Story summary: After thinking that the Cake Twins have learned a swear word from somewhere, Pinkie Pie and the other Cakes have to find a way to keep them from saying that word in time for a very important food critter.

Can they teach the little fillies to not say that word before it's too late?

Light's analysis: This story is a little puzzling to me for where the story was supposed to end. Apparently Honk is a curse word, if I am understanding this right. I mean, I know peeved is one due to the cannon, but it doesn't elaborate on the punchline as well as the buildup. I feel if the other worked on the last half of the story better, it would have worked out better. The first half is very entertaining, but I'm just left confused at the end.

Grammar. 6/10

Why is it since I had Azure walk me through one of my stories that I realize how common the error of name repetition is. Having Pinkie Pie's name pop up several times in one paragraph ends up being hard to read. Here's a few paragraphs of how you can have it read better.

Pinkie Pie placed a sizable assortment of Lemon Meringue Muffins into a large, white box before tying them up and giving them to The wall eyed mailmare. “Here you go, Derpy.”

“Wow, thanks. Pinkie. You know how much I love muffins.” She fluttered away before bumping her head on the door ledge. Smiling that her muffins are still intact, she flew off without saying a word.

“Have a great day!” The element of laughter waved with a giggle. She then darted her head towards the Cake Twins to check on them. They were perfectly fine in their play area as she sighed in relief. “Looks like that was the last customer of the day. Hmm… Now that I’m done, I might as well get a little--”

But before she could go to the kitchen for some food, her ears caught a loud, honking sound, causing her eyes to widen like a beach ball. She turned around to see if that sound came from the twins, but they were still playing with their toys together.

Pinkie shrugged as she started to head back to her work. “Huh. Must be my imagination.”

You can have it pop up every few paragraphs or use other other names, but having it pop constantly makes it hard to read. However, it's wise to keep the names up when a conversation with three or more people is going on, but with only two people you can take more liberties. It takes some time to build up that intuition when to have said character's names pop up, simple gender pronunciation to use alongside character interaction, or just nothing at all.

Story plot. 7:10

The concept is there. The joke of having the kids making a seemingly innocent noise makes for a good premise, and it builds on that well. I like the concept, but I feel like the execution just falls short.

Story flow: 5/10

Again, I love the first three quarters is funny, and very much so. Seeing the three adults' scrambling over the kids over the K-word is funny, but the ending just falls short in my mind. I don't get the punchline, and the last few scenes just seem to drag instead of allowing the punchline to shine. It's just to obscure for me to fully understand and appreciate.

Final score: 18/30 6/10

How to improve: Name repetition is the error that's the easiest to fix with a bit of practice and intuition. However, you need to make sure that the story is the understandable through each phase. I can't fully understand the ending due to the vagueness of the punchline, and I think it could have been translated better had there been more work done on the final punch line. I tend to use a few friends to look over my own work and give me their own opinions, and thus why proofreaders are so necessary.

I believe that there is room for improvement, so I encourage the author to take my analysis and see what can be learned from it. I had to improve as well, and still am. It's a constant state of learning and adapting to become a good author. Keep writing, and I'll see where you go from here.

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Thanks, Light Heart.