TTwice the Gem You Are

• MLP: FiM
• Romance
• Comedy
• Drama

Graduation is coming up, and Apple Bloom couldn't be happier. Well, she could, if Diamond Tiara wasn't such a pain in the flank.

• Sex
• Apple Bloom
• Diamond Tiara

JackRipper · 3.6k words  ·  278  14 · 5.2k views

Summary of Story here: Graduation is coming up, and Apple Bloom couldn't be happier.

Well, she could, if Diamond Tiara wasn't such a pain in the flank.

Initial thoughts: The description tells me two things right off the bat, Diamond Tiara and Apple Bloom are graduating, and this story is going to be intense in one way or the other. So what did I think intially? I was intrigued to see just how well Jackripper would do with this, seeing as he's one of the Fimfiction story approver's it's quite exciting. 8/10

What I liked: The conflict, and the drama. I like the back and forth between Apple Bloom and Diamond Tiara. It's fitting for the both of them, and it's convincing in it's execution. The grammar is also very well done, and clearly Jack knows how to "show" us what he wants to get across without it feeling telly.

What I didn't like: The pacing. This is likely probably because from the author's comments it was for a contest, but the events in the story go just a bit too fast, and could have taken a moment to just "breathe" I also would've liked to see what they did after graduation. Does Diamond TIara move in with the Apples, or does she find a place of her own and Canterlot while trying to keep in touch with Apple Bloom? These are questions I had after reading that were left unanswered because after the graduation, there's a small wrapping up with a nice little bow, and the story ends.

Grammar: Solid. I didn't find anything to fuss about. 10/10

Characterzation: Both Apple Bloom, and Diamond Tiara don't feel any bit like they are "ooc" they feel geniune in their actions, and even though the story is a bit rushed, it works. It really works. 9/10

Story/Concept: I'm fairly certain the oldest tale of rivals getting together would be Romeo and Juliet, and I'm sure this is considered a classic among it's fans, and I can see why. The story does a good job of getting it's message across. 8/10

Overall thoughts: I enjoyed this story, however if I have one gripe, and I know I've said this probably a few times. The pacing, it's the main flaw I can see here, and as the story is, it's still really good. It just could have been great, truly a Masterpiece of a oneshot if you will. 8/10

Final score: 8+10+9+8+8=43/50
8/10

To JackRipper: Keep up the good work, and I hope to see more stories from you. You have a lot of potential, just remember to take a "breath" and slow down your pacing a bit. I understand if this was for a contest why it feels a bit rushed, but that's really the main compliant I have here. Keep being awesome.