limits of a defined characterization. Roseluck and Strawberry could have easily been switched in the story, which is why I didn’t feel like the pairing was enough to boost the story into first place. I know I keep making excuses, but this story was still really good! It just so happened that there was one more story that also happened to do well.

AND FIRST PLACE GOES TO: “Stuck In Canterlot” by SilverStar7
This story was such an emotional ride! Sunburst and Coco work so perfectly together, and the way you made them behave was both believable and entertaining. I felt myself falling in love with the two of them as they oh so subtly fell in love with each other! The best part is how innocent the two of them are. There’s basically no physical contact that happens between the two of them the entire time (which is perfect, given their personalities) and SilverStar7 gave them the proper build up to where if they do decide to hold hooves in the future ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), I can believe it. It works. Their personalities mesh. They have entertaining interactions that are both cute and funny. The pacing was perfect with each event not only gently leading us to the next, but also allowing them to share their vulnerabilities with each other for the two of them to grow closer. As it ended, it left me wanting more, and I can’t wait to see what else SilverStar7 does in the future. Congrats for winning the May Pairing Contest!

And once again, thank you to everyone for participating. :twilightsmile:

0th place goes to me. What's Up YOUR Butt is the best story. Real MVP right here nyugga.

6873471

  • As for the ending… there are three ways that I could interpret this: 1. Luna is secretly into dudes, 2. Luna fell for a reverse trap, or 3. Ocellus was lying and it was secretly her all along. I want to believe number three is the correct answer, because it seemed like how comfortable she was with Luna, it was only obvious that she would be the mare Luna met the night before. That would also explain why Donut Joe had a vajayjay, but there weren’t enough hints to make me think for sure that it wasn’t 1 or 2… but I’m still gonna believe number 3 was the correct answer anyway. Sorry if one of the other options was actually the correct answer or if what really happened just flew over my head.

Actually, the whole thing was that Ocellus, being unfamiliar with ponies, doesn't know that Donut Joe is a mare. Not even like a reverse trap, just a normal mare like all the others, and Ocellus is just missing something that is obvious to ponies. It's a meta joke where humans also see Donut Joe as an obvious stallion, and of course in canon, he is, but what if an "obvious stallion" to us is clearly a mare to ponies? Because different universe. I dunno, it was really dumb, and yeah, I certainly could have put more effort into it. Glad to see some more deserving stories than mine win, so congrats to them. Also glad you liked my dumb horse words though. Thanks for hosting this contest.

6873471
Well, that makes this the first writing contest I've ever won (on FiMFiction or otherwise). I'm honored.

I've read through most of the other entries and the stories were all interesting and unique (which should be unsurprising given the nature of this contest). Reading those other stories has been very enjoyable. It makes me glad this contest happened, because it means that there are more creative stories on the site now. Hopefully it will inspire more people to write stories featuring original pairings.

I'm also happy that the contest helped me to find this group. I've already added a few of the other stories to my (admittedly too long) Read It Later list. If they're anything like the other contest stories, I'll need to make sure I make the time to read them.

Just a small note, when separating independent clauses, you want a comma before the conjunction.

You are correct. I forgot about that. I'll blame it on the fact that I regularly write in a foreign language and the comma rule in that case is the opposite (no commas before conjunctions), but considering that English is still my native language that's really just an excuse. :twilightblush:

However, I still would have taken out the scene right after that when the two of them are sleeping. That part didn’t seem to fit as well as the part before it.

I can see why you feel that way. I debated for a while about removing that scene. I wanted to include something that would 1. show the way the two were feeling about each other without having it conflict too much with their shy personalities and 2. not involve the two of them talking to each other about how they felt. If I'd given myself more time to work on the story, maybe I would have come up with something better, but I don't regret keeping it. I'm not afraid of cutting scenes, but this one felt like it added something to the story. I can't exactly explain what I think it adds, but I couldn't convince myself to cut it.

Thank you for taking the time to host this contest and for leaving such good feedback for all of us! I look forward to seeing what comes next from this group.

6873471

  • The idea that Marble is attracted to new things seemed like it came out of nowhere. Not only did I not see it working too well with her personality (seeing as how it’s a depiction of spontaneity whereas Marble Pie is typically seen as reserved), but I also felt that there wasn’t enough backstory to it. I want to know in what ways being attracted to new things has affected her life, and being attracted to a new pony that she met didn’t feel like it was enough to justify it being a part of her normal personality.

I'm a bit confused here, so did you not like it because on a fundamental level you wouldn't accept it with how you view her personality or did you not like it because there wasn't more backstory?

  • The pairing stone seems to have a very pivotal part in this story, but it was only mentioned in two lines in the show. It wouldn’t be a bad idea to introduce what it is and why it’s so important to those who might not be as versed with it already.

