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Firefoxino
Group Contributor
TDiscursive Formations: romance
This is not a love story.
The Red Parade · 2k words  ·  25  4 · 378 views

Another one from the Red Parade this one is a doozy so keep your seatbelt in and let’s go. We start our journey in the city of Appleoosa where Aj is amicably visiting her cousin. Things go all fine until one guard starts asking questions, questions they shouldn’t ask.

I won’t say anything more, let me tell you though that you are in for a bit of a spookiness, you will probably see a side of real life that you thought couldn’t be real in a world with ponies and yet, there it is. The old conundrum of who judges and executes, playing God and using too many excuses. 

What is there to expect from this, well you don’t go in with expecting what you wanted instead you are hit right in the face by a metal bar called plot twist. Readers should be warned that what is going on there may be too much for some, but for those who relish in these kinds of stories this is where you get your filling.

The author made an excellent interpretation of the characters involved in this ploy and I can safely say that they respect what the normality for something like that is supposed to be. Even the fear of the consequences that usually shuts down the weak of hearts such as the guard. 

That being said let’s go straight for the scores!

Scores.


Core Idea: 7/10, original for the characters but it is something that might be too used in many other fics, gets a little plus for being a speedwriting.

Pacing: 10/10 Spot on pacing gives the reader the right amount of suspense and time to realize what is happening that the story is truly enjoyable, good work.

Grammar: 9/10 could use some more flowing throughout the dialogues to give them that little bit more of liquidity to be really wonderful other than that good.

Final score: 8.67/10 Very good job.

For the Author, a nice job here with this one, wasn't expecting it at all and that’s a plus, not much else to say especially to one that already wrote a lot, keep it up.

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