The Reliving

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Part 3; Chapters 12-17

Part 1.

Part 2.

And here it is, the last review for The Reliving until the author tells me to review the next 50k words. In this little section of the story, we get to experience the life of Vadon after the events in Ponyville and get both some backstory and insight into Celestia and Luna. There’s also this thing with a cult and the scary creature from part on comes back into play, so you know, typical slice of life.

So what did I like. First off, the story defiantly picks up in this last third or so. It was a lot of ‘mundane’ happenings in the first two thirds, with the exception of the start to the Ponyville arc, so it was rather nice to see things start picking up and a grand plot start to develop. While the story doesn’t stagnate really or have ultra-low points, the pacing is on the slower side so the amount of action and intrigue that pops up starting in chapter 16.

The author seems to have shifted the plot over from the storm being the primary ‘antagonist’, with other parties playing as minor hiccups as Vadon feels out how this world works, to what I would call a rather respectable storyline beginning to form. We also get something that I have been waiting for for a while now; proper examination as to how Vadon thinks. We really get a better fell for him as a character here and we see a lot more of his idiosyncrasies coming out.

And speaking about how Vadon is feeling more human, this entire section is about fifty-percent characterization. So many characters get a similar treatment as Vadon and we get to see more of what makes them tick. Overall, I would say this section really put forth a good effort to characterize the individuals we have gotten and flesh them out to more three-dimensional people.

Next up would be the combat in chapter 16. For everyone that read the fight between Trixie and Vadon, this is like that fight, but so much better. The action, while bordering on the sillier side of things near the end, has a feeling of stakes and skill to it that made me want to keep reading. While it wasn’t this ‘to the death’ type of fight with the feeling that both sides were giving their all to kill the other side, it gets damn close. The fight feels like Vadon is actually being challenged and is on the back foot for the majority. Now, you might think that this is to be expected based on what’s happened previously, but I raise you that it just feel different here. There is a feeling of stakes here that I didn’t feel until this point in this section. This also extends to the last chapter as well, however it feels even more interesting there. Well done.

And thus we come to the cons. I would like to begin this section with my gripes rather than the more hard hitting issues. First off would be with chapter 12. In the past reviews, I kept making the comment that the writing was on the rougher side of things, well, this chapter took that to 11. It is revealed in the next chapter that this is due to the author deciding to do a stylistic change and make the entire chapter be a journal entry. Now, if Vadon is not the best at writing, so be it, it adds a little something to his character. The issue is that the perspective, pacing, and level of description all get changed without warning, and take a significant nosedive in terms of quality in what I would deem as an objective sense. It’s so weird too since the surrounding chapters read far better than this one, so I can only guess that this was the author writing as the character rather than him not doing a once over.

Next, I would like to point out that the combat scene in chapter 15 in the vault is on the less than optimal side of things. This might just be the pacing or how things were described, but trying to follow what was going on was not exactly the easiest thing. Now, you can do a good fight scene where it’s a total cacophony with no downtime and really drive home a feeling or panic and frenzy, but the problem with this one is that it is just not written for that. The paragraphs were too long, and the descriptions were this weird mix of not detailed enough while also being too detailed. The details we are given don’t describe the actions very well with how they relate to other actions and the individuals fighting so as to establish a coherent scene, but also are too descriptive about what the action is that mid slows down the action to the point that it feels less frantic and more like a calculated fight where there is time to think and plan.

Finally, something that is in need of improvement is the writing. This is a big one so listen closely Order of Chaos. There is a consistent issue with sentences being sub-optimal or formatted in a way that forces me to reread it again to understand what was being said. These are minor issues that most people can correct in their heads as they read, but it happens often enough that the part of my brain dedicated to editing kept lighting up in alarms. They are ‘rare’ in that I can’t find one just by clicking a random chapter and picking a random paragraph, but they do pop up often enough that I kept having those editor alarms go off.

Final scores;

Writing: 7/10, As I said, there are some significant issues here with strange sentence construction that keeps popping up, but overall this is written competently. Work just needs to be done to clean up these odd sentences and the occasional missing word I find here and there.

Pacing: 8/10, This is an odd one. The pacing is slow and bordering on a degree of unnecessary amounts of detail, but this starts to go away over the chapters, becoming something that I would be more inclined to call a stylistic choice in the last paragraph. Nevertheless, I have to evaluate the section as a whole, so the first three chapters bring this score down from a 9/10.

Characters: 10/10, These are well done here, feeling like actual people and having enough development that they add to the story and make it more enjoyable to read.

Atmosphere: 8/10, This is something that shows up near the end of this section in a meaningful way. The tone for the first half of this section is relatively light but shifts into something much darker as it progresses. There is this constant tone of there being more below the surface and things only being able to get darker and worse over time. Points were docked as the atmosphere didn’t seem to have a strong influence or presence until about the end of chapter 15.

Darkness: 7/10, That being said, this story is labeled dark, and from my perspective, not much dark is here. Yes, someone is beaten to death, and Vadon has an unhealthy relationship with death and torture, but there isn’t much else to really get me to say ‘damn, that’s some dark crap right there.’

Total Score: 40/50 or 8/10, Believe it or not, these last few chapters were a lot more enjoyable to read for me than the previous sections. The action picked up significantly and the general tone and intrigue go way up. I would honestly recommend those that haven’t started to read this story to pick it up and follow it going forward as the author looks to be hitting their stride and getting the plot going on all cylinders.

Thank you for this helpful review!

...You basically leave me no choice but to improve. Luckily, I was planning on just that! I was also planning on editing past action sequences a bit for quicker|easier|simpler yet still impactful reading. No need to reread unless you want to, it's going to basically be the same context, just worded better if I can manage that.
I really want to develop my characters more so I'll try to have them interact more and more while advancing the main plot and the countless subplots that are already in action. While I like keeping secrets, I also want to give answers to what each character is more or less planning to do next.
Here is the funny thing about some of my writing inconsistensies, I write differently each time depending on how long I've been away from the keyboard. So hopefully when I get back to it soon - it won't be jarring, I'll take time with it of course.
Brought my mood up, man, really did.
Again, very handy review, if I have any questions, I hope to ask them to you personally some time. In the meantime, have a wonderful time.