E"Interview"

• MLP: FiM
• Comedy
• Slice of Life

Doesn't actually contain very much interviewing.

• OC
• Fancypants

Heroic412227 · 1.1k words  ·  17  2 · 326 views

Story summary: Gold Digger is a (totally not) lonely mare working a job she's about to be fired from. Her boss asks her to get one interview, or else she's fired. She... kinda does?

A collaboration with ya boi Tonkus, who also made the cover art that honestly wouldn't look out of place in a third-grade classroom.

An idea yoinked out of Bad Dragon's giant list of story ideas!

Personal analysis:

I know that this was supposedly on the featured story list, but I can't help but feel disappointed by the lack of story. It didn't feel like a comedy, and could have been the basis of a decent slice of life. I am going to skip the how to improve for this review to give my opinion now that it can profit from a few new chapters, at least one. There just isn't enough meat in this story to satisfy a good reader.

Grammar: 8/10 This is admittedly the strong part of the review, and makes me believe that he's been through it a few times to edit it. However, there are a few small errors.

“Excuse me, sir. Can I have a moment of your time--?(...)”

This error of using --? is confusing, and in my opinion not as effected as the three periods. I know I am not versed in the proper way of phrasing this, but in my experience, an intentional stall in a sentence is best represented by three periods.

Story plot: 3/10

You have the basis of a good idea, but it lacks utilization of it. It's not comedic enough with the premise or pitches to warrant it as a good comedy, and fails to use the concept to its fullest. I always say that sometimes short stories work, and sometimes they are just too short for their own good. Had this story been worked on longer and had more added to it, I think it had the possibility of being a great story. Instead, it feels like it's lacking.

Story flow: 3/10

The first section with the two characters interacting with each other is way too short. If you had described the workplace, or the personalities of Dirty Work or his appearance, let alone Gold Digger's, it would have added so much more to that first part of the story.

The second half was a lot better, adding more to Gold's character and personality. However, I feel like these encounters could have been built on more. Third act was confusing a little. I mean, I like the awkwardness, but it leaves why Fancy Pants chooses to spend time with Gold, or where it could have gone from there. It opens many questions about the characters and their interactions, or where it would have gone. The fact that the ending hits like a bag of bricks only goes to prove my point.

This story is too short. It is the springboard to a great story, but it doesn't utilize what it has or where is can go. It's the only way this can improve to be something better.

Final score: 14/30 4.6/10

7554085
Thanks. How do I improve this story and can you give me some examples? Also, are you going to review A Wolf's Blizzard, next?

7554088
I may do a few other stories first, and my main advice is to just add more to the story. Talk about the stuffy work building at the beginning that smells like ink and old dust. Talk about the cold and unfeeling look that Dirty work gives. Why did Filthy give Gold a chance? What was the argument like? I can't tell you how to build on the story as an entirety, but ask yourself questions about the characters and where the story can go from there.

7554213
Thanks.

7554085
Glad to see your back on the site and reviewing.