EA Different Dimension

• Equestria Girls
• Slice of Life

Starlight Glimmer: skilled unicorn with a history of evil. Sunset Shimmer: skilled unicorn also with a history of evil. Both of them alone and unsupervised in another dimension. This is gonna be great!

• Sunset Shimmer
• Starlight Glimmer
• Main 7 (EqG)

Uz Naimat · 5k words  ·  28  3 · 1k views

Story summary: What do you when you discover your student crossed dimensions when you were not home?

You let her stay for a few more days, of course.

Starlight Glimmer jumped through the portal to discover and embrace a whole new world with her new friend, Sunset Shimmer. Together, they saved the day from evil magic. But now the real fun begins.

Starlight and Sunset are going to spend the next few days doing normal teenage activities. Have a sleepover, play some video games, debate who was the better villain...

Wait, what was that last one?

My analysis:

Hu, is this story finished, or is there a rule on unfinished stories I missed?

Okay, due to the confusion of if this is just the start of a story or an actual story, I am unable to fully judge the story flow and pacing. Thus, I won't be giving my typical scoring and categorizing. I will merely give critiques and my own personal take on it.

Grammarly, most of the spelling is solid, but it does fall into the trap of name repetition. We have a conversation between two people, so we don't need the names of the voice actors popping up every other paragraph. You can use the phrase "her" or nicknames to take away the sense of repetition, using their real names every few paragraphs instead of every one.

I also think that this is the base of a good story. We are delving into two former villians getting to know and understand each other. One girl who has long given up the idea of going back to her old life, and another who is curious about this strange new world. However, I can't tell if this is a finished product or not. I can't tell where the arc will be going or what all is in store.

I think that this is the base of a good story, or maybe a nice standalone story. I just don't know yet. The incomplete status is leaving me confused about what to expect, or if there was a mistake made in the submission. However, I think it's worth a read. Maybe once I get clarification on the status of the story I can give this story a proper rating.

7641819
Hiya there, Light Heart101!

Thank you for the review. And for your kind words.

So I understand where the confusion comes from. To answer your question, yes, it’s incomplete. I know the ending of the first chapter makes it seem like a complete story, but I assure it’s not. It was originally intended to be a one-shot, but then it went over 5k, and I didn’t want to have a single chapter with so many words, so I split it in half.

I don’t suppose I’ll get a second review once I have completed it?

7641883
Maybe. Not sure how the rules apply.

7641905
Oh, well. I should just focus on completing the story first, then I’ll see what I can do.

Thanks again for the review, Light!

7641905

7641906
A second Review is possible, though it has less priority. If the main folder is quite full, it has to wait.

7642398
I see. Thanks for the answer.