EIn the Light of the Dark

• MLP: FiM
• Sad
• Slice of Life

Finding him absent from the graduation afterparty, Silverstream looks for Gallus in a cave. One that, in one way or another, only she can get him out of.

• Gallus
• Silverstream

jnzsblzs · 8.8k words  ·  46  1 · 1.9k views

Summary

Silverstream tracks down Gallus, who is skipping their graduation ceremony in a dark cave. Once she finds him, she learns that he might have just received word of a close relative’s death, though it may also be a cruel prank. In the darkness of the cave, the two characters argue philosophy and form a bond deeper than either creature expected.

First Impressions

So first I’d like to start with a disclaimer. I am not well-read in philosophy, and I’ve not yet taken any classes on the subject. That being said, I don’t feel like my experience reading this story suffered for the lack.

That leads to the very first point I’d like to make about this story; while the characters do engage in a lengthy discussion about philosophy, I never at any point felt like my ignorance on the subject was a barrier for reading the story. The author excellently adapts the dialogue to match a general readership, so that none of the ideas he’s presenting are too out of reach of somebody like me who hasn’t studied the subject. This takes a great deal of skill and finesse.

My main critique of the story is that there seems to be two things going on, and they don’t seem to connect as well as they could. It is as if the story has two plots. One is, “Gallus and Silverstream bond over his difficult past in a scary cave” and the other is “Gallus and Silverstream argue philosophy.” I’m not saying they aren’t connected, but that they could be better interwoven. This disconnect is really only present at the very beginning and very end of the story, though, and this is honestly a small critique.

This becomes most blatant at the end, when Gallus appears to have arranged a Sonic Rainboom from Rainbow Dash. It makes the end feel a bit too saccharine for the rest of the story, and doesn’t seem to fit.

What probably impressed me most of all, though, was that not only were the discussions of philosophy written so that anybody could follow, they were also written in a way that flows organically from the character’s backstory and history. Silverstream and Gallus both have ideas and opinions that are closely and logically formed by their experiences. By writing this way, the author avoids his characters becoming mere puppets for his own views and opinions.

Ratings by Category

Characters: 8/10. The characters are well described and their beliefs and opinions flow logically from their experiences and history. I was particularly impressed by the shadowy unnamed ‘antagonists’ of the piece, the hypothetical pranksters who may have written the letter to Gallus about his adopted grandfather’s death as some sort of twisted prank. It takes real skill to make the reader absolutely despise a character they never see, never hear, and never even gets named.

Setting: 7/10. The setting only really matters a few times in the piece, which is fine. But for a setting that doesn’t really play a major role in the story, I think the author spends a bit long describing it. Why do we need to know the history of the cave?

Ultimately, though, it’s not easy to find inventive ways to say ‘It’s really dark’ and not get boring. The author does this successfully, especially in the beginning.

Dialogue: 9/10. This is where the story truly shines. Both Silverstream and Gallus’ dialogue manages to present their ideas while remaining true to their history.

Plot Structure: 6/10. If the story has a significant flaw, this is it. The story has a standard structure, with a well-defined conflict and rising tension until an inevitable climax.

There are a few issues, though. The transition from the two of them chatting in the cave to the two of them arguing philosophy is a tiny bit jarring. The Rainboom at the end felt oddly out of place with the more somber tone of the piece.

On top of all that, I couldn’t help but feel that maybe some of the subjects were underexplored. I’m glad the author didn’t try to change either character’s mind; despite the intensity of their conversation, the only change that occurs between the two of them is that they grow emotionally closer. Neither seems to change their minds about the topics in question. Indeed, if they had, I would have been upset; there was simply not enough time for either character to change their minds. However, I would have liked to see some more time and attention given to some of the topics.

Grammar: 7/10. There are very few grammar errors. Mostly what I saw was a few tense switches, and an awkward ellipsis or two. Overall, the story was technically sound.

Total: 7.4/10

Final Thoughts/Feedback

This story was amazingly well written, with good characterizations and better dialogue. In the end, though, if I’m being completely honest, I’d have to say it wasn’t exactly my preference. I tend to prefer a bit more escapism in my fanfiction, personally.

When Silverstream reaches her crisis, when she realizes that Gallus’ experiences don’t fit into her worldview, she is challenged. Rather than changing (which honestly wouldn’t have made sense) she simply tries to fit a square peg into a round hole, trying to reinterpret Gallus’ past in a way that fits her philosophy. When this happened, I became legitimately angry.

It was a testament to how well written the character was that I would react that way. I’ve had far too many people in my life do exactly what Silverstream did, basically justifying the actions of an abusive authority figure in order to match a dogmatic worldview, to not react negatively to something like that. But this is all personal, and has nothing whatsoever to do with the quality of the writing.

Do I recommend this story? Absolutely yes. The author has crafted a well-written piece, and it’s worth reading once. But will I ever read it again? Honestly, probably not. But again, that’s personal.

Best Part: The description of the darkness surrounding and flowing over Silverstream in the beginning. The way the characters’ philosophies makes perfect sense with their histories.