Hehe, I learned that from the comments! :D

  • The narration seems to switch between Marble’s thoughts and Autumn Blaze’s thoughts, which is a little jarring to the reader. Even when writing in third person, it’s important to pick one character to be the narrator while telling the story. HOWEVER! That last chapter was the perfect way to segue the narration to someone else. There was a new scene established where the main character was not present, which easily allows the reader to understand that there’s a new narrator telling the story.

Hehe, heard that one before! Unfortunately, since that's just how I write it's probably not going to change. ^.^

  • There were times when the narration seemed to go off on a tangent, which would be perfectly acceptable for Autumn Blaze, but not so much for Marble. Example: “She wanted to run her hooves through that curly mane!... Through Autumn Blaze's curly mane, not Pinkies. Though she did love Pinkie's mane, it was so soft, she had taken multiple naps on it when they were foals.”

I like to crack jokes whenever I can. ^.^

  • The scene where they’re on the balcony happens too fast. They had just barely met two minutes ago, and now they’re cuddling with each other? This makes Marble seem two-faced, seeing as how reserved she is throughout the story and how forward she is in this scene, and it also makes Autumn Blaze sound like a pervert who’s willing to make out with the first cute pony who shows signs of interest towards her.

Now this one I'm curious about did the cultural comments about the kirin not taking relationships as serious commitments not waylay that issue? Hehe, and on Marble's side, you need to make more dumb decisions that you instantly regret it sounds like. :D Also probably comes from me seeing how cuddly they are in the show and translating that into cuddling is not that big a deal to them, but that's more headcanon.

  • The word precious was used 35 times. The story is only 2,584 words long. That means that out of every 74 words, precious was one of them. Plus, I personally can’t see Celestia calling anyone by that name, even her royal consort.

It did! I like to pick weird themes for my stories! (I never said they were good themes.) Like how in my other one every title is the first spoken dialogue (usually by Marble but obviously not the last chapter.)

  • Speaking of consorts, I had to double-check the definition to make sure I had it right. They’re getting married after one night of being drunk and opening up to each other? That does not make for a good romance. If there was a history between the two that was explained, I could understand it coming so abruptly, but all the information I have is 1. She performed for the princess, 2. She got drunk, 3. Now they’re getting married. If this were the start of a relationship (not even a romantic one as much as the two growing closer to each other), I think it would have worked much better.

Ahh, this is just a cultural thing. When you looked it up you got the European nobility definition. I actually was thinking of Imperial China when I used consort. But maybe I should go change it to concubine because that'll put a better picture in most people's minds. I was -not- intending for them to have been married.

But anyway! YAY! ^.^ I write oddly, I know. But an aspect of that is perfect for this contest because I write odd things too! :D

R1FB #20 · 2 weeks ago · · ·

Third Place: “A Fateful Letter” by R1FB

Wahoooo!


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Gabby and Terramar? Both highly underutilized characters, in my opinion.

Say it again for the people in the back!

I’m honestly impressed with the way you made an instant connection between Gabby and Terramar. I guess I should have guessed that the CMC would be the link between the two of them, but the way you made it happen seemed so natural!

I got so excited when I noticed that Gabby and Terramar both knew the CMC – that was when I knew that my idea could actually result in a great story.
The first conversation between the two was a blast to write. I'm embarassed to say how late I stayed up writing that part. 😛

I noticed that you used double-spacing when separating paragraphs except for when Gabby said something internally. It’s not bad, per se, but I personally think it would have been more aesthetically pleasing to add the extra line of space in those places too.

Duly noted. I'll definitely try that out and see which one I prefer.

This was a really fun, really cute slice of life story, but at the same time, I wouldn’t say that it was groundbreaking.

[...] make every event matter in the progression of the story.

I agree with the entire paragraph, especially these two parts. I'll chalk that up to things I'll learn with experience.

You did a fantastic job with Gabby! I can easily see her personality shining through as you wrote this story.

In the end, you should feel very proud of this story. It was honestly very well done.

😊

Thank you so much for hosting this contest! The theme instantly reminded me of that comment of mine and inspired me to write my first story. It was a very enjoyable experience and I doubt I'll ever forget it.

"What's Up YOUR Butt?" was unironically pretty funny. Titling it so abusurdly was a genius move too, since it attracted me (and I assume a few others as well) to this competition.

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I kind of realized that my response might have come off a little harsher than I meant. I always like to debate my stories! ^.^ But I'm starting to get sick and that might have made me into a little bit of a grouch. I will also add...

It’s difficult to find similarities for these two to establish a common bond, and I can really respect Jhoira for making it happen.

EEEE! ^.^

And I do think I can go back and rework that porch scene a bit... But I did kind of write this the before the contest ended *Cough.* Also, you got me to go and start writing a little prequel that focuses on Marble Pie! Hope that'll make my Marble seem a bit more believable! I'll shoot you when I'm done. ... I mean... Shoot you a link... Yes... A link... <.< >.> (Just so we're all clear that was a joke! I have no intentions of murdering anyone!)

Edit: Yeah, I'm crazy, here's that Marble story. Losing Her Marbles

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