EHonour Among Thieves

• MLP: FiM
• Dark
• Thriller

Every friendship has its origins, even the most sinister. And revenge is a dish best shared.

• Tirek
• Cozy Glow

Freglz · 6.8k words  ·  73  4 · 1.4k views

Honour Among Thieves by Freglz is the next story in line to be placed under the scrutiny of my magnifying glass. You know, when I was browsing through the blurb, I was curious; I was wondering how this story would transpire, especially when I saw both Tirek and Cozy Glow interacting with each other. Well, without further ado, let’s begin…

Oh, and as usual, my review will cover the story in significant detail. Beware of the spoilers ahead! You have been warned…

Summary

In this tale, a weakened Tirek who had just escaped from Tartarus attempts to make out and scour; to seek the revenge he dearly wanted, despite working ex nihilo, with his magic drained and exhausted. Of course, working from scratch meant that he had to start from humble beginnings, which involved stealing a cloak as a part of his disguise. And of course, Cozy Glow was present to confront him of his malicious act of theft. I wonder how Cozy would go about it…

Content

Note that this review will cover the story in a chronological order.

Well, before I begin this section of the review, I would like to say that you are all in for a treat! For today’s review, I have a special guest who is so incredibly kind to come over to join me on this review on this co-op review - CYONIX! Say hello!

HELLO! I’m Cyo, hope everyone knows who I am

Well, you have no idea how much I used to look up to Cyo when I was looking through his reviews in the past. The depth and detail he goes into it, the effort he pours in...it is truly admirable.

Aww! Thanks Stinium! It’s really an honour to hear that my reviews inspired you so much! But uh, that’s probably enough about me, we’re here to talk about the story!

Indeed - let’s take a look at the story in greater detail.

Introduction: Tirek’s Emotions

The story kicks off on a very personal note through the perspective of Tirek. The author has gone at length to describe the personal struggles Tirek had, his reflections and the betrayal by his brother. By and large, the introduction was very much into shaping up the character who was Tirek, to build that persona, that character within to inspire the rest of the story.

And what an introduction it is! Freglz wastes no time in displaying their beautifully well-written prose and appropriately verbose descriptions. I myself am somewhat partial towards particularly compelling descriptions of scenery ‘n stuff (Cold in Gardez’s Lost Cities will always be my go-to example of this), so you can imagine that when I see settings like this…

Clearly the parasites that called this place home had been busy. They’d tamed the wilderness, driven out the feral monsters, nurtured the barren earth into rich soil that could support fields upon fields of crops. They’d multiplied a hundredfold and spread their roots like the very weeds they plucked from their gardens, or an infection left unchecked. And like an open wound, they left scars in their wake: roads cleaved through forests and prairies, around mountains and diving into valleys.

… my interest is quite nicely piqued

How true, how true! Though I must admit that while the author has done a fairly in-depth depiction of the personality who was Tirek, I posit that despite this, I couldn’t feel as deeply as I would have expected myself for this Tirek. Granted, the story did explain the motivations for his revenge, the hatred he had and so on, but I find that the style in which the author brought across this message was rather passive in nature.

I wished that the author could have been more explicit and direct in showing that emotive part of Tirek in a more aggressive and, dare I say it, blatant manner. I wished that the author could have considered showing exactly how much hatred and how much anger and how much Tirek more precisely and specifically. I was considering whether developing this story from the first person perspective rather than the third person perspective would help to bring out the strength, the intensity, the level of those emotions through looking into the senses he would experience.

To be fair, a switch to the first person wouldn’t be a nuanced tool to enhance this piece, but rather a blunt one to help steer the author into showing the actions, the facial expressions and explore this piece with greater emotive writing.

Well I agree with you on that last part, definitely! The real difference between first-person and third-person, from a writing standpoint, at least, is really only the name that you use to refer to the protagonist. Still, writing in first-person is a pretty good exercise to show your characters’ thoughts and feelings a little more clearly. I assume.

Umm, at least I think it’d be?

Anyway, I’m actually gonna disagree with you on the previous part. I’d say Freglz has done a great job showing us how angry Tirek is with the world. I think the lack of connection with Tirek is more of a product of how little we understand his point of view, and therefore, we don’t understand his hatred of the ponies. We know, roughly, Tirek’s backstory from the show. What we don’t know is his side of it — what did it feel like to have been betrayed? To have been condemned to Tarturus for a thousand years or however long that was?

Equestria must have been a pretty interesting place a thousand years ago, huh?

