TCrystal Apocalypse

• Equestria Girls
• Dark
• Adventure
• Thriller

The world has ended, and left a deadly wasteland behind. Sugarcoat survived, and now wanders the fallout in search of her friends.

• Non-con
• Gore
• Violence
• Death
• Human
• Alt. Universe
• Other
• King Sombra
• Lemon Zest
• Sour Sweet
• Sugarcoat

leeroy_gIBZ · 33k words  ·  28  4 · 1.1k views

Summary: Years ago, Canterlot City was destroyed by a magical explosion - the equivalent of a nuclear bomb. Those who survived found themselves trapped within the dying country, watching in horror as their surviving friends and family were driven insane by the enchanted fallout.

Sugarcoat is one of those survivors and so, she hopes, is her girlfriend, Sunny Flare. Separated by the cataclysm, she now searches for her lost love. However, the roads are long and dangerous, and supplies are always running scarce. Las Pegasus - rumored untouched by the blast, still lies hundreds of miles away and between them lie hordes of vicious cannibals, nefarious cults and horrors as impossible as they are evil.

Overall thoughts: Typically, I don't read this kind of story, but I decided to give this one a try because of how much I enjoyed the previous piece I reviewed from Leeroy, and I must say the story itself is good. Just often I want to FEEL more emotions. Events just happen so quickly, and I wish we could see more of Sugarcoat's inner turmoil. But what we is very telly. Which ruins a bit of the overall enjoyment. 7/10

Creativity: Even though, I don't read this kind of story usually the whole "apocalyse" thing has been done to death. There are literally dozens of these stories on Fimfiction. Most of them based off the "Fallout" Equestria universe, but this one isn't connected to that, but falls into a lot of the same pit falls. 6/10

Grammar: I saw quite a few misuses of words, and a few times a word would be misspelled, but nothing that another preread by a different pony couldn't fix, which due to the fact the author's first language isn't English, that is actually very good. 9/10

Additional thoughts: I personally felt like Lemon's Zest blindness in the story was often forgotten or dulled down. There would be times she'd notice things by seeing them even though she couldn't see. Sometimes he'd have her feel out, but I feel like this could have been so much more impactful. It's not bad persay, just as someone who knows a mostly blind friend in real life, it's not accurate to how it would actually be in real life.

I also want to see more emotion from Sugarcoat, often she just feels "dull" and almost lifeless, and even she says that isn't how she is, so show us. Let us see her inner turmoil. Let us inside her head without being so telly in the future.

Overall score: 8/10
Even though the story has some issues, overall it's well worth the time and effort to check it out. And keep up the good work Leeroy.

6904785
Thanks for the review mate.