A hikikomori is defined by the Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry as someone who has remained isolated at home for at least six consecutive months without going to school or work, and rarely interacts with people from outside their own immediate family.

NEET is an acronym that stands for "Not in Education, Employment, or Training". It refers to a person who is unemployed, not in school or vocational training.

Had to start there, make sure that everyone understood the word in the title itself. Without having gone into the story, I already was a little unsure of what I was getting into reading. I’m sure the story itself will make it easier, even without basic definitions.

It is also an authorized re-write of KingOfNightmares’ work The Story Book and I mention this only because leeroy_gIBZ does so. But past that, please focus on this story!

So, it’s something of a horror. It’s a story about Twilight, though not baseline Twilight, being delivered a mysterious tome which ultimately tells of her ending. It’s a good piece of dramatic writing.

Well, I did enjoy it. And while I could be accused of being prejudiced - leeroy_gIBZ is a friend of mine, the very person to recommend me to Drache even - well, I’m not. I see a lot more tell than show in this writing, some of it even feeling a little clumsy as points. It’s a story which has the potential to chill, to educate, to impart wisdom. It doesn’t necessarily fail at these things, that would be a stretch with an author like this. He does have talent, and even in this it is quite evident. However, there is also evidence of room for improvement in style. It should still be pointed out that when the original author advises you to post your version of the story, it does have merit. All that being said, it is worth the read despite what I’ve said.

Mane 6

Twilight Sparkle

- There is really just one character in this story, apart from the book itself, and the narrator. But Twilight shines here. The dialogue begins inner, and leads to outer as she reads her own story. The inner is more her own voice, and it is done well and stays true to who she is and what she values, while never quite giving away that you aren’t reading the same Twilight from the show.

It’s a story only 1,409 words long, making it longer than the content of origin, but still leaving little room for character development. It does make up for that in steady reveals through Twilight’s reading of her own biography. You get to learn how vastly different this Twilight is from the baseline Twilight, and it doesn’t happen all at once.

The theme here, to me, is regret, shame, and a desire to make things right. It is also about being too late, in the tragic vein which makes you want more for the character. It treads this path quite well, creates a version of history entirely at odds with canon, and succeeded at getting me to utterly fail at sympathizing with this version of Twilight.

It takes place in an alternate history, with a radically different lifetime for Twilight and her mother both. There are no logical leaps, since it’s based in an original idea and has little basis in canon or baseline anything, and doesn’t ask you to believe that this Twilight is that close to being what she could have been. As it has a horror element to it, logic is even less defined but ultimately still there featuring an evil which is really more metaphor for her own bad choices. Yet is still left as something of an absolute.

Story Idea: 8. (A good concept that could have gone much further and deeper, and much opportunity for drama and exploration of this character and her own world. It makes me hope for further entries, an entire series dedicated to various alternates in the same ‘verse.)

Writing Style: 6. (It’s leeroy_gIBZ so the writing is certainly strong, his command of the language is definitely on display, and it even flows well. However, it struggles with “show don’t tell”, provides clumsy and unappealing reveals, and the result is that it is somewhat disruptive to itself.)

Entertainment Factor: 7.5 (I like to think of how I’d feel reading stories of this sort in the dark, alone, in quiet except the creaking of the house and whatever fauna are around, and whether I would feel the need to turn on a light. It’s not really there, but the idea and execution aren’t bad, and I happen to like the message it sent, even if it wasn’t intentional.)

Inner Logic: 8. (I don’t find any fault here. Magically dark entities are typical for use as foils, that this one happens to not offer a second chance only solidifies the seriousness of Twilight’s choices.)

Final: 7.375

Okay, so I’m not a fan of being harsh or unpleasant in any way. I can’t ignore what turns me off, and I’d be a terrible reviewer if I allowed bias to blur the lines for a friend, and he’d rather my honesty anyway. That being said, while this was a good read, it was merciful in it’s shortness as well for having so poorly handled the reveals of what was going on with the book and Twilight. But it does set up a suitable dark atmosphere, illustrates her willful solitude well, in some ways it does manage a bit of show don’t tell, such as her reaction to the sudden noise and her inner thoughts as to what that might be, but overall as the story progressed and it became about the book I felt that he started to lose the strength of his writing. Not the control of the language so much as of the revelations and explanations, which began to feel clunky and rushed. It began beautiful, poetic and ended feeling like he just wanted to be done writing it and move on to another project.