So first I’d like to start with a disclaimer. I am not well-read in philosophy, and I’ve not yet taken any classes on the subject.

Me neither, to be frank.

But for a setting that doesn’t really play a major role in the story, I think the author spends a bit long describing it. Why do we need to know the history of the cave?

It does play a major role in the story. It's all a huge symbol. In fact it is this symbology that makes me consider this story my best work ever. So darkness in the cave is fairly straightforward analogy for the darkness in Gallus' mind. It's a place he doesn't like, yet he always come back to as soon as things go wrong. This darkness is tricky one, it doesn't obscure his vision, but it does turn everything he sees into mundane nothingness. (There are few more boring sights I can imagine than smooth black walls.) Because of his eyes he has the capability to live there basically indefinitely but it would be a sad, pitiful existence.

When Silver goes in, it's a complete leap of faith for her. She can't see anything in there. She mentions she can see in the darkness, but the darkness she is used to is a completely different one. (Underwater vs Cave darkness, obviously a reference of the different history these two characters have.) Despite this she goes in there because she believes her friend can and should be saved from the darkness just as she was by her Aunt Novo and her Cousin Skystar. It's her inability to see that lets her know how twisted this place is. Gallus couldn't tell the real difference because for him they are just different shades of the same thing.

Then she goes inside meets Gallus, and he lits that fire for her. That's a very elaborate creation and I would like you to invite to think why he created that fire. It's not for light, he admits that much, but is it really built for warmth? I would argue no, not in the way it exists now anyway. First due to his upbringing in the dire cold of the mountains he's basically impervious to cold. He doesn't shiver when the fire goes out, and he is used to sleeping outside in what he called "minus forty degrees". And even if it was against the cold, why did he bother to create a fire that lights up instantaneously? That feature is almost useless against the cold. Definitely isn't worth the trouble of coming up with it.

I like to believe he did that because he has this insatiable need to improve the world he lives in. To reach excellence. Most of us have that drive but few have the perseverance to see it through. It is this drive that makes Silver appreciate him so much. So many times in his life he could have said just f it, and become lonely and miserable, yet he never truly did.

But as the venture deeper and deeper in his grief the fire slowly starts to fade out. I'm not sure it was a wise decision but I decided to let them go through the five stages of grief. First it is denial, when he says the latter might not have been from Gilda. Then come anger when he burns the latter, and declares he doesn't care about him either way. Obviously a lie, they go on to bargaining when he pleads for one chance to ascertain what's really happened, even though they both know Gruff Grandpa is dead. It is a fast process but the reason I go with it is the word limit on the contest is the fact that Gallus has already been through all these steps by the time Silver arrives. So what we really see is just the make up of composure slowly flaking from his face.

So they reach the fourth stage, Gallus' real stage, depression. Gallus lays down and starts to think. And he thinks for a long time while the pyre of hope slowly dies off. Silver decides she risk her last chance to leave the cave alone and stay with Gallus instead. She knows they either leave this darkness together, or Gallus will never leave it at all. (In the metaphisical sense, obviously in the physical world Gallus can leave any time he wants, and he would help Silver leave as well.)

So when the last speck of embers are giving out their dying light Gallus asks how she can stay so happy. How come she has a source of light "that can’t be changed by anything in the world because it has nothing to do with it.” And then the go into their philosophy session which leads to Gallus lashing out, destroying everything Silver thought she knew about the world. And the scariest thing about that scene is that the fire is not completely dead yet. It just gives enough light to make Silver see the bare silhouettes of Gallus' face. The face she thought she knew, yet now it looks like the vague and undefined shape of evil that haunted her childhood nightmares. (I wrote the fic under the assumption that Silver never actually met the Storm King and the adults of her people are not particularly keen on talking about him, so she doesn't know how he looks like.) It is not the anger that makes him look scary, it's her false hopes.

And then Gallus backs off an the fire actually dies. And this is the time of truth. When she realises that she and Gallus were probably both wrong. They thought her light is so strong because it has nothing to do with darkness, in fact it's just the opposite. Silver's light couldn’t be smothered by this darkness because it was cut from the same cloth.

And her light is not gonna be able to rekindle the fire, because it's not meant to rekindle fires. It's meant to rekindle spirits who then have the power to fight against their own darkness. Her power to defeat her own darkness, inspires others to defeat theirs.

I set out to write the best and most feminine hero I could manage, one that can't be copied by masculine heroes, because they simply lack the tools to do so. Or maybe the lack the absence of tools to ever think of this solution. Let's take the most masculine hero I can think of: Captain Marvel. Would she be able to do that? No way, she would just blast a hole into the mountain and say: "Finally we can see. Now get your ass off the ground, your worthless piece of crap. We've got work to do."

Which is btw a very viable solution for many different cases. It is often the way men help other men out from the holes they dig themselves in. It just not the one Gallus needed at the time.

So finally Gallus is ready to reach out to Silver and take her out of the cave. To the light. Of the Sonic Rainboom, because the sun is already set. But Rainbooms are cooler anyway.

But yes even with all that crap I can't really justify why I wrote half a paragraph about the history of the cave so you got me there.