EA Gentle Melody

• MLP: FiM
• Slice of Life

Fluttershy knows the fear of letting the music inside her out. Seeing Sweetie Belle struggling, she puts aside her own anxieties to help a friend in need. Together, they can make beautiful music.

• Fluttershy
• Sweetie Belle
• CMCs

Nailah · 3.7k words  ·  44  3 · 1.1k views

Summary

Sweetie Belle is a shy singer. Maybe another fluttering, shy singer could convince her to open up and sing to a large crowd. The story is great as it holds a great sense of realism, both for our world and the show's. The characters' personality are fitting with one being especially interesting. Most people complain about a scene that includes Luna and Celestia. However, I cannot see the problem with it being in the story. Yes it does not increases anything about the story. However, I'll have to say that it adds to the effect of the story, being cute and relatable.

The story has a nice and happy ending with cute moments in the story that doesn't mess with the story flow. However, the beginning of character introduction feels forced yet somehow still feels natural.

The written song is nicely made and can be imagined as a real musical piece.

The tags are perfect for the story. However, I would add the "Comedy" tag for the family/friend orientated jokes.

Ratings

Characters:

10/10

The characters are perfect. Their personalities fit with their original counterparts while being original with the story. Even the characters actions and reactions are fitting and realistic. The interesting character I said before is Celestia with a somewhat egotistical personality.

Structure:

7/10

The story uses an intermix of the newer and older styles of writing quite nicely. However, there are repetitive moments within the story that just need rephrasing or a thesaurus.

Relatability:

9/10

The story holds a cute effect which is a typical trait of Nailah's stories, yet as I said before the story heavily focuses on using the ability of the readers to relate to the characters and it does that well. However, the characters are somewhat lacking in departments while others are overflowing.

Feedback

Please remember these are just suggestions based on experience and knowledge of story writing. Thank you.

I would have to say for Nailah to take a long and slow reread with a thesaurus of the story to fix the structure problems.

Also general rule if there are three people talking at once always say who is currently saying what.

7027434
I own a thesaurus....I just don't recall where it is.
Aye sir. Thank you for the review. Glad you liked it. :).