Lumina Faith #1 · Jul 31st, 2020 · 1 · ·

Last time there was a connection between them, but can it be rekindled?

TheLegendaryBillCipher · 4.5k words · 25 1 · 416 views

Many moons ago, two souls connected on Hearth’s Warming. Since then, one became a princess, while the other became a recluse, who has only just started to come out of her turtleneck shell again. Now, Moondancer has the chance to rekindle what she thought might be gone forever, but does Twilight still feel the same? And is Moondancer willing to put her heart out there again?

It’s Christmas in July! No other context! Yay!

Plot and Setting

Written for the Jinglemas event (an annual Secret Santa-esque event held on FiMFic), Last Hearth’s Warming tells the tale of two bookhorses Moondancer and Twilight as they reconnect after the events of the episode “Amending Fences”.

Fairly short and sweet, the story takes place during Hearth’s Warming, where Moondancer finds that she’s been left alone (mostly by accident) by her Canterlot friends and is then invited by Twilight to spend the holiday with her and her friends in Ponyville. What Twilight doesn’t know is that her fellow bookhorse has been harboring a crush on her for years. Almost confessions ensue.

Given the nature of it being an event gift and its short length, TheLegendaryBillCipher does a nice job of teasing the audience for more, though whether this was their intention or not is up for debate. There are a few points in the story that felt out of place by the time I finished it, such as the inclusions of Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and Fluttershy. When these characters were introduced, they opened up plotlines that all had to do with gifts for Moondancer, but those plotlines only got mentioned once or twice later and never paid off. While it isn’t the focus of the story, there’s still those lingering questions of “Wait, what happened to the gifts?” and “How is Moondancer going to react to the gifts?” Alas, these Chekhov’s guns won’t get fired (unless they write a sequel!).

Section rating: 7.5/10

Character Exploration

And this, I admit, is where I fall a bit short when it comes to characterization because I never actually watched “Amending Fences”. I know, I can hear your gasps of shock and disbelief! All I really have on Moondancer’s character is that she’s a nerdy bookhorse who took seclusion and “no friendship!” to an entirely new level, but was brought around by Twilight and her Canterlot friends (am I allowed to call them the Canterlot Five?). For as little as I know about Bookhorse 2.0, I’d say that TheLegendaryBillCipher did a pretty good job at portraying her and Twilight fumbling around their affection for each other! The flashback and explanation behind Moondancer’s turtleneck was pretty cute, as well!

Section rating: 8/10

Grammar, Formatting, and Consistency

Pretty well done on all accounts! There were a few moments where the wording felt a little strange to me, such as:

Some of the time it was because of family pulling their group apart, but other times it was just her uncertainty and nerves.

Specifically, the “some of the time” felt rather unnecessary and actually made me more confused about what the sentence was trying to say. “Sometimes” can easily replace that sentence and it would flow better!

There is also:

Overhead, Pegasi were shunting snow-laden clouds in order here and there to provide the correct wintery ambiance.

The way the sentence is worded makes me think one of two interpretations: all the clouds were being moved in a specific order or some clouds were being moved so that they fit the setting more. It’s a very nuanced thing, I admit, and it’s hard to explain my confusion in this sentence. I believe the author’s intent was the latter, in which case it would make more sense to swap the positions of “in order” and “here and there”, so that it becomes “Overhead, Pegasi were shunting snow-laden clouds here and there in order to provide the correct wintery ambiance.” That goes down a lot better, doesn’t it?

Grammar: 10/10
Formatting: 9/10
Consistency: 9/10
Section rating: (28/3)/10 = 9.3/10

My Little Nitpicks

Not a lot here, this time! Most of my thoughts were already covered in previous sections!

Final Thoughts

A short and sweet confession story between Moondancer and Twilight during Hearth’s Warming. If you love two bookhorses giving each other a try, this story will whet your appetite!

Final rating: (24.8/3)/10 = 8.3/10 (really, it's 8.278, but shhh)

TheLegendaryBillCipher