Interesting perspective, and I can’t deny that what you have stated above is true. Perhaps it is both; the author could have considered developing his side of the events in a more convincing manner to the reader. And I can’t seem to connect to the level of hatred I had in mind because of this. I mean, the foundation of this hatred needs to be robust before the hatred itself must be developed effectively. And in both facets of development do I see some ways to enhance this development further.

Okay, I think we’ve talked enough about this, let’s move ahead!

The Conflict Begins

So the story continues with Tirek cutting off his scheming to go off to a nearby village to steal a cloak from some unsuspecting villagers. And specifically a cloak too. Like, nothing against cloaks, but that sure is... single-minded?

I mean jackets are perfectly warm pieces of clothing

I have to agree with you there. Of all the potentially valuable objects that he could have gone for, he had to choose a cloak? I mean, sure it was in easy reach, but was a cloak really that fundamentally crucial to his plan to seek his revenge? Was it pivotal in regaining his magical prowess? Well, yes, it could conceal him, but his silhouette would give it all away, wouldn’t it? I mean-

Well if he likes cloaks, not gonna hold it against him, haha! And I get the feeling we’re diverging from the topic with this train of discussion...

Ahem! Anyways, he’s been eyeing a particular cloak that he’s going to steal. And, coincidentally, that cloak belongs to the family of everyone’s favourite little pegasus filly, Cozy Glow. She catches him in the act (sorta, she just sees his creepy glowing eyes in the bushes), and pursues him into a cave, where she confronts him about the cloak.

The irony of him having to hide from a small child, by the way, is not lost on him.

Here, I did like how the author conveyed that irony. To think that the appearance of a helpless child would require him to duck and cover would be a laughably ridiculous proposition in the past. Either way, let us continue with...

The Actual Conflict: Cozy’s Confrontation with Tirek

I was wondering why Cozy would know for a fact that Tirek wouldn’t have outright destroyed her. The story did explain that point with the consequences of this, as Cozy coolly pointed out to Tirek in their confrontation, which I certainly appreciated, though I’m not sure whether that was sufficient. Either way, it was fascinating to me actually, as it showcased Cozy’s character to be one that spoke of cunning and wit. It is quite fitting that she could anticipate and gather a sensing of the situation that she was in by conveying how she was particularly accurate in deducing that Tirek wouldn’t lift a finger on her due to the potential ramifications this act would bring. Nice characterisation here.

Yes, our little megalomaniacal filly is quite the genius. And a genius with not too much value for her life, it seems, as her survival in that situation was definitely far from certain. Still, I do appreciate Freglz’s portrayal of Cozy as a quick thinker who hides her ability. It’s quite accurate to the show.

Exactly so! But I think this brings me to the most salient point that I would like to bring out, and I think Cyo would also agree, which is that the true conflict in the story that occurs here was quite disappointing, I guess. I mean, the conflict mainly boiled down to the terse conversation they had in the cavern. To be fair, the conversation they had did bring out a significant amount of the character that is within Cozy and Tirek, to bring out and manifest their motivations, which brought out the lore that I believe the author wanted to bring up, but I...I...hmm. What say you, Cyo?

Yes, the story did seem pretty insubstantial? To me. Only question now is why? Cuz a single conversation is also engaging if it’s written well.

Perhaps the conversation that the duo had was not exactly fruitful into the development of how the story would advance, especially into the conclusion of the story. I mean, the direction to which the conversation went didn’t direct the story into a very meaningful manner.

Fruitful is such a nice word

Oh, um, I mean yes! Meaningfulness is the key here, I think. Uh, hope you don’t mind if I hijack your review for a bit, Stinium?

I mean, that’s kind of the point of having you here; to give two different perspectives on the same story. Please go on!

Okie dokie! So, think about what happens here in the story. Boiling the plot down to simple strokes, Tirek returns from Tartarus, severely weakened, and has to steal from some village ponies. Cozy, having been stolen from, goes to confront him about it.

Now, instead of thinking of the story from only Tirek’s perspective, consider which of the two has a more interesting story, and which has to overcome a greater difficulty. Tirek, who in accepting Cozy’s help, has to let his pride get wounded? Or Cozy, who has to confront the unknown monster on her own?

On top of that, we also need to think about what Stinium brought up, about meaningfulness. Is it meaningful when Tirek decides to cooperate with Cozy? I think not — not really, at least. On the other hoof, Cozy’s actions are almost definitely more meaningful to her character than Tirek’s are. Considering that she’s leaving her family and the only community she’s known her whole life, her actions are much more meaningful than Tirek’s, and this would make them more interesting as well.

Also consider that while we are familiar with Tirek’s backstory, Cozy’s is a complete unknown. Just by looking at that, Cozy’s backstory would probably be much more interesting.

