Okay…. Uh…. So.... Yeah. This was one of those stories that quite honestly, I found very difficult to review. Now. The Mansion in the Woods. Basically, the whole idea was thus. Create a Luigi’s Mansion style story, which in itself wasn’t a bad idea. Sadly… the execution was a bit lacking. Half the time I was struggling to grasp what the heck was going on. Please subsitute heck with a stronger word of your choice. I’m serious, it’s that bad. Somewhere along the way, and I can’t quite pin down where exactly, but the whole thing sorta went off the rails somewhere along the lines.

On one side of the equation -god, my math classes are getting to me, not sure if that’s a good or bad thing yet- you have a story trying to be a horror story. On the other side of things, you have a story trying to be a balls to the wall smart aleck comedy like something out of Total Drama maybe. Needless to say, the two rarely if ever mix. This isn’t one of those parodies. Both were trying to be equally serious in their respective genres. Meaning we don’t get a crack fic as we should have done, and instead, what we get is something that at times almost makes as much sense as End of Evangelion. Which is to say… not very much.

The problem lies in the two authors, and their clashing… well, I hesitate to say egos, so I’ll say clashing visions instead. Yeah, let’s go with that okay? Make no mistake, this is a story by both Vertigo, and King of Madness and it shows. Their two respective styles clash hugely with one another. So, in the end what we get is a Luigi’s Mansion style story trying too hard to be a horror fic, and a horror fic trying too hard to be a comedy. I cannot stress this enough. This entire fic was ruined by the story itself being impossible to decide on what it wanted to be.

Now, how would I suggest this story be made better? A complete rebuild from the ground up, that’s all I would have to say. Vertigo would be better off if he did things his way, and not tried so hard to make his style work directly in King of Madness’ own. I’m not sure who did the comedy, and who did the horror. Because I know Vertigo can do both, as he did plenty of crack fics, but he’s worked with me to deliver some astounding straight up horror. Look. There’s no beating around the bush here. In this current state? This fic… well, it’s an out and out mess.

Really, there’s only one way to rate this piece.

3/10

TThe Mansion in the Woods

• Equestria Girls
• Dark
• Comedy

Sunset Shimmer and Rainbow Dash are dared to stay overnight in a haunted mansion. However, they quickly discover that the secrets held inside are worse than they could've ever imagined.

• Death
• Profanity
• OC
• Sunset Shimmer
• Rainbow Dash (EqG)

Vertigo22 · 35k words  ·  48  5 · 1.6k views

6899133
This started out as a straight up horror piece. I don't recall exactly as what it was about beyond two details that involved crucifixion (which I forced into this story for my own amusement) and a dead woman at the end of a long hallway. If I ever have the will, I'd rewrite it as a straightforward horror piece in the vein of Silent Hills—like I'd intended.

To answer your question: both the horror and comedy were mine, but the comedy was frequently bent to King's liking.