TPony Predators of Equestria

• MLP: FiM
• Dark
• Adventure
• Comedy

What is a pony? After the Changeling invasion, debates rage across Equestria over that simple question. There is a follow up that nopony thinks to ask, however: what if they weren't the only ones hiding?

• Alt. Universe
• Twilight
• Luna
• OC
• Bat Pony

Pentarctagon · 91k words  ·  291  11 · 4.2k views

Summary

Pony Predators of Equestria exhibits a world where some of our fan-made creatures are a member of the MLP lore. This is a great in-depth interpretation of how these species would interact and influence the world.

There is barely any negatives I can say about this story as a whole for it includes a realistic world, characters and interactions. The story is further able to mix realistic comedy with childish and dark humour at the same time blending them in a perfect mix. On top of that, it can manipulate, create and destroy tension almost suddenly and naturally smooth.

Every chapter of this adventure made me wanting more for the story and always succeed in that and left me in that state of wanting more.

Ratings

Combination of darkness and cuteness:

9/10

This story was one of the first to make me laugh from the dark humour and go "Awww" collectively within the same chapter. The best about that is that it would continuously do it without fail. It is a perfect blend, which is extremely difficult to make and maintain in general, I have to say Pentarctagon you did amazing.

Grammar:

5/10

The grammar is the disappointment of the story as it is the only worst quality. However, the error I find with it is remarkably minor and is entirely understandable why they haven't been fixed; They are easily overlooked. Although, the most annoying part of it for me, which gave this it's low mark is the unnecessary use of transition which will be explained in the Feedback.

Character Lore:

8/10

The characters are marvellous and unique making them effortlessly identifiable yet it doesn't break them from what we have come to know, admire and cherish. These characters are fun to read and watch interact even if our first interaction with them was a confusing one. Additionally, The character habits that are told to us are realistically in the realm of possibility for these characters to have.

Feedback

Please remember these are just suggestions based on experience and knowledge of story writing. Thank you.
Some transitions are unneeded due to the story being third perspective, I understand how you would want to change perspectives of certain characters or time. However, with it being third person that would naturally happen when that character leaves the scene and it is pointless to do such if the first sentence states the passing of time or if it states the new location after the leave of characters.