TWorse for Rare

• Equestria Girls
• Comedy
• Random

The Dazzlings deal with a sister's chance encounter with a certain someone. Shenanigans ensue.

• Sex
• Profanity
• Adagio Dazzle
• Sonata Dusk

SunTwi06 · 2.9k words  ·  23  4 · 756 views

Written by SunTwi06

Summary: Adagio merely wanted a peaceful day to sleep in; Sonata merely wants some advice. When two sisters are put in the same room, a seemingly normal talk between two girls takes a strange form involving a mysterious stranger. What could possibly go wrong?

Edited by Dramamaster829

Analysis: I didn't expect this story to feature as much Suggestive content, however, it was clean enough to where I still was okay with reading it, and it's pretty funny. I am currently conflicted about the future tense usage in the story, Maybe it's because I am so used to past tense usage that future tense seems strange to me. Correct me if I am wrong.

Now for the story itself, the author cleverly hidden the main gag early on, which helped me understand the title more. It showed me that the author had a lot of creativity when the story was being written, and it goes to show how much thought was put into the story. It's always the simplest ideas of misunderstandings that can lead to the most clever gags. Admittedly I don' understand the increased physical violence, but in the end, it's a rather sweet and simple story.

Grammar. 7/10 I just can't get over the future tense usage. It feels off and makes me feel like it could have been done better, but there are other problems in the story, namely in comma usage.

I am utilizing the goggle docs again to be able to easily weed out the problems and adjust them. Also, I didn't end up touching the future tense usage in case I am wrong.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Z6O0VxWoGoKEXqRETT6AIacY36Gx-tAUfEQ886KvG_w/edit?usp=sharing

The plot of the story. 9/10. I appreciate the cleverness of the title and admittedly do enjoy the idea of the classic straight man routine. The classical dimwit and straight man gag works well to cause misunderstandings and lead to clever ideas and gags. And the Taco idea is more than clever.

Story flow. 8/10 The pacing is extremely clever, even though it didn't elaborate on what Aria did to Sonata when the topic came up. However, the story keeps a good pace and doesn't get bogged down, even when you think that you are missing something. The further you get into the story, the more sense it makes.

Final score: 24/30 8/10

This story used a creative concept, and in spite of my personal confusion on the tense usage, I enjoyed the cleverness of the wordplay used in this story. At first, it was confusing, but the more I read the story the more it made sense to me. If you don't mind a little naughty humor and have some time on your hands, give this a read.