TAsk Scootaloo, Scare-master in Training...

• MLP: FiM
• Dark
• Comedy
• Slice of Life

You stumble across a Hitch stream of Scootaloo answering questions about her apprenticeship under Fluttershy as a scare-master.

• Death
• Alt. Universe
• Fluttershy
• Scootaloo
• Lyra
• Bon-Bon
• Roseluck

Robipony · 5.6k words  ·  10  2 · 338 views

Ask Scootaloo, Scare-Master in Training, is a Dark Slice of Life about Scootaloo and her new ambitions to become an apprentice of Fluttershy, the Scare-Master. Despite scant few comedic moments, I'm hard pressed to actually agreeing with the "Comedy" tag. The story takes place in an alternate universe where some of the rules of the world of Equestria are ever so slightly changed (though, how and what exactly for most of them is left to interpretation), with the biggest change being Rainbow Dash living status.

First of all, I have to say, I'm SO glad you described Scootaloo's visage (and even did it through her described actions, no less), which is something very few authors do, especially for short stories. It's lovely to see fanfiction writers use the rule of thumb to "treat all introduced major characters as if the reader is meeting them for the first time". It's a kudos I'm always proud to give.

The story itself is actually quite interesting in the perspective department. By all accounts, this is somewhat a psudo-meta story where Scootaloo is more or less answering questions her audience give give her (a popular thing that used to happen quite frequently in the heydays of tumblr). After that as an intro, the story shifts to a third person view via flashback (which sometimes is a flashback of a flashback), swapping back and forth between third person and first person (the psudo-meta perspective), until about the 3/4th mark of the story where one of the more intriguing perception shifts happen, making use of the psudo-meta writing style to... well, you should probably read for yourself. I won't spoil THAT fun.

The alternate universe versions of the characters, though different enough, are still very much some of the characters you all know and love despite the changes, which is a testament to understanding said characters well enough to be confident in playing with their personalities and behaviors (and lore). If there's one thing many authors, both novice and seasoned, tend to make the mistake of, be it accident or intention, it's that they can sometimes stray too far from what the character was originally to the point where they might as well be an entirely new character. This mistake isn't anywhere to be found in this story, even with Fluttershy's much more stoically confident demeanor taking center stage.

Formatting is very well executed, especially during the psudo-meta perspective shifts, differentiating between Scootaloo's thoughts and actions versus the comments and prompts from her Hitch audience. Same with grammar and punctuation. I think my only real complaint in this department is the term "Chaosvile". Are you sure you don't mean "Chaosville"?

I have no other complaints for this story. Perhaps I was hoping for a little more comedy, due to the tag, but I don't mind that the humor is somewhat scarce, just because the Slice-of-Life narrative is just strong enough and the third quarter story perspective shift is such a fun twist and treat that wouldn't work as a comedy bit anyway.

9/10

A VERY strong 9/10. It is quite the fun rollercoaster of a ride both through the narrative and through the highly competent formatting and perspective shifts, while keeping flow and pacing tight and quick, but not too rushed or devoid of details. I hope the author decides (or has already made) more stories set within the universe shown from this tale, as I'd be more than happy to read another.

7956105 Thank you for the review. I'm glad that you enjoyed the story.

My introduction to the fandom were the old ask tumblr blogs (especially some of the really well done youtube readings of them back in the day).

Yeah, the Chaosvile is just because I like the way Chaosvile rolls off the tongue, while Chaosville (to me at least) seems like a lazy name by the ville from Ponyville with chaos. But that's just me.

Sadly, there aren't really any direct sequels, though I did leave some slight hints that one of my stories might take place in the same universe.

7956184
Not surprised that was your introduction to the fandom, since those were everywhere (before tumblr collapsed in on itself).

As for the vile/ville thing, the thing about the suffix -ville is that it's typically used for towns. It's a french term meaning just that (city/town, while in the middle ages it originally meant "farm", before becoming a term meaning "village"). Tends to be pronounced "vil". Vile (with just the one "l") means "Morally depraved; ignoble or wicked", and is typically pronounced with a long sounding "i", in the same way as the homophone "vial".

Shame there isn't a direct sequel currently, but I'm hoping that you explore the concept of the story a bit more in the future. I love the concept and the way you bounce between perspective shifts, and you have left a LOT of questions available that could make for a few more stories.

7956204 Yeah, at the time I released it, it didn't get a lot of views (that I can remember), so I just didn't think about doing a sequel, but who knows.

7956303
I mean, you made it as a one-shot, so perhaps a multi-chapter anthology might work out better.

7956105 I mean it could still happen, though right now I'm working on a couple cyberpunk stories.

7957136
I wish you luck on that, dude.