TA Road To Friendship

• Equestria Girls
• Romance
• Drama
• Slice of Life

When two popular girls meet head-to-head, routines are altered, emotions are tested, and surprising secrets are revealed as rivals form a budding friendship.

• Alt. Universe
• Sunset Shimmer
• Sci-Twi

SunTwi06 · 16k words  ·  47  7 · 944 views

Review: A road to friendship

Tags: [Equestria girls], [Alternate Universe], [romance], [Drama], [Slice of Life]

Summary: Sunset Shimmer and SCI Twilight in an alternate universe of romance, drama and slice of life.

Critic: Since this is clearly an alternate universe this is not canon. However, since I’m the one who is judging this a slight bit.  This will be judged on how far this fiction went. Because it’s on hiatus.

I actually love the characters in this fiction you’ve done so well and it must have taken a very hard time to make such a fiction such as this… I never had seen or come across this as an alternate universe but it is.  The feeling of this fiction has done well to the latest chapter which I'm surprised you haven’t finished yet. (writer's block perhaps.)

So far the flow of this story does make a lot of sense and I truly wish that this one is finished but since it’s not and I will never know the ending for it yet… I state that this fiction for flow is at least a 6/10.  Due to a pause and the hiatus makes me want to read more about this story.

The idea is at least a 10/10.  I have no problem reading this and it was very interesting.

The dialogue is clearly great at its peak but there was some stuff that was weird a bit maybe because of a slight grammar issue or how it was written by you the author. So I truly stand on this rating of at least a 7/10. 

There is some stuff that needs to be fixed for grammar but it’s not a lot per chapter… I clearly think it would have handled this better but the case is that I believe that the grammar is at least a 7/10..

Which brings me 30/40   which is at the peak of somewhere 7.5/10.

7515661 Not to sound rude but could you... uh, elaborate your thoughts on the story? I'd like to know the pros and cons so when I get back to it, I want to know what needs to be fixed/kept

7515902
Try not to hate me for this... But if I did that the story would only be changed by grammar and not the structure. unless you are looking for a different writing style. What I'm trying to say is... the only thing I review is grammar, how good the flow of the fiction... the dialogue.... However, I already have made an elaborate... it's called the grading system... if I grade at least below a 6 it means you did something wrong and it's highly noticeable if I grade a 7 and 8 it means that you did something wrong but it's common such as error punctuations of at least 6 to 9 through out all chapters. if it was a 9 it means you made only a 5 mistake through out the entire fiction... but since you want a different system then my graded I can do that if you want. But I'm sure you asked already so I'll do it just for you.

The pros of this fiction.

The idea for it. (it means that You have best intentions)
The flow (it was a smooth fiction)
Characters personality (the right stuff for characters)

The cons
Grammar (lots of fixing up to do or less bit.)
Story (which could of been grammar that hold you back)
missing structure ( I barely use this because it's part of the story. The story is the total of what it must be as in for structure details.)

even then the simple would for me to do is the grading system which already elaborates with the story ish... I'm not much of a pro or cons kind of person... I think it would take to long to write all of that out. If you don't like my services you can ask. When I review fictions I do short reviews... nothing long other wise I wouldn't be as a review.. I would be totally role playing games or weird mmo's I use the youtube format for reviews well the reviews that I seen and that's why I came here to be a review for stories.

Learning to elaborate story advice.

please don't make me elaborate I prefer you read your story and upgrading time to time when you get a chance.... such as all of your stories... once you feel you did good... go back to your old stories and elaborate what you did wrong and fix it.

7515927 Allow me to rephrase the question then: Grading and grammer aside, what did you like about it? I didn't mean to place pressure on you. I just wanted your thoughts as a reader and not a reviewer and for that, I apologize. I did like the review.

7515938
Ah, I see.... The thing that I like about it... is that I got to read it and spend time reading on it for a short time. I'm just sad it wasn't longer though.... but a fiction is a fiction... I try not to spread emotional feelings as much as possible I hope you understand. Things that I like about it was the slice of life and drama the romance needs a small bit of work but still above average in my knowledge.

7515941 The fault lays with me. I should've been more clear on my meaning. That said, I do plan on remastering it in the future. I just haven't had the time to make the next arc. I do hope to do so soon though.

7515942
if you want more out of it just please don't be afraid to ask for it. Also the reason I'm very busy for the next 2 months so yeah...

7515942
also it's not your fault... the reason why I shouldn't elaborate on a hiatus fiction... If I did... I made a mistake... which could lead to a longer hiatus... it happens but since you asked... I had to do it. The only thing I can say at this point is finish it... creative is all they have as a writer... I just hope it's a happy ending.

7515959 Well, I have good news for you. I just started the next arc. It won't be out for at least another 2 months minimum but it's in the works now