TThis Story Sucks

• Equestria Girls
• Romance
• Comedy
• Slice of Life

Sunset Shimmer is in the hospital. Fluttershy is in a coffin. Neither of them is very happy about it.

• Fluttershy
• Sunset Shimmer
• Main 7 (EqG)

JackRipper · 2k words  ·  299  16 · 3.9k views

I read: Completed at 2k words, 1 chapter
I rate: 10/10
I recommend: Read it

For starters, the title lies.

Anyway, snapping one-liner of an introduction done, the story: Fluttershy is a vampire, Sunset is her girlfriend, the rest of the Main 7 are also there - but in a funny way. Fluttershy bites off a bit more than she can chew, literally, out of Sunset one day and passes out. Sunset, being human and thus suffering from the effects of blood loss, also passes out but escapes hospital to visit Fluttershy and check how she’s doing. How sweet.

Now, for this one, the dialogue really stood out to me. Rainbow Dash recounts a lot of the story here and JackRipper really brings out her voice and personality here. The rest of the cast is no exception and most of the story’s humor comes from their personalities bouncing off of each-other. Honestly, I don’t have any complaints with that - even though the story is only about 2k words long, each of the seven characters gets one or two genuinely amusing, and reasonably in-character, lines.

Narration here is no slouch either; the writer includes some bit of more environmental comedy - like Roseluck constantly lying in a faint somewhere to the chagrin of her friends or AJ staring at the floor rather than listen to Dash’s story. This, plus a very good handle on pacing, has the lighthearted comedy flow very quickly and easily - until you get to the positively dreadful groan-inducer of a pun at the end anyway.

Plot: 4/5. It's a oneshot comedy; however it is not the easiest thing to predict in the world the plot sets up the jokes well.
Characters: 5/5. All of the Main 7 have at least one good moment of comedy and Sunset and Rainbow have quite a few. The Sun/Shy romance is also portrayed quite cutely.
Style: 5/5. Crisp, quick, clean and the comedy is funny even in the second or read of the story.
Execution: 5/5. Genuinely enjoyable fic.
Overall Rating: 19/20 = 10/10

To JackRipper: Keep it up, for starters. If anything, I wouldn’t mind seeing a sequel to this with more vampiric antics and whatnot. The banter between the characters was spot-on and I honestly had not heard the pun at the end before. Everyone in the house, however, heard me laugh at it. Nice work mate.

For something like this: A Simple Explanation is another comedy oneshot that stars Sunset Shimmer and ends with a fairly magnificent joke.

As always, if you liked this review, why not check out some more of my work here?

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Awesome.