Okay, lecture over, you can have your review back now Stinium

Well, alright, back to me then, I guess, but I think you have covered virtually everything I wanted to really say. Perhaps, I could add a little bit more on my end. The story looks at this interaction between the two from Tirek’s perspective. We are all more aware of the history and lore behind Tirek, but we are woefully almost clueless on that subject pertaining to Cozy. I would feel that the story would be more impactful and meaningful, per say, to be developed on the perspective of Cozy. We could glean into her backstory, explore her family, her roots, her motivations to why she would be willing to turn against her own society. This would make it more interesting in the sense that the story ventured into these aspects to explain the justification to why Cozy dared to venture into that cavern, even when she knew she would potentially be at risk of her own demise should things go south. The strength of that motivation was obviously strong, but the reasons why could have been brought up from her point of view.

It is hence not simple to empathise and connect with Cozy on a more personal level as the reader would be unaware of what injustice she was facing to result into her warped philosophy to turn on her own community in her own backstory, which made the conversation, or even the overall conflict itself, lack a meaning that was powerful enough to be impactful and sharp.

Perhaps, the development of Cozy’s backstory in her village and how she made the decision to take the risk to confront Tirek in the cavern would be ways to branch out in this case, making the story more interesting in that sense, as it would add to her characterisation and enhance the plot overall.

Flow

I think this brings me to another point of salience that I would like to discuss. The in-depth development of Tirek’s point of view of his circumstances made the story’s pacing rather slow. It is true that the low tempo of the development of the story made some parts stand out, such as the building of that suspense when Tirek realised that Cozy managed to uncover him in the shadows where he was hiding during his heist, I would have felt that the story could have adopted a more dynamic pacing throughout to accentuate that suspense and develop the plot more fluidly.

I uh, don’t actually have a strong opinion on this. Though I suppose that if there’s not much interesting things happening the pacing would definitely feel slow, haha

Yeah! That’s true. Alright then, I guess we have covered the content pretty thoroughly, let’s look at the next section of technicalities.

Language

Technical errors were rare. Come, let’s take a look at some of the recommendations I would like to make to the author in the following subsections.

Tenses

It was night when he arrived to study them – to observe from afar and learn the ways of these repugnant creatures.

It was night when he had arrived to study them – to observe from afar and learn the ways of these repugnant creatures

But as eternity passed, his stores of magic waned, and his schemes had to adapt.

But as eternity passed, his stores of magic had waned, and his schemes had to adapt.

Further Comments
So technical proficiency isn’t the only thing to be considered in language use! As I mentioned, Freglz writes in a pretty eloquent style, with well-written descriptions and comfortable use of the language.

At the same time, those flowery descriptions linger a little too long on parts of little significance at times, which leads to a pretty slow pacing at certain sections.

Absolutely. I think that the descriptive language used throughout the piece is definitely commendable. Nice usage of literary devices to emphasise key points of Tirek’s emotions and the environment around him. Repetition was used well and paragraphing was apt. But yes, I can’t neglect the sometimes long and drawn-out level of descriptions that are scattered throughout the piece that dragged the story. However, by and large, the author has done a good job here.

Stance

Stinium_Ruide

I felt that this is a decent read, though I wished that I could see this more from Cozy’s point of view.To improve, I posit that the author could draw a more concrete connection between the focal characters of the story, particularly Cozy Glow, to drive the plot in a more impactful manner.

Content/Plot: 5.8/10
Flow/Communication: 6/10
Language/Readability: 8.3/10
Overall: 6.7/10

Cyonix

Good writing, interesting idea, but the execution leaves something to be desired, as I found this to be not super engaging while I read it.

Score: 6.5/10

Before I end, allow me to thank Cyonix for his time and effort to embark on this journey with me on this experimental co-op review, and I hope that you all will find this review of two perspectives more interesting to delve into.

And thank you for having me, Stinium!

No problem, Cyo! In any case, if you have any questions, please feel free to ask either of us, I’m sure we are more than happy to talk about your story. See you!

I definitely see the merits of this being from Cozy's perspective instead, but I was highly intrigued in the challenge of writing this from the villain's perspective. Of course, if it was from Cozy's, without insight into Tirek's mind, it'd make the encounter with her seem far less toothless -- the danger comes from the mystery shrouding what his limits are.

If I had no time limit, this might've been more wholistically sound, but this was an entry for a short story contest, and my current mental state prevents me from working on productive tasks for long periods of time. I figured that the sooner it was out, the better. I'm sorry you didn't enjoy it.