TBrighter Horizons

• MLP: FiM
• Romance
• Dark
• Adventure

A Human raised in Equestria by Pegasi. Oh, and he has their inherent magic. Have fun!

• Gore
• Violence
• Death
• Human
• Rainbow Dash
• OC
• Other
• Main 6
• Sunset Shimmer

Destiny Chaser · 188k words  ·  179  21 · 5.1k views

So, Brighter Horizon, a fic that gives the premise right into the description itself. What do we have here? A lone human arrives from what I can only describe as a dimensional rift and fall literally into the life of a young pegasus mare, Bright Skies. The story then follow the development of Flash, our protagonist, shifting between the present and past, following him and his stepmother who longed for a child after her failed pregnancy which left her without a husband and wrecked with the pain of the loss of her unborn foal. 

The story starts with the POV of Ella a girl that made some mistakes in her early years of life which lead her to the clutches of a criminal organization as a “girl of pleasure” so to say, when the story starts she will be out trying to find a way out of town smiling at herself for being able to finally escape. It is there that she will encounter Flash, and immediately after Damian a seemingly important person among the organization and especially a man that Ella knows personally. They will argue for a bit, get beaten up by Flash and from there we are catapulted to the past.

The past is almost normal, there are fights between characters which fortunately resolves themselves without needing any unnecessary drama into them and it is also there that we find out Flash’s inner circle of friends, first of all is Rainbow Dash who he see as both a friend and an idol, second is Sunset Shimmer who will be his teacher for quite a long time until she leaves for the EQG universe most likely. 

I won’t go in any more details about the story to avoid spoilers, now what is there to say? Simple, this story is such an underrated one that it physically hurts me that it has such a low view count. Seriously this is one of those fic I would call a lost gem at the beach. The pacing is a bit weird with the whole jumping from present to past, it does though compliment the fic in itself, we see actions in the past and we see them reflected later on in the present, it could be a skill or an idea which is rough at first and then refined to its potential in the present showing what the character will be able to do.

This is a very cunning idea to show what the character can do without having to resort to time skips, technically there are lots of them but they are very carefully and finely threaded together so that the reader can understand and follow the plot in both timelines. 

One of the most important encounters in the past was also Burnt Oak who will act as a father figure for young Flash after Sunset disappearance, the introduction of Burnt Oak while brief is of extreme importance to the development of Flash as a character. The more we see of Flash the more we find out on what he wants to do and what kind of person he is, from the early days we see that he is extremely friendly and has no fear of the height even if he is devoid of wings. 

The characterization is spot on in this fic and the whole progression is smooth and really makes you want to see the next chapter. The demons that haunts the character are credible and they vary, Flash is bent on helping and being a guard but doesn’t like violence in itself and later on this will escalate, Bright Skies is haunted by the memory of her unborn foal still making that wound bleed even after years. All in all the characters are what you expect them to be, normal people with feelings and dreams and fears, just like they should be.

For the author there is not too much to say, you seems to have your head set on your shoulders and you do seems to have a good plan for the story, you also use second meanings in names which is something that should be done more in stories in my opinion, the dialogues are well written and they roll on good one after the other without sounding too mechanical. Maybe a much more expert person in both writing and English would have had something negative for you to say but I’m not one so yeah you are good my dude keep it going!

And now for the rating.

Pacing: 9/10 The pacing is well executed and it is spot on, the only slight problem may be the back and forth of the timelines which may be confusing to some readers but it is incredibly well executed so I can’t give anything less. 

Story: 9/10 Finally a human in Equestria with something more than just a human in Equestria, good job! The idea behind the story is very interesting and for now hooks the attention of a possible reader, unfortunately until the whole plot is revealed I can’t give more insight into it.

Grammar: 9/10 It needs some proofreading here and there but overall perfect grammar and a wonderful usage of the english language to make the reader feel what a character is feeling or what they are doing, the description are very good in my opinion, not too long so to annoy or bore the reader and not too short so that the reader has to imagine everything instead of portraying.

Final score 9/10 Very, very good, a gem hidden in a beach unfortunately unseen but maybe it is that that makes it all the more better, like discovering a hidden treasure that only a selected few ever discovered. I can only hope you will get the attention you deserve though! As always I’m not perfect, if you have anything to say that doesn’t seem right just write me and I’ll do my best to confront you on it so that we can both lear.

7176927
I cannot tell you how touched I am that you took the time to review my story and for your very kind words and opinions.
I want to do a more in-depth response later if I can because I am at work, but I couldn't let another moment go by without letting you know how grateful I am.
Thank you and God bless!

7177047
It's no problem I have no problem saying what's true in the end! You are welcome though :D